the words
I never had a chance to say
are eating me alive
from inside out

the fog
the heaviness
when brains refuse to work

are all the brains this stubborn?
or is it just mine that won’t work?

as the clouds cover the moon
so do our memories
to my heart

where there used to be light,
not much can come through
since our love died,
you kept it with you.
all i have left
it isn’t enough
to get me to shine
the light inside

i’m slowly fading
just waiting to die

today I drank my coffee alone
they sky was grey
it was neither hot nor cold
the cafe was noisy
and my latte was strong

today I briefly felt alive
a stranger talked to me
he was Hungarian,
but nice
we had a laugh
and I looked over his CV

today I was in town
and the barista smiled at me

my hair was messy
my brain was foggy
but we had a good time
I, my coffee and me.

the smoke from my cigarette
stains
I have this smoke
all through my veins
it runs freely whenever it wants

the smoke from my cigarette stains.

the inhale is deep
and the smoke remains.
my lungs are intoxicated
and full of stains.

smoking hot
or smoking cold

I don’t care for seasons
my cigarettes taste good all year round

powerless scream
and big old trees
invaded my home

you live in my soul.

the rent that you pay,
it isn’t enough
for the mess that you make,
you damage and break

the trees stop and stare,
my home is a mess,
because you live there.

I’m floating through space and time
one moment
I’m here.
the next,
I’m gone

fighting the voice in my head
but it’s like it has training
and I’m not prepared,
to battle and fight,
I’m out here thinking,
we’re not the same height .

loud noises,
my thoughts.
I try to control them,
to break out their knots

I want to be free,
to break out my head
I’m done quitting and running
so imma fight it instead

face my fears and
face my courage
listen to my body when it’s sending a message..

hello! are you there ???

I’m doing my best,

not that you’d care .