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Isabella Jan 2022
Love stumbled into a garden, one sunny spring morning
Light trickled through the branches
Shadows danced along the grass
Birds sang from up above
There were flowers everywhere
Cold wind touched her spine in shivers

"Tend to the garden, love, it needs you"
So she watered the rows of plants, she nurtured the seeds
She watched them bloom, she never looked away

"Tend to each one, love, they need you"
So she knelt on the dirt and spoke to every flower
Caressing their petals, cradling their leaves

Then Summer came

"Never leave their side, love, they need you"
So she never slept, never dreamt
Never ate, never turned away

"Protect the garden, love, it needs you"
So she sheltered it from the storm
Coddled it away from the summer heat

Autumn came

"Careful, love, they're dying"
She felt a panic in her chest, but didn't let it show
She gave them more water, she gave them more care

"Save them, love, they're dying"
Determined, she did everything she could
Paced the garden, wondering what had gone wrong

Winter came

"Heal them, love, look what you've done"
So she watered them more, she cleared up the snow
She brushed away the frost biting at the flowers

"You hurt them, love, look what you've done"
Wilted, here they were
The garden gray, shriveled, lifeless

"I don't understand" Love whispered
Tears fell from her cheeks
The shadow replied,
"You killed the garden, the very one I trusted you to tend"
"But I cared for them, like you told me to" Love shook her head
"Did you?"
"Yes, of course, I sacrificed everything for them"
"Love is not sacrifice"
"Then what is it?"
"Love is letting go."
in the spring, they'll bloom again...
Isabella Nov 2021
Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- she's charming, pretty, loved endlessly
A head that behaves, nods never shakes, knows her place in the world, where she stays
She’s oh so adored, teeth white as pearls, a smile that brightens the desperate world
She’s graceful but strong, knows she belongs, and never dares utter a word we’d deem wrong

Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- it only takes practice, as you’ll soon see
Even out textures, messy imperfections, it’s a small price to pay for a life of attention
Don’t wear too much or you’ll look like a ****, but once you wipe it off you’re not trying enough
Time to embrace your flawless new face, nobody will miss the one it replaced

Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- you’ll look young forever if you do what you need
You can start now, it’s never too early, you’d hate to get older and look more than thirty
But it’s not all your fault your body failed you, you’ve got surgery now to come and save you
You’ll be cut apart and sewn back together, needles, knives, bruises, and scars til you’re better

Young girl, this is the beauty you’ll grow up to be- thin and starving until you can’t breathe
You’ll never look at food the same way again, for dear it’s nothing now but a weapon
Avoid or purge but never digest, do what you can to stay looking your best
Headaches, discomfort, the cycle of shame, you cannot turn back, no never again
Emaciated, weak, but see you fit in what you wear! Don’t give up now, you’re almost there

Young girl, this is the beauty we’ll raise you to be- you’re on your way now, I know it’s exciting
Glowing, shining, beaming fulfillment, there must be a hole but this beauty will fill it
I know that you cannot wait to grow up, a shell of you now but you’ll at least be enough
A life of affection that outshines your cries, smiling bright, even if it never reaches your eyes
Isabella Oct 2021
To love someone is to give them your all, I think. But most everyone doesn't see it like that, their love isn't real love.
How can you give someone else every piece of you without chipping yourself away?
How can you place boundaries in something as limitless as love?
How can you hold yourself back when you have so much more to give?
My love is real love. It is pure and it is everything to me but means nothing to anyone else.
My love is unhealthy, they tell me.
Too much, not enough.
I take it too far, they tell me.
Too big a heart, not small enough.
They tell me to love myself first before I give my love to someone else because it is special and deserves to be taken care of.
But a love so special, so all-consuming, deserves to go to the person who means the most to me, why would I waste it on myself?
I tear myself apart to rebuild the ones I love, and they would never do the same for me. Because their love is not real love.
a poem representing my unhealthy idea of love
Isabella Sep 2021
Chasing silly fantasies,
Fallacies,
Impossibilities,
Left throbbing bruises on my feet,
Scrapes on my knees,
Blood in my teeth.

Chasing rotten stupid lies,
Starry skies,
Moonlit eyes,
Left stinging scratches in my thighs,
Pain in my side,
Aches in my mind.

Chasing love, chasing you-
The attitude,
The untied shoes,
Left nothing for me but the yearning for you.
Isabella Aug 2021
Fallen petals are the bruises
from your lips and your fingers
that i used to trace my hands over
with a soft touch and a smile

Fallen petals are your words
that i can never forget
promises that meant everything then
but nothing now

Fallen petals are the lies
I couldn't see until the end
when it was far too late
to tell you no

Fallen petals are the aches
in my chest, my heart, my mind
the tears that won't stop falling
the embarrassment, the shame

Fallen petals are the innocence
you stole from me that night
a treasure i trusted you with
that i can never regain

Fallen petals are the memories
tainted by your power
disrupted by your voice
tangled with your cruelty

Fallen petals are the feelings
for that's all you've left me with
sick, crippling feelings
you've ruined me

Fallen petals are who I used to be
the girl i miss
before i was used
and before i was tossed aside like garbage
rough draft
Isabella Jul 2021
Broken times let my doves fly
They carry sighs and lullabies
Sing of late nights and butterflies
Your blue eyes stare into mine

Broken days let my demons stay
They haunt with haze and long faces
Cry of pain and yesterdays
Your shadow fades and falls away

Broken weeks let my doves speak
With broken wings and no songs to sing
They fell at my feet and cried for me
Regret screams and my heart bleeds

Broken years kept my demons here
With crimson tears and ringing in my ears
They're vivid, clear, trapped in a mirror
Crippling fear suffocating my dear
Isabella May 2021
Life has a cruel way about it.

The moment I get a breath of fresh air,
My lungs are ripped out all over again.
haven't been here in a while.
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