How do you send a text without it sounding like come back
How do you send one when the words your itching to say are
"Hey I know we haven't talked in months but it's the anniversary of your mothers death and I'm beginning to realize that this will be the first year in 4 that I'm not the one to swallow your sorrow as you cry over something you never had the chance to have"

How do you send a text without it sounding like come back when just the mere thought of him reminds you of the day he kissed you beside the train tracks and you could have sworn you'd been hit.

How do you send a text without it sounding like come back when every time you begin your fingers change the words to how long it's been since you've felt his fingers and how even your skin craves him.

How do you send a text without it sounding like come back when every text begins with "this doesn't mean come back" and ends with "but please do"

Listen,
Don't  let it eat you
Your stronger than that voice inside
Let it slowly die
It's time you begin to really live


                                                         ­                            ♥

I see diffeRent
I no longer sEe
myselF,
Lost
within Every
inCh looking up at
The mirror and
wantIng
tO scream until the pieces fell
uNto the floor, as I try to find myself

Sometimes I get one of those nostalgic feelings rush through me whenever I get a whiff of fresh plaster or spackle. It reminds me of all those times my dad would have to patch up another hole in one of the walls. At one point he would only do it once a week. When you know that there’ll just be more the next day, why not wait a while and fix them all at the same time? Eventually he stopped fixing them altogether. I used to think it meant it was okay and that when I got angry enough I could just put a hole in the wall too and add to the collection of broken bits of my family. When my parents discovered the accumulation of chasms in my wall, my dad made me learn how to fix them because I was not allowed to react the same way as my brother. Needless to say, I rarely put my hand or foot through the walls after the first 2 times I had to fix them. I wish there was some way they could have managed to get my brother to fix the voids he’d created. Perhaps, he’d have learned how much the damage you inflict can affect those around you. I know I certainly did.

I remember back, to the time when I was numb.
All the way back to one of the darkest times in my life,
I remember the face of the boy who shined through my darkness.
I remember the first person to make me feel again.
It was one of the most excruciating things I'd done... feeling again.
You were like the ocean, and I, a grain of sand.
It felt like you ripped me out of my comfortably miserable little beach
and swept me out into your sea and proceeded to drown me.
But you had no idea of the effect you had, you were just being the sea.
I remember the first time I met you, my gaze swept right past.
And then you spoke.
You made me laugh, and it hurt to laugh but it felt so right.
Even on my darkest days, you'd be there to make sure I could smile again.
You'd always do everything you could to pull me out of my pit.
You became my best friend and I fell so hard, oh how I fell.
That's what hurt.
I wasn't allowed to love you as I'd wanted to.
You had your girlfriend and she was so sick and she needed you.
I watched you, dying to make her better.
You didn't sleep. You barely ate.
I noticed the etches on your wrist and my heart shattered.
There was nothing I could do for the boy I loved.
I wish there had been something I could have done for you and for her.
It's been years since I last saw you.
I still think about you all the time.
I don't think I could ever forget you.
The one I couldn't have.
The one I should've had.
We would have been so good.
It's funny..
I know you loved me too.

Everyone is high
On self pity and
Hate
Self diagnosed with
A terrible
Fate
No one knows
How to be sad
Without writing it off
As extraordinarily bad
Happiness isn't
A permanent gig
It's always there
If you bother to dig
Everyone is sad
Because the world is ****** up
And no one dares
To see the good stuff
A world of pessimism
Breeds angry babes
And they all start to believe
Theres no Other way
So load up on drugs
Get high in the rest
Because that's when the world
Looks its ******* best
No one was taught
How to smile
Despite the world
Looking dark for a while
So we all slit our wrists
And demand sympathy
From a world that never cared
If you were down on your knees

Here comes the night life.
Yellow lights spill all over main street,
But the dim, blue sky takes its sweet time to leave.

Hands delicately scale a piano
as the drum leads in it's sporadic fills.
The trumpets burst and pop
while a saxophone glides softly.

The people sit and chat
While their cups are emitting swirling steams.
The faces brightly lit
by store windows and neon open signs.