Hello, can you hear me now
It is not like I am in front of your face speaking to you
I'm not just rambling on about my life
I am telling you all my feelings yet you don't listen
You swat my words away as if the words were a fly
I told you everything that I was going through
All my stories that I feel deeply for I told you
You took that for granted and wasted it away
Told me that it was like a friendship
Well if a relationship is to last
It needs to be with a dear friend
I look at you like and I see the best thing in the world
Now I look at and I see heartbreak and pain
I see myself wishing I could have you again
But that is not going to happen

I cannot just pretend that I do not hurt
I cannot just turn my head when I can't look at you
I have to see you
I have to make sure you are still here
I cannot force you to stay and make me happy
I cannot force this weight I carry onto you
You don't know what I feel everyday
You keep telling me that it isn't my fault
Yet you told me that it was a friendship
Yet I never acted more with us
Now I sit here and cry every night
Now I lay here and look at the picture of us
I still wonder if it will ever be the same between us
I still wish that we could be together
Just want to know that why you don't blame me
Just want to know that I can still be able to have you
But I know that I can't have you
But yet I still blame myself everyday

I told you that I didn't want to be hurt again
I told that I wanted years not months
You didn't listen and still hurt me
You decided for months instead of years
Now I sit in my dark bedroom during midnight
Now I sit there and cry myself to sleep
How did I not see that it would end soon
How did I not care to notice you didn't like this
Where can I go to find happiness again
Where do I go to have trust again
No where is good enough for me
Not my family or my friends
I know that when I speak to you I am happy
I know that my depression worsens after I start talking to you
But I can't seem to stay away from you
I try and force myself away but it isn't enough
Now my heart feels like it is being shredded in the center
Now I feel broken pieces in the core
But you just laugh it away and make up excuses
But I have to keep seeing you
You call me friend which is what you want
You never thought to ask what I want
Every time you call me Friend
Every time my heart is being stabbed by pain
Now I am here crying away
Now I am here failing apart
Because of you and your words
Because I had fallen for you and can't get up.

Can you eat something that isn't there?
Can you touch something that doesn't exist?
Can you feel something that isn't real?
Can you love when you know it isn't true?
I can not bring myself to believe in you
I can not tell myself that it isn't true
But I can tell myself no and to not follow my dreams
Dreams are made to be broken if you can't love

I found out that I can be happy
I found out that I could be able to quit hurting myself
I can eventually find true inner peace
One thing that I have got to do first
Get out of this horrible place
I know my parents don't want me here anymore
I should just move out while I still can have dignity
But no I am not allowed so I guess I have to wait

I came home today
It was the same as always.
Always yelling, always hating
Always calling each other names.
I came home today and there they were
My mother and step father fighting as always
My step father never hits my mother
Which is why I should love him more
Than the pig that is my father.
But sadly I don't love my family.
Since the fact that they don't love me.
My mother even told me that I wasn't her son.
I am adopted
After 16 years of living at home and thinking I was blood
To soon find out that I am a nobody
That hurts in ways I do not understand.
I came home today to find that I still live in a place where I can hate.

10.
I wake up in the morning, my door still locked from the night before
Where I hid myself from the world.
9.
Standing at the bus stop, hoping no one notices the cuts on my wrists or my red, blood shot eyes.
8.
Roaming the halls I generally tried to avoid them, but they always seem to find me, again, and again.
7.
Lunch is the same as always, I'm sitting alone, hoping someone notices me...all I need is a friend.
6.
The bus ride home is full of more taunting...all because I love someone of the same gender...
5.
I finally get home, I do my normal routine, go upstairs to my room, lock the door, and get out my razor.
4.
I'll spend about an hour or so, making the same motions over and over again, thinking...I can't change who I am...
3.
My mom comes home and says that she is starting dinner, I tell her okay, it'll be about an hour.
2.
After dinner I read the texts that the others from school sent me...all the same...mean...discrimination against me...
1.
I'm in my closet...with the chair...and the rope I took from the garage...I'm crying at the note I just left at my door...I go and I knock the chair from under my.