I love you
but no i hate you
cuz i am you, your confusing
but maybe we could add some more color?
i don't know maybe some more um yellow?
it seems that it'll be a cause of distraction
from all the blackness you've tried to cover up with
happiness but that happiness is fake all just a form of your
imagination but of course the world is mine right?
why can't i have the one thing i want the most?

It’s still surreal
I can’t believe it
I... I did this
God... what have I done?
Why am I covered in lines?
Marks of illness and self hatred
Truly, I loathe few things more
Because I see all of me
And you should stay away
I will destroy what’s close
As long as I get a thrill

I've filled my bottle with empty promises
drunk off their sweet lies, bitter after kisses
my blood is wine, and it spills with every tremble
when it rolls out of my hand, jagged pieces littering the cold tile
will I finally see a reflection of my soul
in the glass that I break and the fire in my lungs
with no sun I grow crooked,
to fall in love with myself would be ideal
but even she hates me.

Rupi Kaur once wrote
"Your absence is a missing limb"

and there are sharks,
again,
around my bleeding heart.

My name is Erin
and i was *****
at the age of 7

it has taken me
14 years of my life
for those 13 words to escape
my hollow mouth

the only questions i come to now
is why
why lock me in that room
why take everything from me
my innocence
my purity
my childhood

in that room
where my family trusted you
where i trusted you
the night terrors i have to this day
still haunt my mind

like a never ending
drive in movie that plays
over
and
over
only the moon in the night sky
isnt made to be found here
there is no light in these terrors

i cant sleep this time of year
because every time i do
its you
in that room
locking the door
shutting the windows
******* me
yelling at me
every single night
i close my eyes

it has taken me 14 years
to accept the fact that i was taken by you
i have been numb ever since
left in the dust
rotting away at the core
thinking i was nothing
thinking i deserved nothing
because you took everything

but not anymore
i will recover from this
i am strong enough
i believe in myself
i believe in my own happiness
and i promsie
that when i have children one day
i will never ever let them rot at the core
i will find happiness
the darkness will not take over this time

I know you boy
you like
the perfect rose
the color red
I bleed blue
I cut too deep

I know you
you want simple
traditional
you like the old ways
I'm sorry I can't sit straight
I always look ahead
I stare for too long
I see you melt

I know I scare you away
I know I keep you interested
chasing me
I play a calculated game of hide and seek
I didn't notice you walking in the dark
scared I would lose

I know your type
polar opposites
so different

I water down the roses
I color myself pink

I water myself down
it's the way you'll love me
only if I'm weak