Gouge The Fiction

Gouge The Fiction Sep 2013

I dream of you
And the deep tonality you echo
The sincerity etched to my bone
So that I will never forget the fact

I dream of you
And the pudgy child that came running
Always in the background, always full of wonder
Laughing at things I will never forget

I dream of you
And the sweet nothings you whisper on the dial
The excitement that takes over when I read your letters
The constant reminder of the words I will never forget

I dream of you
And the verbal abuses we bicker back and forth dripped with regret
A cat and mouse chase waiting to fight for the death until one surrenders
Forfeiting the chase I will never forget

I dream of you
And the insecurity of your constant necessity of reassurance
Temporary amnesia you always had towards my own honesty
Forgetting to tell you the words I will never forget

I dream of you
And the opportunities I will never use to convince you
Never will I be able to touch your skin or kiss your lips
I will never forget the last time you said “I love you”.

#love #dream #regret #brokenheart #hoping #wishing #missingyou #distrust #dreamingofyou #childhoodlove

Gouge The Fiction Sep 2013

Hidden Deceit

I should stop
Just stop and walk away
Walk away from everything
Hinder my problems

But I can't
It's my fault
Every touch, a punishment
Every kiss, torture

Lust filled eyes
Leering in the dark
No one notices
Just me

Heart thumping, waiting
For the clear signs of hunger
Just one call is all it takes
To take me in again

And I'll succumb
To your kisses
Your disgusting touches
The monster I created
The affair I'll keep hidden.

#lust #affair #monster #defeat #hunger #disgust #prey #predator #inthedark

Gouge The Fiction Jun 2013

Gracious Lie

Who invented the lie?
How smart was he
To make such an action
Hidden humility

The lie
A gift to the ridiculed
A weapon to the a elite
A curse to the oppressed

Such a lovely thing
A lie can be
To hide true intentions
To tease the population

Yet so powerful it could be
To fool anyone
To lead people on
One great temptress

The best thing it does
Is to fool oneself
To forget everything
To live in your own world

Thus, it is used
Thus, it is loved
Thus, it is needed
By the likes of you and I.

#lie #deceiving #invention #bestinvention

Gouge The Fiction Jun 2013

Processed Fall

Attack, pressed, cornered
Trapped with no where to go

Expecting, watching, judging
How can I speak when I'm out of breath

Disloyal, appalled, betrayal
Warm faces disguise cruelty

Rushing, gushing, maddening
A lump in my throat, tears threatening to flow

Misunderstanding, misdemeanor, misery
Have to fight the tears, give no satisfaction

Frozen, paralyzed, immobile
Quietly surrendered to the abyss

Crazed, insane, dementia
They can't get me now

Masked with their actions
No emotions shown
They've got me
But I too, have got them.

#fall #falling #masks #liars #judgmental #deceiving #outofcontrol #canttakeitanymore #hyperventilation

Gouge The Fiction Jun 2013

People Claustrophobia

My heart beats frantically
Nerves tingling
My breathing, fast
Heart threatening to explode

His look pierces me
Their expectant faces
Judging my very being
Expecting me to fail

So why not let me be?
This dark secret can be kept
No one has to know
Stop insisting

But I have to say it
Then a thought rises,
I can lie
And they will never know

No one bothers to understand
They just want to ridicule
I won't give in
I am not their jester.

#lie #shy #judgement #crowded #claustrophobic #notgivingin

Gouge The Fiction May 2013

Oh, monotony

Wake up
Wash up
Cook
Clean up

Attend class
Scribble notes
Speak up
And eat up

Organize
Sweep
And mop
Repeat as needed

Oh, monotony
You have found me
With your best friend,
Exhaustion

You killed my will to live
Imagination, all gone
Muscle memory keeps me going
Oxygen gives my heart a beat

I may as well be dead
My mind shuts off
The noises all gone
And good ol' monotony comes up to play.

#routine #boring #monotony #deadinside #nolife

Gouge The Fiction May 2013

Shallow Love

Grace as a necessity
Beauty that rivals nature
Quaint modesty of a lady
Perfect appeal to the masses

How can I ever live up to that?

A mere imperfect girl
With less grace and poise
Appearance to ordinary for words
With less modesty than a lady

So, I will never be wanted

Always forgotten
Left behind in the background
Waiting to be seen
To be wanted by anyone

And yet, it's a dream far off

For love knows first impressions
Its shallowness rendering us unavailable
Wanted by the perverse and lonely
Lusted for there is no one else

A vision of love that's lost

Lost to the guys who broke our hearts
To those who use us like toys
Whose love changes by the pound
Whose so called "love" made us cold.

#beauty #insecurities #shallow #ruined #perfectgirl #imperfectgirl #firstimpressions