Problem with today's love is,
there are two souls involved

I cannot find the love
I thought by now I would
But that doesn't make me sad
when maybe it should

I have always been this way
Nothing's new

A reminiscing drink
for their old love
And a practicing ground
for the new

I am and have always been
just another
Cold brew

After
confessions
lovers
commitments
heartbreaks

When I
met you
Then I
felt it

I
have been
am
will always be
an amateur
in love

Teary eyes, crocked lips
Broken faith complementing crooked hips
Factory of life they tell,
wounded souls, whispers to hell
Losing faith, into voids
Body aches yet to avoid
How this makes me stronger I ask
making it bitter for every task
my soul cries and pleads
body is something it needs
for if there is no strength in body to support
what is the meaning of these milestones that I report
I fear I’ll lose my existence
no one will remember this soul in any co-incidence
for again I plead for strength in this body
Will power doesn’t seem enough for a crippled body.

I am crumbled like a paper with inadequate poetry and disowned words.
I am the bad poetry that you hear from an amateur. The one that lacks litery expertise. The one that doesn’t know enough metaphors. The one that fails to rhyme. The one with broken lines. The one that swallows millions stories into a line. The one that need more expertise to be understood than to express. The one that overspills yet fits into mouth just fine. The one you wouldn’t understand. Ever. The one I couldn’t explain to you. Never. The one you would probably hear and dislike at once.

The one that you would hate.

I am that peotry.  

That is short of a melody.

Day by day we cut our talks
word by word,
every day a word short
late night long chats
to one word nod
a sea of explanations
to a drop of glance

nothing more changes
except for the undecided timings
of hanging on the phone,
the unsaid goodnight
at the end of the chat
in the pool of thousands before,

Maybe we have learned to decipher the unsent messages
Maybe we have learned to read between the spaces
Because there’s so much for us to say
but we already know it all

Beyond the horizon of love
I saw you staring back at me
Out of my blues
I approached you to confess my love for you
But there you go
Denying it to every extent
You looked scared
somewhat careful
Maybe it was the world
That mattered more to you.

The fear of losing what you had been aiming for.
The fear of losing what you had been sweating for.
The fear of losing what you had been craving for.

How come you don’t die of this?

And for once
I did not know
where to
begin,
I felt like
I have been looking,
looking for a
love that I
have already
lost.
- Robert M. Drake, Book: Black Butterfly

Out of so many people
confessing love to me,
I am still waiting for your confession
Even when I know you will leap out my faith.

I have saved your scars in the inbox
Approving your unsolicited intrusion in heart more than I have accepted myself
I know you still won't come by yourself.

It's been years of waiting
For you to claim me as your possession
But you have been so much in love
With someone else.

I have known this for years
But I lack courage to accept it
First love is unforgettable
Even if it's one sided.

Your memories are marked important in the inbox
But still you will never come by yourself.

I love the way
how you rip open your heart for her
even when all she has to offer you is salt for your scars.

I love the way
how you offer me the salt
that was spilled and saved from your scars
I love that burn
Of ripping open my heart for you.

How much is

enough
too much

Or a pinch less?

Someday it will hurt you
Harder than it does today
More than you thought it would
You will not have much to say
The deeper you tear me down
The farther I'll take you to hell
The more it soothes your blood
The harder you will burn in there
Stop smiling and ignoring
For it does matter in both our lives
Let it pass now
But you will feel the warmth of fire
When my memories lit out the spark in your mind
And my touch seems like a reminiscing wine
Come closer and breath heavier
Cause it will take you down with ash
My memories will no longer sooth you instead
They will **** you silently
Watch out for all the scars you give me
I will return them back rightly

he said,
you are a lost piece
of my jigsaw puzzle of life
that I have found now
I feel filled
and complete
and now that I have found you,
I will not let you go
away from me

But then he left
with a part of me
in search of
another
lost piece

The farther I look in the sky,
Or the deeper I dwell inside 'I'
The darker, the hollower, the scarier it gets
With no light at the other end
Harder the route of this bare soul gets
All I wanted was to see the truth
But the darkness made it hard to find
I know I had lost it a long ago
But it never crossed my eyes
For the fight is now to escape the darkness
And more than truth now I seek happiness
the lies now are okay to be fed upon
If the lie is that there is light somewhere within me

Amidst the blues of life
we changed over the course of time
grew up together
witnessed the violent weather
only to depart
with memories filling the voids of our heart
with feelings spared to cherish
photo films telling the unheard stories
we lost friendship like people find love
in the ocean of people
You and I
standing on the same island
looking each other in the eyes
observing the unrecognizable features gifted by the time
seeing a stranger unknown
feeling the soul within, well known

You and I
changed over the course of life.

Even when I know that it wouldn't last
I still am trying hard
Enduring the moments of despair
cursing the fate for being unfair
Strong believer of miracles, filled with doubts
praying for rains, fed in droughts
Embracing the tear soaked pillow as if a lover
Drinks touching my lips turn sober
Thoughts on swings as if a child
defying strokes as aftereffects of the ride
I still believe that time is life's leveler
I still believe that one day everything will be fine
I still believe that miracles will happen one more time
I still believe,
For all I have is,
Endurance to perceive
Wait to feel
Walk till endeavor.
Forever.

Beneath the dusk skin
lies a noble heart
the alluring smile
with captive warmth

Those hazel eyes
wandering unknown universe
And thick curly hairs
as downstream river course

Lips uncovering your smile
revealing the heaven for a while
Forhead as a rose petal
voice is divine to tell

You are beautiful my girl
A lost priceless pearl
wish you would have known this
wish this mirror could've you convinced

When I pull off those strangled lines
I try to hold right and tight my emotions
that I might lose one day
while having a cheap wine


my paragraphs were meant to sneak
inside your heart
and resonate the message I scream
for you to know what makes me fall apart

but some words are meant to be felt
not explained or
to make sense to either.
They exist just to exists
for the sake of a tear I lost while hiding in the washroom,
sometimes complimenting sometimes substituting

One day, the strangled words will make sense
One day, It will all be explained

Long after I am gone, untangle my words and talk to them.
They will talk to you.
I promise.

Oh you slippery childhood
now that I have grasped you in the memories as an adult
i realized you slipped from time
leaving the stamps of scars from your slipping tripping and falling

Oh i remember you well
we were charming and happy once
until you lost to the world as
you slipped so many times
every time like some unvalued dime

you slipped as your uncle's hand slipped in your skirt
and then the shirt
you were already fallen and hurt
until you realized that this game was tough for a girl so young

you slipped as the grades slipped from your school report
and again when the mother's tongue slipped with disappointment
you were already torn apart
until you realized that you slipped once more

you slipped once again
when the cloaked words of your street romeo slipped from his tongue
as he announced the things he wanted to do with you from across the street
your eyes were already shamed
until you realized that you slipped once more

you slipped again
when math teacher became harder than math
as he tried to tuck those stare behind the unsolved problems
you were already down on the floor
as you slipped once more

you slipped again
when you wore the black coat with teary eyes
and won the case nullifying your parent's divorce  
you slipped from me
but you were already too broken to be mended again
as you slipped a little harder


oh you slippery childhood
you played hopscotch behind the curtains
and cycled me through the springs
you grew a lot more
until i realized you slipped once more

We run into each otheŕ

Almost everyday

We heat up the breeze around

With smiles shot astray

Then you look into my eyes

And ask me if I am okay

I node a yes

As our daily play

Let me tell you a secret

Just for today

When you look into my eyes

And fire smiles in my heart's hall way

Just stop for a moment

Before you ask me if I am okay

And just stand with me

Or walk together in this way

Then close your eyes

And listen closely to the songs I play

For the lyrics speak louder

What I fail to say

And then my love

You'll know if I am okay

Life isn’t beautiful enough
to be contained in poetry.


                                                       ­          *But poetries are melancholic enough
                                                          ­               to contain sadness and joy of life
                                                            ­                                       in the same line
                                                            ­                                            in few words

On these nights I feel consumed
It's a terrible time to be alive
I wish I never existed
How shallow the emotions are
The happy don't make me happy
The sad don't ****
I mask the shallowness with tricks
It's fine to be assumed
How intricate to be unamused

On these nights I feel heavy
Consumed by the doubts and thoughts
Numbed by the explosions of emotions
The idiocy of rumors shining ******* the mirrors
It's not helped by overthinking
Creating holes and puddles that **** in
Souls and sleeps from within
How pretentious is this ruining

On these nights I say nothing
Moons come and go
Capture praise and envy
settling alone in the dark

Blank papers
Red Inks
and You

feelings overflowing the dams
short of words to spills the oceans
I dive into
sun stained in love
yet no rhymes to capture the sunshine
you bestow upon me

an integral part of my life
you are, love of my life
but I find no words to describe the feelings
that I hold for you firmly in a fist
clenched strongly
for still I lack expertise
in love
in life
in poems
nightmares of which letting go
ruining my days
yet comforted by the last night texts
this ocean is deep, isn't it?

In which I'm ready to drown

I see how the pink of your cheeks gets richer
as the corner of my lips turn curvier,
So connected we are!

I see how the void chambers of your heart are filled
as I erupt into pieces that fit,
So complete we are!

I see how the bruises on your soul leave
as I pour my blood on it
So healed we are!

There was hidden poet in there
filled with misery
concealed safely
behind the smile
tucked in tight
that looses itself at night
beautifying the misery of life
in rhymes and sonnets
calligraphed in blue and black
immortalizing the sorrow
on the sheets that shout in silence
through the words
that couldn’t help him
while
he was alive