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I'm addicted to having my heart broken

Sometime while he's groping my chest
He rips my heart out of it

I live for being lied to

Keeping my eyes covered staying blind
As to only rely on his words

I'm crazy about being a game piece

To be handled and moved wherever he pleases
For toys are meant to be played with

Mostly though
I'm addicted to having my heart broken
Us
More than you, I miss us.
I miss who we were,
when we were.
She was deciding our fate
On the petals of flowers she picked
From her mother’s garden
When she left it at
“He loves me not,”
Convinced herself this was true,
And chose to float away
Like the petals in the wind.
Your love is like a cigarette
On my mind when I first wake up
On my mind when my world is too caught up
On my mind all the time, even their smell
Quitting would only be hell
Addicted from the start
Both bad for my heart
Cigarettes leave burn holes in my bed
The place you once lead
Light on my lips, but nothing like his
Inhale the smoke
But still, I inhaled you most
Bad for my lungs
Both my favorite on my tongue
But you still make me catch my breath
Ever since day one
How do you look at the person you've loved for so long and force yourself to walk away?
Push yourself to forget every laugh,
Every kiss,
Every touch,
Every longing glance.
Watch them fall in love with someone else:
Someone more beautiful,
Someone more talented,
Their soul mate
And wonder why it couldn't have been you.
Why you were simply not good enough.
And remind yourself that you let them go,
That this could be you.
But you were too insecure,
Too stupid,
Too selfless.
How do you convince yourself that you did the right thing when every night you are up until two in the morning screaming their name?
When you don't want to wake up because in your dreams they're still yours.
When their name burns like hard liquor at two in the morning
But makes your stomach feels so warm,
Pain can be mistaken for love.
How do you convince yourself that they are better off?
When you are completely miserable without them.
When you still crave their touch,
See the smile on their face and know that you are not the one behind it.
That you will never be the reason again.
How do you act like strangers?
Pretend that you didn't spend hours in his arms planning out your future.
Forget how much it hurts to think of when he promised you forever.
How do you live with the epiphany that
Love doesn't last forever.
We were a matching pair,
but as soon as you left
the game appeared to be fair.

Never mind the noises in my head,
I  just want to know that you're okay
all alone in your bed.

No more arms to wrap me,
but you have someone for sleep
while I'm just left be.

It's not that it's bad to be gone,
but I miss you too much
for you to be done.
i hate myself
i know i shouldn't hate myself
but i hate myself so much right now
and i hate you for making me hate myself
when all i did was love you when i
should've been loving myself
It's really not fair what you did to me
or should i say doing to me
and it's really starting to get hard to hold all my pieces together
especially if some of them are pieces you left behind
your arms held me
together
so when you let go
and walked away
i fell apart
a million pieces of
confusion and pain
as time went on the pieces of me
became sharper and more jagged
nobody would dare try
to put me back together
for everyone i touch
gets cut
it is a lonely thing
I sit here and I listen
To all the things you say
And the biggest lie of all
Is that I don't care in any way
Sometimes life *****.
©Sam Ciel
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