Finally, I can look at myself in the mirror
Because I now love myself
In ways I didn’t think were possible

It wasn’t easy getting here
Years of therapy
And so many tears
But I’m starting to discover
I am worthy of love

And so are you
You make me smile
And you lessen the blues
Ohh what would I do
Without you?

Remember
That together
We are unstoppable

The thing with anxiety is that it is like a door. Once that door is opened, it is not easy to close. Thoughts flow into my mind like a tsunami on the east coast. I have already been giving more effort than I have. I do not have anything left to give but the world wants more and I must show that I am functioning.

I am optimistic. I am sure of that. But the everyday activities are getting harder to complete and I am passed the point of crying. Tears get me no pleasure and get me nowhere.

These are not good feelings. Yes, they are numbing but they are not helping the thoughts.

Stop. Seriously, I am too tired to deal with you today. This entire weekend, I let you consume me. Maybe I did not “let” you, but I did not fight back as much as I probably should have.

I slept! I should not be this tired.

The levels continue rising and I do not know how to acknowledge them in a way that others will not notice and question. The last thing I want is for others to feel uncomfortable by the way that I am feeling externally. I cannot keep these thoughts and feelings inside because they are eating away at the very little good that is left in me.

It will not be easy, but it is doable.

Stop, please do not get angry. I do not know why you choose to express it in such a way. I refuse for you to have angry tears. I will let you… no, I changed my mind. Breathe.

My head is hurting so bad, but it is keeping me awake.

I forgot what sanity felt like. I am so busy with my spiraling thoughts. Leave me be. I am scary and I am scared of myself.

Why are humans so critical of themselves and those who they think down on?

These are good people. These people around you are good people. You appreciate their presence and existence. But you want to escape. You want to leave and be alone. No, you do not consider yourself a martyr of any sorts. You would rather try to figure out what is going on before you drag others in the mix.

I do not know why the feelings are still there. My head hurts from fighting them or trying to act opposite of the way I truly feel.

Everything around me appears gray. I do not believe it to be gray, but my feelings and my thoughts make it more difficult to move forward.

Why am I trying when I get nowhere? I feel worse each and every day. Maybe that sounds dramatic, but it is so ****** up that it is the truth.

I am sorry. I hope you know that.

I will let nature take its course, but I would not mind if it decided the end of my fate was today.

The days are long and nights are too, but the work remains undone and pain continues to rise.

I do not hate myself. I am very disappointed though. I thought I would be better by now.

This earth doesn’t seem to be for me
I wanna be in the clouds
With those I lost and miss so much

I can’t erase my mistakes
I don’t know how to forgive myself

My head is in the clouds
Ohh let me go

I promise I’ll be okay Mami
This pain won’t seem to leave
So it’s time that I do
It’s my time to go

I’ll watch over you
Just like you did
For 19 years

Now I’m in the clouds
And I’m finally smiling

I know you’ll shed some tears
But I’m finally happy
Here in the clouds
Here in the clouds

I just wanted to believe in us
But you gave me no reasons to

I thought things would change
That you would get better
That you’d treat me with kindness
And not be so bitter

Ohh I was fool to think you’d love me
Like you did when were 18

Now we’re in our twenties
And life hit us tough

You’d take it out on me
With the blow of punch
I conceal it with makeup
Around my family
But I know they know
Something is wrong

I don’t need saving but I’m lost

Ohh I want to believe that things will get better
I want to believe that our trust is forever

But it took one last beating for me to see that
You are monster
That cannot be reached

I don’t want to be alone
But I end up that way

Part of me wants to go out
But anxiety holds me back

I try to push myself to socialize
But depression always holds me tight

So I just lie in bed  
Why can’t I even cry?

Ohh I’m lonely
This is so confusing
And it is consuming me

My mind is distorted
And it says:

“No one wants to be around me
Everyone always leaves
Will anyone every love me?”

This loneliness
might be the end of me

I lie in bed
Wide awake

What to do
I’m so confused

My heart is racing
Palms are sweating

I’ve lost control of this

Legs are shaking
Mind is spinning

Why aren’t I over this?

I try to breath
To lower my anxiety

But all I think is that I’m dying... dying

Am I really dying tonight?

There's so much that I have to do
They say **** it up and push on through

Every day is just meaningless
All these pills they just tire me

But I’ll break these chains

Ooh, I won't tolerate

All these nights
I can't fall asleep

Give me back my personality

So set me free
Ooh, set me free

No more running
No more running from me

I’ll keep fighting
I’ll keep fighting
I’ll keep fighting until I’m finally free