Words can't hurt me,
Or at least that's what I say.
Because admitting it hurts,
Only creates more honest prey.

Small in your eyes,
And small in mine.
Like a speck of nothing;
Give me a sign.

Is there any meaning?
Should I go on?
What is the point in
Staying past dawn?

Let's be honest,
And tell the truth.
You hate me,
And I hate you.

You don't even know me,
Not that you want to.
You live your life in red;
I live mine in blue.

We have nothing in common.
That used to not matter.
But any semblance of friendship
Was led to shatter.

I fell in love with the idea of death;
A knife became my best friend,
And despite my goodness,
I wanted my life to end.

Sensitive by nature,
I cannot understand.
The hatred that people feel,
The answers they demand.

If you could see my soul,
You would live in shock;
Believe me, my friend,
I wish I could turn back the clock

A road that never ends,
Is terrifying to travel.
Will I be born anew,
Or will my mind unravel?

Like whispers in the wind,
My words have gone.
What can I say?
What excuse can I don?

Being silent is easier,
Than conveying this grief.
The death of who I was,
The birth of disbelief?

Inching through life,
A broken shell.
I thought I had hit rock bottom,
But yet again I fell.

I stare into a stranger's eyes,
When I look in the mirror.
But behind the dull look
Is an overwhelming fear.

What if this never changes?
What if I can't come back?
If I'm gone forever?
If myself I'll always lack?

But more so than that,
I'm afraid of myself.
The atrocities I commit,
Cannot be good for my health.

I'm supposed to heal?
When I hate who I am?
Is that even possible,
Or is even trying a sham?

Take your medication.
Like candy each day.
If it's not working,
Then take it twice a day.

You don't feel like yourself?
You're complaining about that?
I thought after what you've done,
You'd be patting me on the back.

I guess it is better to be numb.
Than to feel this weight.
When I took that knife to my throat,
I had already decided my fate.

Like whispers in the wind,
My words have gone.
What can I say?
What excuse can I don?

Send me to prison.
The joke's on you.
It can't be worse
Than what I put myself through.

Take me away,
From this "life" that I lead.
It has grown unfamiliar,
So please hear my plea.

I don't know me,
But my family pretends to.
"We'll talk about it," they say.
But then we never do.

So judge me and hate me,
Critique and berate me.
Because even I
Cannot stand the sight of me.

I change each year just a little,
Shedding the skin I grew to know.
That's part of growing up,
You reap what you sow.

I have freedom now,
But I miss the structure of the past.
Does that make me weak,
To want something to last?

Things look different to me, now,
The world shifting around me.
I recognize none of this,
And yet memories only make me bleed.

Is it wrong to miss the chaos?
Is it wrong to want to go back?
I grew up in fear,
I was always under attack,

I'm not sure how to exist without the chaos.
I don't know how to make it through.
I used to have dreams, plans,
But deep down I knew.

This was my fate all along.
To forget myself at last.
Everything has fallen apart;
Turned to shattered glass.

I once compared myself to a flower,
But flowers seem to wither apart.
They cannot withstand the cold,
Nor can they endure a dark heart.

Flowers exhibit fragility like nothing else,
And that is how I viewed myself.
Looking back on my life, now,
I see the sins I have kept on a shelf.

I see the things I have hidden from the world,
The traits that sleep deep inside of me.
Attributes of which I should be ashamed,
Truths I will never set free.

The monster which taunted me,
It has left a blatant mark.
Pulling me so close,
And placing its hand upon my heart.

I fear that is what I have become,
Not a flower, nor a part of nature at all.
The changes that I have made,
They have led me to my downfall.

Lost something along the way,
Fell off the broken path.
Struggled with being gay,
Felt the world's wrath.

Flowery words convey humanity,
Sometimes describe sanity,
Sometimes evoke vanity,
Hold no place for profanity.

But, tonight, all I can say is *******.