The darkness is approaching again
And it’s getting stronger than before
The pain is unbearable
The sorrow is surreal

Everyday we fight it
Everyday we succeed
But only just
And we are slowly losing the war

It creeps up on us
With only the smallest of negativity
Coming at us full force
Causing the small to feel huge

Paranoia strikes
We fear something we did was wrong
We begin to freak out
Did we mess up along the way

The self doubt begins
Telling us we’re bad
That no one likes us
No one really cares

We are just tolerated
We know this is not true
But the doubt pushes on
Causing us to question ourselves

We turn to darkness
Hiding from the light
Because we don’t want others
To see us this way

Hiding in the shadows
Putting on a brave face
Wearing laughter as a mask
We hide away the pain

Fearing that if we be true
It will become reality
Society molded us wrong
And with that caused great sorrow

Mental illness isn’t a thing
We all heard it as a child
You are too young to be depressed
Yet that’s when it all starts

We fear others
Yet we need to be close
We fear they might leave us
So I’m return we hide ourselves

Running around with a blank expression
Hiding our true selves
When will the world see
That we are all broken

No one really knows when this will be
So instead of doing something
We hide in the darkness
Waiting for the light to shine

Hoping that one day
The darkness will vanish
And we can be our true selves
In the light of day

Love is a torrent of emotions and feelings
Some pleasant
While others full of pain
All depending on the actions of others

Love is a complex array
A tangled mess of happiness and sorrow
All bundled up in a soft package
Waiting to be explored

It can be the best
And the worst thing
You will ever feel
In your entire life

There will be good times
And there will be bad
But in the end it’s what we all strive for
Because without love we can call ourselves human

Many people feel that humans
Are separated from animals
For a number of reasons
But I believe it is our ability to love

We love unconditionally
We strive for it
We don’t care how bad it hurts us
All we care is that it’s there around us

Some dive head first
Some dip a toe in
Some are afraid to go near in
And some can’t give it up

We can also be blind to it
Completely wanting one love
Even though it isn’t there
While someone close is enveloped

Or we choose to ignore it
Pushing our feelings aside
Because we are too afraid
Of the unknown outcomes

We should strive ourselves to push forward
Learn from the past but not fear it
There is a lot of hurt in this world
But there is also a lot of love

As a species we evolved from basic needs
We no longer mate for breeding
We mate for love
Which sets us apart from animals

Whether it be love of ourselves
Or the love of another
We push ourselves forward
Latching onto that feeling

I’m starting to forget what it feels like to be happy
The only time I’m happy now is around one person
But that one person doesn’t acknowledge me like I do them
And it hurts me so bad that I want to scream

I love this person with all my heart
I pray for their safety and well-being
When they don’t answer their phone I get worried
And my paranoia runs rampant

I wish they could see how much they mean to me
If only I was good enough for them
If only I wasn’t so dysfunctional
If only I could be happy all the time

It feels like they don’t know just how I feel
That my feelings for them aren’t true
Or that I just want to use them
But what they don’t see is when they aren’t with me

I crave their presence
I wish for them to be near
I long for their touch
I long for their kiss

I need them
I feel incomplete without them
And it brings nothing but misery
And it’s slowly killing me

I long for the day they finally see me
The one that has loved them through everything
All the good and the bad
Every flaw they have

I hope they see it soon
Cause it’s getting too much to bear
This emptiness I feel
When they don’t acknowledge my love

When you think about it
Life is anything but fair
But the kicker that destroys it all
Is losing the one you like to another

The emotions that ensnare
The betrayal that’s felt
The love turned to anger
Lost in an endless spiral

You try to say it’s okay
You say it’s not your fault
There’s nothing you could do
Nothing you could say

Just live with it and wait
For emotions get easier
But you never listen
And probably never will

You lash out and scream
Cursing yourself and others
Hating that it could never be
As simple as you and I

Your emotions turn cold
You lose the feeling of laughter
Losing yourself you crumble
Into a pile of broken stone

And there you wait
For a while
Till it becomes clear
It was never meant to be

In the darkest pits of my soul
I know what I want will never be
But every time I see your face
I can’t but hope it to be

I continue to hope
That the more time we spend
The stronger your love for me will become
But that’s not the case is it

I’m ****** to live like this
Eternally wanting you by my side
While you urn for another
And are blind to the love you get

I’m stuck in time
Begging for you by my side
To return to what we once had
To what was ripped away before our eyes

It doesn’t matter what I do
All you see is your love for them
I would do anything you tell me to
With a second thought or glance

What must I do to get you to see
The one who loves you is in front of you
The one who would give up everything
Just to be with you

But I now know that will never be
You love her and never me
My love is nothing but misery
And soon will be the end of me

My light has been tainted
By the eternal darkness
I’m trying to stay positive
But the darkness is destroying me

I’m wishing for things to change
But I know it will never be the same
I wish I would feel the light
I wish I could feel the touch of your lips

My heart is aching
Begging for you to come back
I wish so bad for your love again
But I’m just by myself

I’m all alone in the darkness
Afraid of the demons
That run around inside my head
Terrorizing me in my dreams

The only light I had
To keep them at bay
Is now gone
And my whole being begs for it back

My love is gone
My heart turning cold
My soul set on fire
Waiting to be set free

Thoughts race in this jagged mind of mine
head spinning and mind collapsing
what am I?
Am I a man or a woman?

Born male
yet I don't identify
I dress up as a female
yet I don't identify

torn between these two structures
that classify the human gender
yet I don't identify
It's killing me to realize

Maybe I'm both
maybe I'm not neither
so much to figure out
so much to process

the thoughts keep racing
beginning to spiral out of control
Pronouns he, him and his
never really fit

the pronouns she, her and hers
only left scars
at first I thought of transitioning
to clear out my head

but now it's like a stab wound
festering upon my soul
am I a man
or am I a woman

they both seem so permanent
and yet seem doable
so maybe I a both
but that's my choice to find

I like being called he
yet I like being called she
I like being called they
so maybe I'm both and neither in a whole

so call me crazy
say that I'm broken
say that I'm not right in my head
but at least I have the courage to be me