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To my poor damaged heart
I'm sorry that you feel things so deeply
Every time you see a person in pain
you become so weak that it makes your job of keeping me alive so much more stressful
I'm sorry I didn't listen to you when you tried to warn me about that ******* back when I was eighteen
Instead I ignored you and allowed him to break you into pieces with an emotional hammer
I'm sorry that I kept you in a box for three years
when all you wanted was to be felt,
to be heard,
to be given the freedom to beat so loud
the world couldn't help but stop and listen to what you had to say
I'm sorry for not giving you the time you needed to heal properly
when every man you trusted bruised you with words
that still bring tears to my eyes when I am left alone with my thoughts for too long
I am sorry that I tossed you at the first person I thought could save me
when it was me who had the ability to save myself all along
Most importantly I am so sorry that now that I have set you free from your box you are too damaged to do all of the things you wanted to do for a long time
You're so terrified of being handled with any kind of care because you fear you won't survive the next time someone gets tired of me and decides to drop you as you shatter to pieces on the floor
I am so sorry for being a disappointment
and not taking better care of you
My poor damaged heart
I am sorry
I am so so sorry


I blamed some of my past personal pain on people when in reality I was the cause of some of the pain I went through. I made certain choices that forced me to face serious consequences. It's true that people have hurt me but I also hurt myself by letting my pain have control over my life. I kept punishing myself for so long over things that happened years ago. I am learning to forgive myself. It's not easy but I think it's time I allowed myself to be happy again.
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: May 30, 2016 Monday 3:53 AM
Missing you comes
in violent waves,
shades of vibrant
blues, and broken
down déjà vu's.
You can hear it if you closely listen
That's the beat of my heart missing
What I wouldn't give right now
For a glimpse of Sarah's smile

So inviting, so wide open
Where there's beauty in the knowing
Wonder of the child
Inside of Sarah's smile

Corners turned up in perfection
Leaves no room or need for guessing
As you soon find out
Inside of  Sarah's smile

Bringing life to clarity
Giving them away for free
Love the only sound
Inside of Sarah's smile

There is laughter in the making
No time that is ever wasted
What I wouldn't give right now
For a glimpse of Sarah's smile
Just thinking of my beautiful daughters smile.
All are cast upon life's Seas
All have cares and doubt
We can freeze at 0°
Or we can Scream & Shout

The Tempest tears at our proud sails
The waves crash on our decks
The winds wail, our strength can fail
And we can end up wrecks

Caught between two destinies
The Scylla and Charybdis
The devil and the deep blue sea
The malstrom comes to haunt us

But... avast there, mate! It's not your fate!
There asleep upon your lee
Is God so great, He's never late!
And he can calm the sea!

Have you heard? He has awoken!
He's not in the grave!
Tho we are broken, He has spoken!
He's Ruler of the waves!

So do not fear the hurricanes
For as sure as I was born
Tempests wane, in sad refrain
Before the

Maker of the Storm


SoulSurvivor
(C) 7/14/2016
Jesus Calms the Storm
Mark 4:35-41
The Witches stir a cauldron
Encased in rust and mold
In it is burning fire
And many screaming Souls

They do not see the witches
They do not smell the stench
They only fight each other
With words that make me blanch

There are higher powers
Who constantly make war
They love the low emotions
And Thrive when there are more

The Witches stir The Cauldron
And laugh when they do see
Their victims fight each other
As they do continually.

And they may keep on fighting

Into ETERNITY.


SoulSurvivor
(C) 7/6/2016
I had long footnotes at one time. But due to my most recent writing, "prayer for humility" I've decided to take them down. I want no words railing against others to proceed from my pen. That is part of the problem not the solution. May everyone who reads this look at Alyssa Underwood scriptural references below. They are very pertinent. Evil has created a Punch and Judy show here on this site. The protagonists are like puppets being manipulated by Machiavellian forces beyond their ken. We must always remember that we are not battling blood and bone humans. But actual demonic forces. They love to stir the *** and cause people to degrade themselves with hatred. Let's stop it now. Whatsoever is Noble. Whatsoever is lovely. Whatsoever is of good report... meditate on these things. Thank you!

♡ Catherine
Look to the One who reigns
In goodness and mercy
Who conquers the foe
Look to the One is over all
Lord Jesus, Jesus, Lord over all
How could Jesus be  a white man
How could Jesus be a black man
How could Jesus be a white man
How could Jesus be a black man

This idea hit me like lighting
We are made in Gods likeness
So it don't matter if Christ had black or white skin
Because he died for our sins
And your like I can't believe in him
Because of the pain within
Pain from racism
The ignorance of the founders who didn't establish this
Do you know the region
Listen children listen men
This faith was birthed before Americans
Before Christopher Columbus
But to the truth there's numbness
You can research there's no comfort in dumbness
I am not a Israelite
But I am a gentile covered in the blood of Christ
When men lead power gets abused
The truth gets misused
Distorted into obsession
Distorted into aggression
Against its twin its kin
Esau and Jacob
Flesh is just our parents genetic makeup
Hitting you with living water like wake up
Christ exchanged his self for us like Nicholas Cage face off
See Christ blood all red cut race off
Do you know your geography
Is your belief based on your own philosophy
Don't promise me
Promise he
God deserves an apology
We done let the color of skin become our idolatry
The black Israelites
Yeah right
Sound like the Aryan nation won't get into heaven unless your white
I mean black yeah black God is black
Clearly your spiritual growth shows lack
Think about when them whips hit his back
Shredded his flesh like cheddar
We deserve hell forever

How could Jesus be  a white man
How could Jesus be black man
How could Jesus be a white man
How could Jesus be a black man




Blood runs red lighter than black darker than white
Christ willfully died didn't put up a fight
So why we fight for identity
When we should have identity in he
Not  black or white supremacy
Ku Klux **** ram sack your land
Set fire to the cross
Black man lost in a rebel mindset rage against his white boss
Yet both claim Christ stripes
Like they could afford the cost
Have you ever been hit with a whip
Not any but one with lead tips
Crackle of flesh being ripped
Blood is what fell it was not the color of skin that dripped
Race hate  which decays the moral fabric
To our core we are savages full of madness
Well consider this poetic justice no Janet
I am here to let y'all have it
John 14:6 Christ is the way the truth and the life.
It does not say the way for the black or the white
He came to save every pigmentation
We are the Body of Christ the wrist and shoulder cannot be in segregation
Look at the churches present day situation
I am white where is the Christian Rock
I am black man play some gospel
I am like man where is the Bible
How is this foolishness possible
The Holy Spirit guides us into true education
Life and death the only true separation
Jesus is a white man, Jesus is a black man , Jesus is every man because he took it all to cover our lack man
Only ONE RACE
the HUMAN RACE.

The dividers
and conquerors
all trying to convince you
otherwise.

And they are
NEVER
on the frontlines.

They
manipulate
you
stirring up
emotions
hatred.

That people should die
for the mistakes
of the few.

God hates those who stir up strife.

The only
so-called
winners
are the manipulators
the millionaires and billionaires...

those who orchestrate
the mess
who PAY people
TO HATE...

turning them into mercenaries
MERCENARY
HATERS
AND
MURDERERS

and NOT for the reasons
they think.

The ORCHESTRATORS
don't care
ONE WHIT
about the cause

ONLY
about the
POWER and CONTROL
they
HOPE TO GAIN

when they
"HAVE TO"
quell the mess
and put out the fires

Which
THEY CREATED
by
THEIR MANIPULATIONS.

BEWARE
how people
try to use your emotions

for
THEIR GREEDY GAIN

TO CONTROL
YOU.

WE ARE ALL
ONE
RACE

THE HUMAN RACE.

Reach out
try to
LOVE YOUR NEIGHBOR

YOUR BLOOD IS ALL THE SAME!

WOUNDED

ONE
DROP OF BLOOD

IT'S
ALL THE SAME.

cj 2016
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices in the truth.. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 1 Corinthians 13:4-7

It's like a magic formula.  Apply it to any situation, and improvement begins almost immediately.  Think of what the world would be like if we all used this as a guideline--never rude, always kind, patient...We would have heaven on earth.---Debbie Macomber
The Lord knows

He sees the evil

He knows those of us
who sigh and cry
who look around
and see the evil
in our midst.

We want to run
yes run
run screaming
from all this evil...

The way of man

it is not in him
to want
to do right

we must follow
hard
follow hard after God.

Because the evil
the gross evil
all around us
is falling down
all around us.

Imploding
our society is imploding...
We cannot fight it
though we must try.

We can only
walk
circumspectly
keeping our eye
on our Creator...

because you see
the Lord
does know
how to rescue
the godly people
from their trials

and He does know
how to keep
the wicked
under punishment
until that final day
of judgment...

Oh, sigh and cry
hear and fear
reverence
our Lord.

So great
is His faithfulness
His love.

So great is He.

In the midst
of all
our pain
our grief
and our sorrow

there still is
hope.

He will not fail us.

Hope in Him

Hope.

cj 2016
I Peter 2:19
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