Memories of that day
A seemingly endless moment in time
Still torturously haunt me
By captivating my mind

The things that were forcefully stolen
Can never be returned
Only replaced with sadistic images
On my soul, they are forever burned

The barrage of hits and touches
Grew invisible by the passing of time
Though the body does not forget
I was seared and branded by their heinous crime...

The Light...

Breaks through an ever-expanding wall of darkness and despair,
In order to peel away the mask of smoke and mirrors;
So I can bask in your rays
Of unconditional love and understanding.

What I wanted was a hug from her
At a time when I needed it most
Reassurance from some loving arms
Forever keeping me safe and close

What I got was an apparent attagirl
Your strength sure makes us proud
Just cover the bruises and move forward
Speaking of it is never allowed

What I wanted was for him not to judge
Assuming that it had to be my fault
Simply by going against the grain
And not utilizing the skills I was taught

What I got was his scrutiny and doubts of faith
Citing my deficiency had gotten in the way
A reminder that God truly does keep score
Testing those of us who often go astray

You see, family plays a pivotal role in persona
Either developing solid roots of generational ties
Or they are unversed in shaping, nurturing, and growth
Unwittingly becoming the enemy in disguise

What I need from my family is a listening ear
Being supportive through silence is sometimes right
I do realize opinions will want to be shared
However, please refrain from giving me unsolicited advice

What I need is to feel heard and not admonished
For speaking against those who are no longer around
Enough damage is being done all on my own
Because my admiration and love knows no bounds

What I need most importantly is extra patience
The vile devastation caused by "them" was immense
I am working hard to heal the scars left behind
So bear with me, the journey is long and intense

Chained by self-doubt
In a dungeon of in-betweens
Barred from moving to either side
Stuck motionless in the seam

A wearisome place where all the "I don't
know's" and "I don't care's" lose any voice at all
So monotonous that individualism and
opinions cannot break through the prison
walls

Complacency will start to settle in
By becoming increasingly comfortable within
the rut
Unless intervention allows a glimpse beyond
the despair
That entices the healing of a fearful gut

How does one openly share
With many strangers in a room
All the atrocities and scars
That mark your impending doom

Always leading with the heart
Has left it broken and rather dead
Causing the mind to eventually take over
Numbing you down to invisibility instead

Simply wishing to fade away
Into vast webs of silent misery
While a boisterous and opposing point of view
Keeps aiming for your victory

Strong-armed, not so gently, into a situation
That leaves you stripped down, sullen, and bare
Brings about complete and utter discomforts
All of which, you hope no one is aware

Longing for some connection
Though fearful of the start
Freezes you into a silence
Unable to be of any part

Your tongue becomes sluggishly thick
Appearing knotted, twisted, and tied
Oblivious to the surroundings
While your brain is quietly being fried

Amid the haze, a courageous voice is heard
   sharing pieces of a story
With similarities to that of your own
Sending reassurance throughout a weary head
That there is no longer a need to feel so lost and alone

You are beautifully broken and chaotic
Then again, so is everyone else
You wear your heart on the sleeve
While theirs is on a shelf

Caring too much
Versus not caring at all
The former labels you too sensitive and weak
While the latter will label the mind small

Selfless thinking takes courage and strength
Making you a target in others eyes
You will gladly take the brunt of the blow
In keeping an opportunity for kindness alive

Looking out for your fellow human
A simple act that carries no mystique
It just makes some of the beautifully broken
Shine brighter by being beautifully unique

They can be dark
They can be bright
Reflecting all the brilliant colors from the
morning light

They can seem empty
They can seem full
Expressing the constant ebb and flow of
society's pull

Some will remain open
Some will remain forever closed
Waiting for that moment when it's OK to be
exposed

Some will invite rigidity
Some will invite change
Hanging on to the notion that "what is"
doesn't always have to remain

It's all about perception
Eyes come in many different sizes, hues, and
clarity
So, those windows to nowhere may also be the
windows to everywhere for me