While I would lay on your chest
Your lips pressed against my neck
As your fingertips drew on my back
I would always quietly ask you
What you were writing
You would smile
Which I would feel travel from my throat
To my soul
And gently say my full name
But with your last name

have you ever stopped to think
that maybe i raise my voice
not out of disrespect
but maybe
so you can listen?
listen.
there is a heart here, afraid. of you.
there is brokenness you inflicted. pain you named into existence.
wounds that maybe time will heal.
there is laughter that does not want you to hear it.
a song whispered so that you cannot have it.
one day the whisper will become a song.
the laughter a poem.
the heart a voice, saying,
i am here i am here i am here
i am here i am here i am here
i am here
and you will listen.

are you still alive sweetpea?
sometimes i think i'm dead but i'm still here.

I am a warrior.
Stronger than her demons.
Braver than the darkness.

It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

1116

There is another Loneliness
That many die without—
Not want of friend occasions it
Or circumstances of Lot

But nature, sometimes, sometimes thought
And whoso it befall
Is richer than could be revealed
By mortal numeral—

The man invites me to his midnight walk
He’s having a rough night.

We walk through freezing cold
To a destination never right.

The circles our feet pace
Mirror his spinning mind.

And I am kept heart running
As I match his pace in kind.

I’ve walked too many of these walks
To think yours is benign.

For I can say, that none have ever
Left us healthy fine.

Don’t lead me on another chase
After the shadows of men.

I’m putting my foot down firm.
I will not walk again.