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Emily S Jan 9
Out in the wild world
I felt the wind whirling around me
I enjoyed sunlight dancing on my skin
I craned my body to absorb as many of its footsteps

Back at the house
I hide in a bathrobe
I clean dishes carefully
I pray I do not wake a beast hidden within

Out with my friends
I laugh and sip at good coffee
I play violin and her piano accompanies me
I steal touches and photographs to preserve her love

Back at the house
I am in bed again before noon
I hide behind doors and to-do chores
I hope I appease the beast hidden within

I wish the house was a home filled with the warm happiness outside it, so I open the windows and doors to let it in.
Emily S Nov 2019
Once again
I’m the *****
For not being
Your Barbie doll
Emily S Jul 2019
Last weekend, I climbed Yosemite.
Last night, I went to a bar for the first time.
Today, my boss reminded me to send a presentation draft.
This morning.
.
This morning.
.
This morning, the boy who nearly ***** me months ago.
.
Apologized.
.
He sent me an email, so I wouldn't have to see him.
I've left it marked unread, despite reading it twice.
.
I don't know what or whether to respond to him.
I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.
.
This was months ago, and I haven't thought about him in at least a month.
.
He writes that he didn't apologize earlier partly for fear of making things worse.
Is this "things made worse," this panic and reminder?
?
Dear boy,
I know how you felt then, and I don't know what I feel now.
.
Sorrow.
.
Thank you for the apology.
I don't know if I can forgive you.
.
I hope you are well.
.
Best wishes.
Emily.
Not meant to be polished. An exercise in processing.
Emily S Dec 2018
When my brother
Slams me
BAM
On the cabinet
His arms on my neck
GASP

It is the fault of our cultures
The years we’ve spent chipping at each other
***** *****
He with curses and volume
Me with ivy vined words
rustle

When I come back from the Ivy tower I’ve gardenened
Shoom!
When he come back from his wall of sound
Crash!

My words are more poisonous
His anger is more violent
Together
We tear each other apart.

RIP
Though you may go off to become an adult, by sad alchemy you may grow to be even more skilled at being different. Seeing each other again you transform into children with adult bodies and deadlier weapons.
Emily S Nov 2018
The man invites me to his midnight walk
He’s having a rough night.

We walk through freezing cold
To a destination never right.

The circles our feet pace
Mirror his spinning mind.

And I am kept heart running
As I match his pace in kind.

I’ve walked too many of these walks
To think yours is benign.

For I can say, that none have ever
Left us healthy fine.

Don’t lead me on another chase
After the shadows of men.

I’m putting my foot down firm.
I will not walk again.
Emily S Sep 2018
The aliens who had teleported into my room asked me a question.

        When had I last seen the stars?

I answered truthfully that I’ve stayed up late many nights, when the stars come out.

“But when had you last seen them?” They insisted.

It wasn’t for stargazing that I was up late, I admitted to them. Besides, there’s too much light in the city for the stars to shine here.

It must have been several years ago, when I was a little girl and my father showed me Orion’s belt, the last time we were camping in the middle of nowhere.

         They teleported me to space.

The stars were gone. And I hadn’t noticed.

       They teleported me back to my room, because there was nothing to see. I went back to my studies. It was still night.

Three tears dripped out of my eyes. I finally stared out of the window as they fell.

Orion’s belt shone brightly back at me.
Emily S Jun 2018
Forget houses or apartments
I call three cities home.
Drop me in one of these
Disparate points on a map
And I know I belong.

Just as I can’t commit to one life project
Too in love with everything I do
You can’t receive a straight answer
When you ask me to choose.
Where do you call home?

Why not call everything on this planet home?
Why not call my loved ones my home?
Why not call the slivers of neighborhoods
Forests, mountains, deserts familar to me home?
Why not call it a state of mind, not of place.

Though the three cities are thousands of miles apart,
They form one map for me
My home.
It’s sad to leave home again. At the same time, it’s good to be back home again.
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