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Amelia of Ames Dec 2022
You have taught me
that I can want birth and kids and marriage
You have taught me
that I can give myself pleasure
You have taught me
that mindfulness is based on curiousity, not belief
You have taught me
that I want security, as well as a partner and friend
You have taught me
to speak up for what it is my heart wants
You have taught me
some pieces in the holes of my past
You have taught me
to dominate
You have taught me
to receive
You have taught me
to massage
You have taught me
to climb
Amelia of Ames Dec 2022
When you break my heart, it will be worth it, because you made me feel the whole of it again
You poor deprived boy, you are the tragic one to not feel the awe of love
While you see in me a book that has opened its pages for you
I see in you our happiness, our selves, our life
I feel like a medium
I feel like a clown
I feel like the worst *****
Who sold herself for her heart, in the rush of a holiday sale
I feel like I am stripped naked and returned to a truth clothed by logic and scorn
I trust you to care for me when you break me
You sweet beautiful thing
Bombyx mori, or silk worms, almost never reach full maturity. They are boiled alive in their larval stage, for their cocoons to be used to make one of the world's most prized, soft, sensual fabrics.
Amelia of Ames Nov 2022
I want to tell you that I love you.

“I love you,” isn’t necessarily a romantic sentiment. “I love you,” can mean all types of things.

I want to tell you “I love you,” because it feels important to tell people that they are loved, and someone telling you directly that you are loved by them seems like it could give a lot of comfort.

Though if you panic instead, that doesn’t seem like it would bring comfort.

I suppose my urge to tell you “I love you” is an urge to wrap you in the burning thought of a strongest hug.

I want to convey that I think you are worthy of care, that I want you to feel loved, that you are beautiful, that I am so glad I have you in my life, that you push me and comfort me in ways I’ve never gotten to explore, that I would be there for you if you let me.

I want to give you a kiss on the forehead and see you smile, pleased and content.
Amelia of Ames Nov 2022
I want to go back and take you and shake you and tell you
      “NO they are not right for us”
I want to make it so neither of us gets hurt,
   but instead we grow old and heal together,
with fewer scars and more time.
Amelia of Ames Aug 2022
Do I act like a chameleon
With the color that you'll like on?
Can I let myself relax?
And just be me with all the lights on?

Do we talk about our parents?
Do I tell you who I'm dating?
Do you let me in your house?
Do you ask me how I'm doing?

Do you invite me out in public,
Or do you keep me in your bed?
Do we call? Just text? How often?
Will you let me hold your hand?

Do you tell me that you love me?
Can I trust you with each layer?
Do I feel confident directing you
To do what I desire?

I would give
All of me
Willingly
Excited for connection

You have my love so
How 'bout you
Let me in
Your heart just, be open
Amelia of Ames Jul 2022
Instead of saying 'Sorry'
All you give are more excuses
Me asking that I'm safe
Makes you feel uncomfortable
You've never broken my limits?
Oh I could list a few times
You need some time from me
Obviously not a punishment

I know what you are
I've known for a while
But I was hoping I could avoid this
If I just played along

Until... I couldn't
You'd crossed a line
And thought I would let it slide
Like every other time

But your grasp on me
Faded
My abuser
My love
Amelia of Ames Jul 2022
After all the pain he's caused me
The thought still invades,
A beautiful nightmare

Does he love me?
Does he love me?
Does he love me?

A meaningless question
That'll only cause me pain
Neither of us will allow change

My therapist said that
I would still be awesome
Even if I change my dreams in for him

It's my choice, as well as his.

My boyfriend said that
He is trying to manipulate me
Because he wants to keep me around

It's my choice, as well as his.

My friend said that maybe
He keeps me as a FWB rather than one of his casual relationships
Because he'd want all of a relationship or none with me

It's my choice, as well as his.

It's my choice, as well as his.
It's my choice, as well as his.
It's my choice, as well as his.

And he is a passive aggressive
Boundary-ignoring
Egotistical child of a man.
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