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Emily S Dec 2020
The voice in my head
Called my phone
I picked up because the number said "Mom"

The voice in my head
Asked me what I was thinking
Un-friending a man who made me uncomfortable

The voice in my head
Wouldn't let up
When I said I didn't want to talk about it

The voice in my head
Got upset
When I hung up on it

She threw away my gift to her, and left me with hers.
She says I don't treat her like I do my father.
My father was the one who fished my gift to her out of the trash.
He tries to save us, quiet us.
Me and the voice in my head.
Emily S Sep 2020
I'm thankful for ...
The squash handed to me by my nice TA
The apple cider offered at the meal plan cafeteria
The window display that shocked me with its Halloween decorations

Because otherwise, how can I find fall?
It seems these objects are how I can tell time without hay rides, fall foliage hikes, pumpkin spiced drinks in cafes visited with friends.
So much has been taken away from us, I'm afraid to lose time itself.
Emily S Jan 2020
Out in the wild world
I felt the wind whirling around me
I enjoyed sunlight dancing on my skin
I craned my body to absorb as many of its footsteps

Back at the house
I hide in a bathrobe
I clean dishes carefully
I pray I do not wake a beast hidden within

Out with my friends
I laugh and sip at good coffee
I play violin and her piano accompanies me
I steal touches and photographs to preserve her love

Back at the house
I am in bed again before noon
I hide behind doors and to-do chores
I hope I appease the beast hidden within

I wish the house was a home filled with the warm happiness outside it, so I open the windows and doors to let it in.
Emily S Nov 2019
Once again
I’m the *****
For not being
Your Barbie doll
Emily S Jul 2019
Last weekend, I climbed Yosemite.
Last night, I went to a bar for the first time.
Today, my boss reminded me to send a presentation draft.
This morning.
.
This morning.
.
This morning, the boy who nearly ***** me months ago.
.
Apologized.
.
He sent me an email, so I wouldn't have to see him.
I've left it marked unread, despite reading it twice.
.
I don't know what or whether to respond to him.
I don't know what I'm supposed to feel.
.
This was months ago, and I haven't thought about him in at least a month.
.
He writes that he didn't apologize earlier partly for fear of making things worse.
Is this "things made worse," this panic and reminder?
?
Dear boy,
I know how you felt then, and I don't know what I feel now.
.
Sorrow.
.
Thank you for the apology.
I don't know if I can forgive you.
.
I hope you are well.
.
Best wishes.
Emily.
Not meant to be polished. An exercise in processing.
Emily S Dec 2018
When my brother
Slams me
BAM
On the cabinet
His arms on my neck
GASP

It is the fault of our cultures
The years we’ve spent chipping at each other
***** *****
He with curses and volume
Me with ivy vined words
rustle

When I come back from the Ivy tower I’ve gardenened
Shoom!
When he come back from his wall of sound
Crash!

My words are more poisonous
His anger is more violent
Together
We tear each other apart.

RIP
Though you may go off to become an adult, by sad alchemy you may grow to be even more skilled at being different. Seeing each other again you transform into children with adult bodies and deadlier weapons.
Emily S Nov 2018
The man invites me to his midnight walk
He’s having a rough night.

We walk through freezing cold
To a destination never right.

The circles our feet pace
Mirror his spinning mind.

And I am kept heart running
As I match his pace in kind.

I’ve walked too many of these walks
To think yours is benign.

For I can say, that none have ever
Left us healthy fine.

Don’t lead me on another chase
After the shadows of men.

I’m putting my foot down firm.
I will not walk again.
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