Our pain is for a purpose,
Though it  may seem to hurt us,
It makes the days seem so long.
Life's course is unforgiven,
Survivors, we're still living,
You got to be strong
(As the hurt goes on).

Sometimes,
I feel
so unforgiven;
My mind
Has freed,
Leaving me killing (self harm, tho).
My sanity, no longer me, but more,
What are my people for?

Scrambled thoughts,
Emotional malfunction.
No more reality,
All I have is perception.
Never wanted to be a source of pain,
Don't want to be the chains.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for help like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

So weird,
So unaccustomed,
I see it clearer now
That good can't really blossom.
The fear,
It really runs on
My state of mind,
I find
That soon I will be done, down.

Been knocking on the doors for years like bang, bang, bang.
The alarms always sound that way, they always rang, rang, rang.

Just like this
Things always have been
Yet
It is so
Foreign to me.

I dreamed a dream
When I was alive
My hope was high
And my life worth living

I dreamed that
Evilness would have died
I dreamed that
People would be more loving

Right now I am young and unafraid
My dreams are made and used and wasted
There was no ransom to be paid
No song unsung, no wine untasted

But the demons come at night
With their love as soft a barb wire
They want to tear your hopes and heart
They want to turn my dreams to shame

I always dreamed my life would be
So different from this world I'm living in
So different from what it seams
I had a dream.

I have been trying for so long
To sing you the right song,
To show you something different everyday.
So you hear what I have to say!
(Like puzzle pieces)
And now we're here at a standstill,
I wonder if you feel
The kind of pain that rips your insides out,
That's something I know all about,
Shocking, ain't it?

Is it because I can't be her?
Keep making mistakes,
Making me hurt,
Fix me won't you?

Is it because I can't be HEARD?
You make me awake,
And make me hurt,
Fix me won't you?

(I can't fix you)

I can feel my heart breaking,
Mistakes we've been making
I'm running out of patience to pretend,
This ain't how I'm suppose to end,
My feeling fading.

You are not mourning your loss here,
And that's grinding my gears
So inhumane lose my self control?
Wish that you'd try to make me whole.
I'm done explaining.

This is what happens when you leave it to somebody else,
If you want it done right you should just do it yourself,
I oversaturate my world by being a machine.
On the outside I may seem happy
But I'm dead inside, naturally.

We have a lot more in common
Than you would be calm with
It's like we're the same person, me and you
We both don't know what we can do.

It's obvious
So obviously
That I ain't right
You see the real me

It's obvious
But
Not that known
Unending mission to reach home
Unending mission, alone...

Drip drap drop my blood on these white tiles
I feel the pain but it would be for a short while
Another person who cut of their life line
Nobody can say that I would live for a lifetime

Hahaha! I wonder if I'll finally die. Every single time I ever tried I failed and did it miserably. Is it wrong to have suicidal tendencies? NOPE!!! My family says that there is nothing wrong with me. To believe or not to believe who cares? Well certainly not me. It is said that thinking that you have a mental disorder when you don't is a mental disorder. How can it be? Humans are very peculiar; they are not understandable.

Red river coming out of my body
I guess I'm just another person to bury
If there was anyone who really cared about me
They would suffer bad when me they'd see

Already seeing the white light.
I never thought that it would be so bright.
I never thought that's so much it would shine.
Numbness now coming from my wound site.

Hope it was my destined time to die.
Can't really breathe, on my knees, clutching to my side.
The red streams are so dark; they make me start to cry.
Is there another way other than suicide?

***** blood on the toilet seat
Wish somebody would come here and rescue me
That somebody would most likely not be real
My fingers and toes I cannot feel.

Gurgle, gurgle
My life I just burgled
Wish people wouldn't say that I looked like a gerbil
I wouldn't have to face the fact that I am in trouble

Blarh, blarh!
A black crow at me cawed
I barely see I'm encircled by blurry vultures
My eyes closed, my last breath I draw.

They come to me,
They come to me

When they speak
I listen

I can't breathe
Am I living?

They're all my eyes would see
When they come to me

I hate the voices that speak to me.
They are nothing but liars.
******,liars.
When I was young, I believed them.
They convinced me that I was an angel from heaven.
They ruined my early childhood.
And persons close to me (that are real) are ruining my teenage years. The earthly ones.

They come to me speaking things preposterous,
No wonder when they're around,
I get real anxious
Getting jittery, hormone levels rising
Wish there was real hope on the horizon

Am I crazy or purely insane
For those like me I can feel your pain

Not till I got wiser, I realized that I should be careful

Dear diary, is it in my genes to have schizophrenia,
Stabbing pains and paralytic dreams

I always hear things
But ignore them when I'm busy
So when I'm bored that is when they come to me

I like my father.
The earthly one.
I miss when he could see.
So many times we would have fun together.
But that was another day.
A day of the before.
Looking back won't change anything.
I don't even know why it is done.

Can't comprehend my inability,
To understand is something wrong with me?
I don't get man, not humanity.
Is that because they come to me?

They come to me in pursuit of my mind
Wish someone fully human was on my side
No wonder I tried to commit suicide
But I miserably failed many times

Why can't I die?!?
I know I have a purpose, but does that mean that I an not allowed to die.
Just because I won't die, I can consume anything and everything without getting sick, so far (does my malfunctioning mind blind me?).
Even bleach!
My body has immunized to them all.
That will just make me live longer.
Is life a never-ending torture?