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 Jan 2017 Unnoticed Notes
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Sparks
 Jan 2017 Unnoticed Notes
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I like fireworks
But I love the ones
You make me feel
My new years resolution
is to make you the happiest man
I can.

and this new year
was challenging
and hellish
and chaotic
and ultimately beautiful,
I can only hope this coming year
is even more breathtaking.

and if
I could paint the sky
a thousand ways
I could not capture
the amazement
that are your colors
or the galaxies within your eyes.

I hope they last
at least fifty years to come.
*fifty plus years
Colors, beauty, and hope.
Wonder, love, and light.
Life, songs, and joy.
These are all things
You will find in
My Terribly Beautiful Mind.
The most intricate stories,
Wonderful songs,
The happiest memories.
All these things you will find
In My Terribly Beautiful Mind.

However.
There is a darker side.

Loneliness, death, and pain.
Hatred, insecurities, and sorrow.
Darkness, shame, and harm.
These are all things
You will find in
The Beautifully Terrible Thoughts.
The most descriptive methods of suicide,
Horrible pain,
The saddest of cries.
All these things you will find
In the Beautifully Terrible Thoughts
That are a part of me.
December 21, 2016.
 Dec 2016 Unnoticed Notes
Jayce
When did it get this way

When did wanting to die become my default emotion

When did everything that made me happy fade to shades of grey

How did the people who claim to love me

Allow me to fall into this pit of despair and destruction

Without ever trying to reach in and save me
Why don't you just die?
No. Stop it.
Why don't you **** yourself?
Stop. Now.
You're nothing but a *****.
No, I'm not. Stop it.
They don't love you.
Yes, they do. Shut up.
He doesn't want you.
Yes, he does. He said he did. Stop.
Slit your wrist, *****.
Stop it. Don't say that.
Nobody cares about you.
Yes, they do! Stop saying these things!
Just grab the gun...
No, I won't!
Put a bullet through you stupid brain.
No. I won't. I can't.
You coward. You're nothing but a ****.
I am not... Stop, please...
You deserved to have that man use you.
No, stop it.. Please...
You stupid *****, no one loves you.
Please... I'm begging you...
That's right. Go cry, stupid *****.
I'm sorry...
You should be, ****.
I'm so sorry...
Stop saying that, you'll never be forgiven.
I'm so terribly sorry...
Why do you keep saying-
BANG!
Wh-what happened?
Silence.
Hello? You there?
Silence.
Wait! You can't go!
What about your friends and family?
Your boyfriend?
Your future was so bright,
But... But I darkened it.
Myself and the other demons...
We killed you.
We harmed you.
We brought you pain.
It's all our fault.
And now it's too late
To even say that we're sorry...
We're so sorry...
I'm so sorry...
Goodbye, Liza.
December 22, 2016.
Had an idea to personify my thoughts/demons, and show a conversation of sorts. I'm not going to **** myself, but I do have thoughts such as these.
 Dec 2016 Unnoticed Notes
Razo
Car rides, blowing smoke, ignorance is bliss, so is smoking dope.
Keep watch, tuck below. Take a ****, you said you'd be right back and i'm still holding this **** in since we last spoke.
City lights, plane flights. Breathe some air, keep chill.
Take a chill pill just relax, keep still here's some lax.
This town overdosed, kids missing found dead. Vision blurry, getting red.
Pay attention to the Feds.
Their just fiends, they're not your friends.
This life I know
This life I was drug into
Gotta watch yourself, gotta watch your back.
They do it for the high, they do it for the cash.
Quick to getting your cards stolen for a free stash.
Steady steady, think outside the box.
They will yank you, yes they're called the cops.
Take it easy. Do what they say.
Or you'll be in handcuffs, wishing you were praying.
Prison is where the dogs go. Jail is where the ****** go.
Guns in the Trunk, gloves on my hands.
Leave no evidence, I'm not punk.
Those around you, will impact your reputation,
Those around you may impact your temptation.
Bring my bag, bring a change of clothes.
Put these on, you're tagging along.
The faces and cases of all the **** and it's users.
You might run into one while with your folks.
Or you might be running from your family to find a ****.
Don't poke, edits aren't good.
Easy to catch a case,
hard to come up on a empty parking space
It will remain forever, never let you free
 Dec 2016 Unnoticed Notes
J
Cold tap water, colder shoulders
are you mad or still waking up?
When is the last time you slept through the night?
or better yet, spent the whole night inside?
What are you looking for out in the street anyway?
This road's been a dead end since the first time
you let the liquid sugar hit your veins harder than your lips,
and instead of sips now you indulge every day just to get by,
but I still don't get why you let yourself get that bad.
You forgot about the daughter, mother, friends you had,
didn't you?

We didn't forget about you,
the sugar still turns you white,
even in your casket I can smell the apologies as I bend over for
one last goodbye,
I refuse to watch a family breakfast crumble
at the hands of ****** again,
I refuse to let a substance win,
like it did with you.
 Dec 2016 Unnoticed Notes
kennedy
We were abused
In the same way
And yet you used me
I see fire in your eyes and I see comfort in your smile. I see everything that moves me,
I thought nothing would ever move me again but there you were
With beer on your jacket
I am panting admiration
But your touch is toxic
And you touched me well
You loved me
You never found yourself so you lost me.
But then i lost me
You ruined me
So vulnerable at seventeen
I have lost that weakness
Calloused and cold
Sometimes the darkness won't let go
But I am stronger now
Xanax dreams don't leave
In other bottles I find release
 Dec 2016 Unnoticed Notes
Shawn
Do
 Dec 2016 Unnoticed Notes
Shawn
Do
Drugs,
They fill me with the warmth of my mother,
They fill the void of my father,
And leave me wanting more like lovers,
Pick me up when I'm down like friends,
And like my mother, father, lovers, and friends it's only around while I have money,
This may be a series too. Not to serious though.
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