I wish I could tell you that I will watch you die.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not trying to be morbid here, but I heard that in a song once.
Love is watching someone die.
And I want to tell you that no matter what is happening in your life, I want to be there at your side. That wherever you go, you’ll find me, like your shadow.
You can stand on the top of the world’s tallest mountain, or be laying in a hospital bed,
and even though I’m scared of heights and needles,
I’ll be there,
next to you,
drinking you in.
Like your fingers, you can count on me. Like a calculator, like a child counts his steps in the hallway, you can count on me.
I’ll be solid when you are soft.
When you can’t hold yourself together, I’ll be your staples.
When you feel like you are losing parts of yourself, I’ll find them. I’ll hand them back to you.
When you’re breaking, I’ll hold you, and I’ll tell you that even the most beautiful statues have their cracks, and they are all the more beautiful because of them.
I'll tell you that the Japanese repair broken pottery with liquid gold,
and there is yellow coursing through your veins.
I wish I could whisper “You are beautiful” at every single one of your weakest moments.
Maybe someday I will.
Maybe someday you’ll believe me.
When you can’t, I promise I can.
When you won’t, I will.
If you need to leave, I’ll stay.
You will forever be the one thing that I am seeking to complete, even if I don’t quite know who you are yet.
Yours will be the side that I will fit into, like the last piece of a thousand piece puzzle.
I will search for you, until I have found myself.
And when you are laying there, in a room that scares me, in a place full of sounds that I don’t recognize, as you exhale for the last time,
I’ll inhale.
I will finish your last action.
I won’t flinch, or flee.
Because
*love is watching someone die.
I know you now.
Thank you.
