It's been almost 3 months since last we met
Almost 3 months since the sun set
On that day long ago, where we cherished great memories
Of a friendship build steadfast on love and history
A short time, yet a grand experience
How glad I was, to see past life's interferance

I would have regret if I got sick of play games
Cause my holidays wouldn't have been the same
How I can use slang so openly is alarming
When I try and act serious, your bring me down to earth, you're charming
A week ends, but a bond doesn't
I almost regret being so hesitant


An owl brings us close, carrying us away with its talons
To you, a girl with many Talents
And to I, who hopes to be valiant
Do you see a mentor in me or a buddy?

Regardless, I cherish our time
and hope that your pure heart never loses it's shine
That you come to see the world as amazing as you made it feel
and that you stay true to heart, and always keep it real

Thought I never openly brag on it
I never found it something to dwell on
You made a gift so emotional that it could never be bought
So inspirational it must be felt and not taught
Then life happened, and so did you
Changing to somebody I could barely view
You spent your days at parties and bashes, long forgetting your truest friends
You left our messages on red and blue, and even when I waited for you
You never rung back

You greatly post about your life, as if you beg for the attention
And looking back and taking some introspection
I realize we were the sun and the moon
Always to be apart, always to have a pull and push
Always to end things early, always to say goodbye too soon
Never ready and never to see the use

I'd ping you motivation and say your eyes spark into the souls of millions
You'd see this message and reply later as if my response is vermillion
You'd say I ignore you for having nothing to work with
And yet I adored you even when you thought I wouldn't persist
Months on end a single ping from you is all I wanted
and seconds on end my response time made you astonished

Many call you out to your way of delaying friendships, to keep them on hold and return when you are in pieces
To have us piece you back together because you learnt this world is vicious
You even told me you find my concern for you so alarming, how anybody so genuine could love "****" like you
And even now I second guess before I throw blame and hit skew

You called guys manipulative and even called my lack of time a game
Yet always cried and pleaded when we called you out for the same
So determined to keep a guy on the line while lusting for another
You find it naïve of me to not act like your brother
It's saddening to think we may never find comfort in speaking again
And where I wished you at every occasion, you never wished me a happy birthday
You never told me happy Birthday

My mom is mischievously, mysterious,
    with her momentum.
But perfectly perpetuating her
    purpose on earth.
Never wavering wondering, or
    wishing for it all.
Only knowing.

She is in her palace.
Filling her chalice.
Toughening the callus,
That's needed..

Necessary negativity to neutralize,
        The highs and balance the lows.
Candidly correcting the corrupt
         With a simple smile.
Lifting the leveled and the loveless,
          With ease.

There is no tail,
That could make a wail.
Only mine of I fail,
But, I won't walk that trail.

I'll take the teachings and trials,
      She will give.
Learning love and limits
      With a laugh.
I just want to say,
       Thank you
For my life and the love you've given.
       You're perfect, just for me.

No longer with the monster I once called my lover
But him being a monster doesn't seem right either
But I can't help it
He put me through hell and back
I can't forget that sometimes there were moments of pure bliss
they just didn't last
Now
what is anyone supposed to do with that information?
All it tells you is that I'm broken
it feels like the trauma bond will never go away
I don't want to be tied to your soul anymore
so how do I let you go?
why am I still in love?

Oh, you swamp me with charm - get out of my head.
There’s something about you - a warmth - like the comfort of home - that pulls at me.

I study your landscape of attractive surfaces like a star chart - logging my weaknesses - to strengthen my emotional firewall. I WANT you but my “wants” just seem untrustworthy after recent deprivations.

To be honest - I can’t afford you - not now. You’re a delicious pastry - with strings - and I need to cut all my strings.

You’re something younger me would have wanted - before the pandemic, when scandalous thinking was uncomplicated and freedoms taken for granted.

Last year simplified my reality.

Over time, boredom melted me like wax but a new me crossed some threshold of certainty - that to flourish - no, just to survive - I must become more than I am, or find I’m less than I hoped.

In 2019 goals seemed way, way someday things - far off reference points to seek out - like an inchworm. Social details occupied me like an unfocused dementia - there was an unacceptable level of childish thinking.

But now I’m an escapee on the run who won’t be taken back alive. Old attachments must be stripped down and the old world made disposable - if I’m to achieve escape velocity.

We joined ourselves
Mind, body, and soul
Is that not forever
You must've known some magic
I didn't
And had the heart to cast it
Because I didn't

.............I found
    some           words
that                              I
can                         use
       to                 bind
            you with

I was the calm, you were the storm
I'd say too much and you'd perform

I can't sing, you won't sleep
The bond won't fade and tries to creep

I still love, you still hate
I thought I saw hope and took the bait

I have grieved, you won't see
Just how much you mean to me

I hear your name, you won't say mine
You broke my heart so I took your shine

You'd never say it, I wouldn't know what for
No one saw me crying on the bedroom floor