Im not sure why

The king chose to hurt me

Not with his sword

His words, blinded me until I could not see.

A lot of my drawings have blindfold’s
I think the king put them there


Once I ran away,
I took the blindfold off

At first, the lights were too bright
Burning my eyes until I couldn’t think

But a part of me liked regaining
my sight

I often still feel the kings presence
Even when I’m alone.
Sometimes in my closet
Or behind me in the mirror
His evil stare
Judges me
Even there

Now I must face him again
But with a new perspective
I can see, and he could too
He just refuses
To be new

I don’t think he ever was a king
Only an old man with a crown

Now I’ve become a knight
I’ve been training for this
With every piece of me I gain
I fight.

I don’t think I’m afraid anymore
How can you fear someone lost in their own head?

I found my light.

And he chose a blindfold.

Dear Lady Moon,

I can feel your pearly white gaze,
It fills me with inner warmth

Your imperfections; your craters
They make you unlike any other

I find myself looking up at you quite often these days
I think she’s been watching over me with her midnight rays

She comes to visit me at night
With her moonbeams bright

Her light of comfort puts me in a starlight daze

I see her and she sees me
Her light shines gleefully

My protector; the watcher
I’m thankful for
my night time stalker

I saw a little car today
zooming past my window

It was so small
yet it moved so quickly; unafraid

a bigger car approached it
swerving just before the crash

but there it stood resilient
waiting for its turn to go

and all I could think was:
how do I be more like that?

Little lump of coal

In my stocking

I must’ve forgotten
how to be human

Santa saw me crying on the floor
Screaming and rocking
Back and forth

I forgot how to feel Christmas cheer
My reflection looks so tired
surrounded by my own fears

My mind is crippled
Shaken so hard
I malfunction
Too often

I suppose I’ve strayed too far
Away from god? Too far for Santa’s reindeer?

Nose bleeds and therapy
At least we have a Christmas tree?

I don’t mind coal
I can use it for my sketches

Maybe I’ll light a fire
Watch the flame flicker
Until it settles
And my eyes tire

This little light of mine
I guess I’ll let it shine
With my little lump of coal

My heart finds it’s own way
To feel full

Hello again
It’s me
Soph-ie

Tomorrow I’m going to therapy
I’m really nervous

But I’m gonna do really well
I’ll be comfortable
And maybe make new friends?

Help me through this if you can

But either way I will do it
And I will stay strong

I’ve been working on myself
And they will see

As I approach this new year

I will put myself first

Self-care
Consistency
And keeping those I love
Close to me

I will find success in everything I do
I will grow my wealth and my knowledge

I will follow my intuition
And continue to use my abilities to help others
Growing my spiritual gifts
So I may see

I will use my passions to create beautiful things
I will make a difference in this world
I will be an advocate for those who cannot speak up

Above all I will remember to take time to myself
I will listen first, then share
I will show them I care.

I am protected and so are my loved ones
No harm be done
And blessed be

Did you notice I was gone?

Falling asleep
in your sweatshirt

It smells like me now

I wish it was you instead of some fabric

I miss someone I barely know
Watching the clock tick

Until I see you again

But it’s like I’ve met them before
The boy next door?

I can’t wait to be around him again
Holding me close while I fall asleep
Breathing together
In - sync

I can’t wait for more smiles
Lemon boy said he’s making lemonade
I want some
I hope we can trade

Even the rainy days
I’ll be there too
We can splash around in the puddles
Or stay inside
Warm and dry
Do some puzzles?

Only a few days more
Until your mine once again
We’ll pick up where we left off

See you then

**

A little beauty goes a long way
Especially in the beginning of a new day

I stretch and climb right out of bed
Only to find a mess upon my head

I turn to find your greeting
Your eyes meet mine and a thought occurs
If only fleeting..

The birds begin to sing
As the sun peeks through our window

“Let’s go back to bed” I say.
You stay underneath the covers and respond, “Okay.”

A little mouse crawling out of its hole
Starving for air
Thirsting for freedom

Green trees and shimmering dew drops

Sun-rays dancing

The forest floor feels cold to the touch
Soft after rainfall

The first steps of independence
Taken methodically
Smelling new life and rich soil
One step at a time

Until the beast appears

I’m tired of hiding

But I won’t come out for the unworthy

I wish I could run away

Too bad I don’t have a place to stay

Maybe I’ll spend the night in my car?
Is that too far?

My love is a privilege

please remember that

I’ll write you poems

when you run out of words

when you can’t breathe

I’ll offer my lungs

to you I give myself

I ask for only one thing

If you could just love me back

I don’t need a ring.

My past is like a storm cloud following me

Lightning strikes my loved ones
So all they see are my mistakes

Thunder rumbles loudly
So all I hear are my failures

Rain pours down on me
So I can not see clearly

The cloud trails my steps so I can never escape
So I relive my regrets

Harsh winds blow in my direction
So I can not move forward

And my storm cloud stays dark and grey
Above my head, my happiness at bay.

Nights in Princeton

The trees watch us wander
The wind follows
The darkness creeps slowly

Surrounded by new friends
I don’t know where to look,
the trees,  
or their eyes

Hi again,

I’m sorry I avoided you for so long

I’m sorry I hid from the past

Sometimes looking forward is easier than facing the present

For so long I’ve tried to forget parts of you

The parts that I’m afraid of





But to be my whole self

Means looking at all my pieces

Even the ones I tried to loose


I’m sorry I hated you

I’m sorry I stopped caring

I’m sorry I stopped thinking I was beautiful


I hope you can forgive me

For all my imperfect actions

For my ignorance

And for my fear



I hope you can love me again
Like you used to


Do you remember?

Tiempo told me I was like alcohol
Good in measured amounts
but really a poison

I suppose in some way Tiempo was right
Even if their motivations were more from a place of resentment

I’m a lot
And most people can’t handle me

I try and give them measured amounts
But I can only hold myself back for so long
Before you know it I’m just me
Walls down

I guess most people don’t like that
The genuine words spoken
Are taken like a dagger
To their hearts
When they were meant to
Heal
Their open wounds

I suppose I’ll never get it right
I can’t fix the already broken
Even when I know what they need

I may be alcohol but I don’t have to be poison
That’s up to the drinker

I can be soft and sweet and help slow down a chaotic day
I can make you laugh and smile
Even cry when you need.

And when your done I’ll be there to get you through the next day

Some people abuse me
Through the way they use me

But I don’t think I was made to be drank
Poison is meant to be kept in a bottle
It’s pretty
But you don’t touch it

Do you blame the poison?
Or the hands that opened it?

I hope Tiempo reads this and writes me a response.
I’m awfully invested in their thoughts

I hope they stop seeing me as something to drink
Instead as something to admire
After all alcohol can be a nice beverage
I love a good wine
in measured amounts
I know how to handle myself

Do you?

An unusual kiss

from an old friend

I didn’t think
this is how it would end

My reaper stole me away
before you could hold me

resting in my coffin
Permanently lost

One hand still open,
searching for what couldn’t be

Cursed to sleep
in my misery

I fall
just like a child,
in and out of melancholy

I climb a mountain every day
but I feel as if I I’m sitting at the bottom dragging my feet

I search for contentment,
for inner joy
in temporary doses of serotonin

My therapist is teaching me to love myself
I didn’t realize how bad it was
I asked her why I hate myself so much

I can see myself as a child
small and afraid
in need of someone’s hand

Now I reach out to them
I hold her close
and tell him the words I wish I had been told

There still within me
deep in my soul
behind all these years and avoidance
They still need me

I don’t have to prove myself anymore
I just have to be kind
and say the words I wish I had been told

I’ll pick up my feet
and take a few steps

So I may find myself
and forgive my faults

So I may reach a peace within my soul

So I may love my whole self and move forward

Lemon boy smiles
I don’t dream anymore
But if I did I know you’d be there
You broke through my walls
I hope you know
I’m yours
Are you mine?

Soulmate heartbreak
I wish we never met

Wait I take that back
I wish we never looked each other in the eye
So I could forget

You caught my interest
But I didn’t catch yours
I guess that’s how life goes
And when it rains it pours

You said you loved me
But you didn’t mean it
Lost and confused

I thought we were the perfect fit

You were my everything
But I was nothing

I saw you
And you saw
Too much loving

I hide in between spaces of seeing you

wrapped in your arms I forget my sorrows.

When I’m alone my thoughts darken,

I feel cold, loneliness follows.


Stay by my side all night long,

so my nightmares are only dreams.

Waking up next to you, feeling your arms

My mind is assured nothing is wrong.

Everything is so big
But I am so small
All
                                         The
          Stars
                      In
   The
                         Sky
They shine down on me
I can’t help but wonder when I might shine back at them.

Monster boy is sleepy now
Today was full of self-work

He’s proud of himself
But he knows he can’t live forever
They still need sleep
Even with lemon boys sweater

Drifting off
Wishing for good dreams
And peaceful memories……

Can’t control what I say
Hope that’s ok

I try my best to distract
From what is and what’s
Grey

Wolves coming from all over
During the night

Will you stay or will you fight?

I like your presence it makes me feel warm

I guess I kinda like
Being wrapped in your arms

It’s weird for me
Because I expected someone else

But no matter what
My heart will always
Melt

Eventually.

Independent
A bit headstrong,
Her kindness,
Transcendent

Her accent shapes her character.

She doubts her abilities
When she is among the strongest
The hurt of her people
Is all she sees

She’s learning to look in the mirror
Not to see the imperfections
But all the possibilities

She rarely forgets
Although she hides behind a silhouette

A fierce protector
Without discrimination

They can’t all defend themselves
So she steps in

She will give her life for her country
And for it
They love her.
I hope she sees the change she creates
A magnificent ruler.

Each step in her red spiked boots
Paving a new path
For those forgotten or lost
Walking with her,
Their roots

She takes their hand
And leads them on

No persecution

Only solutions.

A tireless advocate for those without.

No need to ask
She understands her task

…………………………….

Could you use some help?
No need to ask

Just open your eyes
And seek her out

She’ll find you
Eventually
She sees through it
The lies.

I hope one day this queen
Will find a proper king
For now she rules independently

Fighting
Endlessly.

Soft skin
And fluffy hair
His personality
Rare

A boy I barely knew
Lost in his own world
Found himself in his writing

Picked up his pen
And the words flew

Black and white comes too easily
Forgets to see past his shadow
I try and remind Tiempo
When Fate has time

A friend made
Not so breezily

Curls and deep thoughts
Late night poems sent
Back and forth
I’m thankful for my poet friend

God-send?

Let’s begin.

‘I kissed you and your lotion kissed me back’

Little thoughts
And smiles

Big realizations
Let’s just talk

Bring more wine
And a silly mood

And I’ll go wherever
You want me to.

Hello Tiempo,

It’s been a while
I missed your smile

I think we’re both doing better
Just separate
But I don’t see that as an issue

Your mind is beautiful
I can hear the gears turning
Everyday you’re learning

We both over share
Without a care
Oh well
I don’t mind
if you don’t.

Fate is learning too
They finally found a family to call their own
Despite the lack of blood relation
Kind of a strange situation

She hopes she didn’t hurt you too much
He knows you’re strong
But still wishes they hadn’t made a mistake

But life happens
Fate and time had to meet
To work together

I’m so thankful
To have you near
Even if sometimes
You’re like a worm in my ear

We are pretty good at helping
But we don’t like to listen

Stubborn and hurting
That’s ok
I don’t mind starting to grow
And it shows

Can’t wait to see the man you become
No more Mr. Lonely
Just Tiempo
The only

The
Boy
Who
Found
A way
To
Understand.

At twenty one years old I still feel like a child
I wonder when I will have it all figured out

At twenty one years old my hair is growing out in an awkward style and my body has become something foreign to me

At twenty one years old I look in the mirror and wonder where the self I knew went and if they are still there

At twenty one years old I wear glasses and brush my hands through my hair

At twenty one years old I started noticing the stretch marks that decorate my thighs

At twenty one years old my favorite place is my bed and my favorite company is him and my cats

At twenty one years old I’m finally beginning to know myself in a way I never have

At twenty one years old I can move forward away from my past, creating my own future

At twenty one years old all I want is to live in a cottage with my cats, to create art and get fat

At twenty one years old I am learning to take care of this body I have. I’m learning to self comfort and take time to my self

At twenty one years old I started loving my personality more than my appearance

At twenty one years old I feel more free than I ever have

At twenty one years old I am poor and impulsive but my mind is healing and my heart is full

At twenty one years old I am hopeful for the future I can enjoy but I’m trying to live in the present

At twenty one years old I take one day at a time. On my bike ride home I feel the wind and smell the air, I appreciate the trees that I pass by

At twenty one years old I am so much

The soft willow tree
swayed in the wind
and breathed with the sea

It’s branches became twisted
more rigid and splintered
It’s breath more ragged

It’s roots stopped growing
The trunk turned dark
leaves fell one by one until nothing was left

Dried out standing alone
It began to rot

No one likes a rotted tree

No one likes a lost soul

A smaller tree sprouted in a new place
Near the ocean

It didn’t sway as softly
Or breathe with the sea
But
it
never
let
itself
rot

I wanted to die for a long time

To give in to eternal sleep
To end the constant anxiety
No more responsibilities
Only rest.

I even tried once.

Now I find myself wanting to live

For so long I lived for others
So they wouldn’t have to lose me

Now I want to live for myself

I know I won’t always have good days
And I will still struggle with anxiety

But if I can live for myself
Than it’s worth it
If I can stop fading
And start shining like I used to
I just might be okay.

The air flows through my AC unit noisily
I stare at the ceiling thinking about my life,

What I could be

Laying in bed so often makes me feel worthless
As if getting enough sleep is lazy,

I just need rest

My mind is my enemy, every-time I find peace
It forces me to relive my regrets,

I wish I knew how to make the voices cease

I was taught to be overly critical of myself
And I’m having a hard time unlearning,

Reliving memories I had put on a shelf

I’m trying my best but it’s so tiring
How can I escape the constant spiraling?

Learning to love myself as I am
Is harder than I thought,

When will I begin to understand?

I am not perfect

I wish I was.

I wish I could be what you deserved.

Imperfect selfs

Yet no sign of despair

Love is unconditional
Despite the mistakes

All the little things
Fall away

Only you.

I read your poems

Is this what you were trying to say?

Why must you betray my heart when I’ve given all I had to you?