Artists askin’ if they’re alone
These voices don’t want you to know
So obviously they’re not if there’s so many
But still I won’t let it be blown
Because I’m askin’ if I’m the only one lonely
But me and my homies, you know me
You and me, we’re both lonely
It’s like we were made to be homies!

you are my Midas,
and I miss your rich touch.
the brush of our hearts golden,
painted while we collide
in a whirl of emotion
as our skins coincide.
and I miss it so much.

i never really liked the color yellow
so protuberant
kinda theatrical
too blithe
but it just so happens to be your favorite
and that's exactly what i need

I don't really know what's behind my skull
They talk too fast, and that's all I know
Whatever it says, I'll take it slow
I'll take my time to write, like I haven't been
Sitting here, I must let the silence seep in
Until I find the problem

There is a wall.
There is a light around this wall.
This wall will cast a shadow
on both of its sides,
because there is a light all around it.
It just does not see it.
And I will stand near this wall,
just beyong where its shadows lie.
I will speak to this wall.
I will bring up topics of rootless things,
but it's all to plant the seeds.
I will take another steps toward the wall.
I will tell it stories,
and I will make it laugh.
Then another step.
I will share with it my deepest fears,
and my greatest hope.
I will sit beside this wall,
and its shadow will not be as dim.

Suicide no longer scared us
I’m afraid it’s not really awareness
Now it’s just coated with fairness
I blame it on the culture
We are the poachers
Swarming it like vultures

I step away from this world given to the blink
So I have no noise to hide my mind behind
To allow myself some room to think
Although I will ponder of something terrifying
But I keep myself in this room of silence
Because the sound only allows thoughts at night
Though my thoughts can have a side of violence
The quiet I feared may be able to shed some light

Dear parents,
Am I
               myself today?
I must          know
Because some days
     I can feel I am,

      But             today

                              I
                          ­        need

            You
                           to         hold
                  me
                           close,

       Because


                      I'm
        feel
                ­                     ing

                              slightly

             Unsteady

deep calls to deep
with the roar of your waterfalls
see as i weep
i don’t trust you in the falls
all your waves and breakers
have swept over me
i’m with all the fakers
let me drown at sea

I'm taking a break from these things where I stored my emotion
It causes too much commotion
I'm putting my mind on cruise control
I'm letting my Lord above take it all

There's a problem with our society
Worse than insecurities, depression, and anxiety
It's how we deal with these problems
Rather, it's how we cause them
If we disagree, we're just wrong
We're put down and told we don't belong
We've not been given a reason for what not to say
We've learned to just hold our thoughts at bay
There are kids who want to talk but fear the label
So they remain quiet and in line, feeling disabled
We wonder why they'd come to school with a gun
Yet we allow where these thoughts begun
There are things missing from our history books
Hidden by the sole judgement of how we look
Drown out the world with sound when alone
It's not their problem, but I don't have a home
A teacher never fails, it's you who takes the blow
But the greatest lessons we'll never know
They teach us the professional way
But we can **** ourselves with razorblades
We rather not talk about suicide
So we push the truth down even further to hide
We become a far more dangerous group of kids
Although it's our culture that forbids
Yet we glorify those of honor and praise
Celebrating them as they gave to the grave
Please don't be afraid of our opinion
But we think our culture treats losses like a win
Listen to me--these words are very convenient
Our opinion will not be lenient
Why is it we know them for their death
But otherwise, we don't care for their breath
We don't quite get what we're communicating
Death is a logical way is what we're saying
They begin to believe they're better off dead
But we must help them get through their head
Our voices are clear--we're demanding action
These people aren't worth it--they get a fraction
I mean no disrespect to who is left behind
But we must know this should not be glorified
We must understand what we're engraving
And the affects on how we're behaving
Do not give to the succession in a grave
But fight with us in the path that we pave
They need to know, together they will get far
This ambiguity is not who we are

I see a canvas behind your eyes
I see the artist in disguise
I see the portrait made so no one else will see
I see dimly lit sands and beyond a vast sea
I see your palette--black and grey
I see, as we all do, the bright paints you display
I see in your eyes your dripping color
I see that you don't trust a single other
I see, because the eyes interpret the heart
I see, and realize you are just like me
I see, and I long to remedy

Believe me, I care for you.
I do not know your full story,
and I can't look into your thoughts.
I have no waked in your shoes,
and I may have not gone through what you have.
I may never even understand,
but I know it's hard, and I know it feels hopeless.
I get what it feels like wanting to sleep forever,
as if it would make things better.
I know how it feels to be scared of what's inside,
and you fear for if people knew.
I feel for you when you think you can't change,
when you feel like this monster is a part of you.
You hate what you've become,
But at the same time it's the only escape.
It's an addiction--all of it--
and it's hard to get over.
Suicide may feel like the only solution,
but there's something that keeps you alive.
I love you, and I care for you.
I don't know you, but I truly do.
And because I do, I can't help but share this.
I'm broken.
I've given my life to God,
but I'm not close to being perfect,
and if you read through my poems,
you'll see I have some of the dark thoughts you do.
But I also have peace amidst this storm,
and I have a hope in my Lord.
God has gotten me so far,
and as He continues to work through my life,
I have peace and hope in His plan,
knowing He will continue to deliver me.
I want you to experience this as well,
because I care for you.
I'm here to talk.

These gravestones call my name
The things they claim
A crow sits atop a tree
Carrying a noose for me
At my soul, they're tapping
In the dark, they're stabbing
I won't let them take my soul
I will write the truth you must know
I must say it again
I won't let them take my soul
Please tell them not to take my soul
You may take my soul
I'm sorry.

READ THIS PLEASE, I HOPE IT HELPS

Intro
(My God, my God, why have You forsaken me?
Why are You so far from saving me, so far from my cries of anguish?)

Verse 1
You midnight poets
Do you know it?
Do you show it?
Do you plan to blow it?
Saying “Is hope so far from this moment?”
You poet at heart
The night your art
It’s the poet that wrote it
But it was you and you know it
You’re still awake
So don’t debate
The reason you stay

Pre-Chorus
I saw my Kind but I was blind to their eyes
Before I realized I lied to my pride on what’s inside
But now when I cry I realize the reason Christ died

Chorus
I felt chills for the thrill
The bill of what they ****
So I plead to dread what they said
The thread of those long dead
And I felt it in my head
But with the need I am indeed
Unable to read with tendency to bleed
I see, but incapable of feeding
I saw the rot and decay
The King came to stay
So I will say, so I will say
Shoot your gun my way

Verse 2
I am not as fine as I make it out to be
I am not as cool as I doubt to seem
Oh God, am I only enough for surviving?
My God, I barely feel alive
I want to be thriving, living a life more than just getting by
I cannot see my soul but I know it’s cold
Mold me I told You but where have You gone?
How can my heart, stray so far
The very thing keeping me alive
I’m feeling cold inside, oh Adonai
I haven’t held it in sacrifice, oh Adonai

Pre-Chorus
I saw my Kind but I was blind to their eyes
Before I realized I lied to my pride on what’s inside
But now when I cry I realize the reason Christ died

Chorus (x2)
I felt chills for the thrill
The bill of what they ****
So I plead to dread what they said
The thread of those long dead
And I felt it in my head
But with the need I am indeed
Unable to read with tendency to bleed
I see, but incapable of feeding
I saw the rot and decay
The King came to stay
So I will say, so I will say
Shoot your gun my way

Verse 3
Listen it’s important and informant
To the dormant storm that we conform to
It’s a door that no one likes on foreheads
Confined to our earbuds, all that does
Is wrap up, our cut ups, and rope ups
Until the music can’t muse us
And the next day we’re gone, so far from
What I should have done
I’m staying awake tonight
‘Cause if I lie, who might fight
And my peeps might have nothing to site
So I write for us to stay alive
I do anyway, out of fright
For those who might die

In the hopeless, I notice
Take a moment, to hold it
In the focus, I notice
Take it, embrace it
The taste in, the grace of
The Father, His water
The breathing, is lingering
There within, I’m feeling, seep-ing, in

We don’t need to adjust to society
Society needs to adjust to us, for our justice
It’s injustice to make a fuss of us
So do the slits in our wrists conflict
With the holes in the hands of Jesus
Or can He use our tools that fool us
In His hands if we believe He freed us

Bridge
I worry this part of the song
So don’t sing along
If you don’t belong
Stop and end it
So I don’t bend it
But if you’re suppose to stay
Know it’s okay

Verse 4
Suicide’s always been an option
Oh no—I did it again
Well, I’m trying to be real
So can you be sincere?
Nothing you need to worry for
Just enough to know the door
But I sometimes consider doing terrible things
So if You don’t mind God
Show me You’re winning

‘Cause spring is the most depressing season
It’s seeming the worst time of the year
Because we think by then we’re in the clear
But God does not wait in the spring
His nature of love forever reigns

Break 1
Has hope ever wanted to make you **** yourself, though?
How do I keep going, even if I know it?
I see it there before me, but I still want to end it
I know it’s the endgame, but it just offends it
Like I won’t make it, like I’ll never shake it
Even though hope stands up for me to defend

Break 2
Why do I want to fall asleep forever?
Why do I want to slip my earbuds on?
Why do I find myself fighting back tears?

Verse 5
Nah it’s selfish so I won’t relish
The embellishment society’s selling
I sometimes consider ceasing
Finding some relief in this sleep
Maybe it’d be better for God, my peeps, and me
But as I write so you take away the knife
I look in and find my memories
So give it a second for life to resurface
Take a moment to switch the killing sprees
It’s there in your lungs, there’s a way to learn it
So for the sake of my peeps and me, you must believe
We’re doing anything we can just to feel free
What they’re doing, they’re cutting themselves
What we’re doing, we imprison ourselves
Either way we’re killing ourselves
So help us step out of this cell
Because I don’t know if they’ll live by the end of this track
Take a look and realize your mind isn’t on track
Walk with them, it’s what they lack
It’s okay to recognize the black
Or if you’re deep under the attack
I’m in the boat so I got your back

Bridge (x3)
I can tell that you wanna **** me
When I’m thinking it’ll be easy-er
Well, yer gonna need something stronger
Because you got the same ol’ routine
You aint got no new schemes
You’re the one that’s bleeding
‘Cause you know you don’t hold my meaning

Outro
(You are enthroned as the Holy One
They trusted and You delivered them
From You comes the theme of my praise
Before those who fear You I will fulfill my vows)

You cried when You had to face betrayal
Did such a sin make You feel the veil?
And if so, since we feel this curtain
Is feeling death so certain?
Must it always be at my side?
Must I always want to die?
I’m in-between, two meanings
And I find each side can be fleeting
You seeing, my meaning, friend?
Is it seeming we must always be between
Always lost if we’re being honest?

Be gone, you bygones
But there’s nothing wrong
With letting them go on
To morph into better songs
A sort of eulogy to their long

I've tried to give up poetry,
As if it's some addiction.
Sometimes I feel like an addict.
Do you ever feel like that, you poets?
Do you get my depiction?
Addicted to the pen,
Confined to your mind--your paddock.
I feel like a ****** who's on it again,
Writing another poem to a friend,
For others to use it as I pretend.
I'm addicted to the waves,
As I'm tossed and blown about--their slave.
They pull me asunder.
Oh Lord, take me under.
Blow my cover.
Let me not be another fanatic on dope.
That doesn't mean I smoke;
I'm talking about words with emotion,
But sometimes I get lost in this ocean.
Compulsive to smoking,
I'm writing this, hoping,
That as my pen is the lighter
And my cigarette is the page,
I can light your soul on fire,
While keeping the addict in his cage.
May your demons choke on the brume
By the words that are the smoke you consume.

There’s a lot more where this all came from
But be warned of what is to come
If you see a light, well I still see a gun
But I guess this thing has already begun
I’m not sure what to let you see
What goes where and which lines to keep

“Time travel is a very dangerous thing,”
they say.
And I agree.
I sit at my desk, and put my earbuds in,
and there I am,
in that room again,
in that state if mind.

Wouldn't it be great
If we could sleep away
The hours that abate
And wake up the next day?
But still I fear
When the day is done.
As night draws near
I pray I can overcome.

I believe many people would say that nighttime is not their best time ~
because when the sun sets, our upsets and regrets progess;
our interests are shown from beneath the surface--
but from the surface, you won't learn this,
because my nonsense makes your contents look non-violent,
so we digress beneath the mess
by putting on a mask to disguise our lies.
But for me, I find it's the day ~
because by the time I reach midday,
my face hides and I put on a play
in hopes the night will fade away,
and then my mind will walk astray
in fear my thoughts will stay this way,
but then my surface will still decay.
And then I find the truth behind--
that you and I are not so different ~
because when the sun rises
it reveals what's common inside us,
but for some reason we hide this
and put on our disguises.
Honestly, it cures my insanity--
it pleases me, to find people like me ~
because, truth me told,
we are not so different, you and I ~
because by the time the day reaches noon,
we all know night will be here soon,
and another day will be haunted by night's nihility,
so to reach our comfortablity,
we hide behind a mask and please the lie--
the lie we find so common inside,
because we think it will keep us alive--
but the truth is ~ it's dead, alright?

I am wise,
because I've been a fool.
I am brave,
because I've been scared.
I am strong,
because I've been weak.

Each of us has our own trench,
a black pit we must bare
before we can breathe in the morning air.
For those of us who fear the silence,
our trench is tended by depression.
But we must take a stand to enter in
to the pit of fear and silence.
I am not asking you to go to the bottom,
but to help me problem solve my problem.
No one can face down my demons for me,
but I'll need you to face me from the ridge,
as I cross over this silent bridge.
Cloak me with hope and encouragement
as I plummet down to dwell in my trench.
And I will sit here in the dark,
receiving the yellow letters you sent,
until I find what has me torn apart.

painted boy,
with trees on his skin,
uses the drums,
to fight anxiety and win.

skeleton kid,
with eyes haunted by ghosts,
reveals lyrics he once hid,
but he still thinks more than most.

mutant kids,
our hope in our fists,
decide to stay alive,
as our dying wish.

You're an angel fallen down
Won't you tie me to the ground?
You're a blessing from above
Won't you stay with me, My Love?
You're falling far from the sky
Won't you tell me just how high?

Tame the tongue, but it’s difficult to tame what is sung
Why’s it so hard to tame the tongue of the things I don’t want?
‘Cause it’s sung by a liger, half the liar, half the pride
I’ve tried to raise him right, but something’s on the other side
Tugging at his leash, and I begin to lose my peace
You probably don’t even know what that is!
Only if you’re a nerd, that’s right
Is it fantasy or is it reality? Either way, it’s half of me
So how can I tame it, if I don’t even know what its name is?
See, Liger is just something to take pride in, to hide in, to get high by
I’m trying to put down the gun, but there’s something he wants
It’s like my mind is speaking in tongues
Of things incapable of being sung
What do you want?
What do you want?!

We're broken people, forged with beautiful minds
But be wary of the things your heart goes to find
Because we tend to linger toward things undefined
Then we begin to doubt and leave our faith behind

Why won't you let go of me?
I thought you told me I'm irrelevant
Ah, I endanger all you wicked schemes, don't I?

Whether we     admit it or not

     we
                             do try
to


                      conceal
       what's             ­ stored in                  our
minds. We

                         wear

          masks                   to
     be on
                                      the safe side
            But


we know
                       to hide             is not

            to be
                               awake

I will stay awake this night
For the dark will not take me captive
I will not be a prisoner to the setting sun
I will be no part in the daylight's declination
For my demons have no plans for me
I will set my soul on fire
And they may come all they want
Again, I will take a stand to split up my mind
And decide what must die and where to fight

I see You simplizing things
I see Your simple eyes gleam
I see You beneath the trees
I see You don’t hold a string

I will set my hands ablaze and let my demons come
The darkness I've gone through turns to help some
Rejoicement and fire will pour fourth from my lungs
For when the waters rise, my faith will be sung

Man gave names to all the animals
So no wonder we give names to our own
To what’s not in sight of our candles
What is hidden deep in our bones

It was man that labeled all the beasts
Was it our duty to name all our demons?
We crafted the dark on which we feast
Could this have any sort of meaning?

We’ve named the monsters under our bed
For some, it’s the flesh beneath our skin
It’s the addicts we keep locked within our head
We’re only engraving our own extinction

I withdraw to these lonely places
I didn’t choose it before, but now I’m grateful
For how God has placed it, and created it
And now I’m home as I retrace it

They say it’s painless
But it’s not nameless
No, we’re not nameless, no

They ***** with your head and I’m sorry
You don’t deserve this
It wasn’t your fault, if it wasn’t your folly
You should know it

But you must know you have a Father in heaven
Someone who loves you and accepts you in
He won’t abuse your emotions
He feels your pain, and will heal your bruises, He’s rowing
You can show Him all your scars
What you may have done, and what was done to you
And He still welcomes me with open arms
And our Savior will guide you through

It’s okay to admit you’re in the storm
Don’t ignore it like before
It will always linger
But with God, death loses its stinger
That is not the love the Father wants for you
What He wants for you, is pure and true

They say it’s painless
But it’s not nameless
No, we’re not nameless, no

S o m e t i m e s  I  c a n  f e e l  m y  b o n e s
b e i n g  c a l l e d  b a c k  t o  t h a t  r o o m
w h e r e  t h e  d e m o n s  r e s i d e .
B u t  I  g i v e  t h e m  n o  c o n t r o l
o v e r  m e .  T h e y  h a v e  n o  h o l d  a n y
l o n g e r .
I  h a v e  l e f t  t h a t  r o o m .  A n d  y o u  
c a n  t o o .
I  h a v e  c o m e  s o  f a r .  I  h a v e  y e t  ******>f a r  t o  g o .  B u t  h e r e ,  w e  a r e  n o t
a l o n e .

Montauk
What a shock
Things unfought
Stories not sought
Maybe another plot?
From what I got?
Will I thought?
A different shot?
Will I be caught?
Who cares, it’s not
Their slot
It’s not locked
So I trot
What if they bought
Or if it’s snot
And if they choose cots
Anyways,
I like the name Montauk

When everyone you think you know
Deserts your side, leaves your fight
I will stay with you, I will go
I'll be there, I'll stay the night
You're caught up in your darkest thoughts
Believe me, it's not just you
And you think your mind is all you got
Trust me, it's not your only way through
Stay with me, we are not alone
Our brains sick and our minds prone
It may not feel like it at times
'Cause there's many of you, but we are few
Yet there's an army of us at your side
We're fighting for our minds, our hope in view

Behind each skull
there is a section of silence
Our mind will linger
to this abstruse realm
A poet's words
are derived from such a void
An addict's thoughts
will loose themselves in this vacuity
A corner constantly in the back of our head,
a room for our subconscious to dwell
But when it's blatantly before me,
I find myself blurryfaced by the obstructed view
The silence can become violent
because when I think is when the voices come out
I let myself ponder for too long
until I can no longer tell what's inside of me
But maybe during this time where I can think,
I can use the silence to my advantage
Perhaps it's possible to take captive these thoughts,
to un-slash my O's and dash my E's
Could it be possible to cut ties with the quiet
if I make it through?

I want to say, "T e l l  m e  a b o u t  t h i s  o n e;
t h e  o n e  t h a t ' s  s o  d e e p,
m a d e  b y  t h e  t o u c h  o f  y o u r  f e a r s
a n d  t h e  t e a r s  t h a t  y o u  w e e p,"  yet
I can't, can I? But I would
if you give me  the
chance.

Would I rather die than give my life to You?
Would I still be in a state of solemn blue?
Surely the angels will catch me
Surely the angels will catch me
But it’s just testing
Surely the angels will catch me
But it’s just testing the Spirit
God testing me so see I’ll surely make it through
Because there’s nothing He puts me through
That He will not deliver me from, so I won’t lose
I know He’s given me a way out, that I don’t doubt

Tower of Silence - Track 2

Intro
(((Hey, I’m heading back up my tower
I am be careful!
I’ll come down when it’s no longer safe)))

Hook
There’s panic in the lines of these rhymes I make
Maybe I shouldn’t tell you but it’s kinda late
You should probably be concerned with our mental state
The truth is all around me but my mind’s not made
My heart is with you somewhere but my head’s not safe

Verse 1
I’m a product of this culture, just another soul convinced it’s over
Taken over, taken fall to the world of overexposure
I’m the poacher, killing this son and killing my brothers
I fear my crave for blood—circling above
No I am not enough, no this is not enough
Whose blood soaks the door? Should I even do this anymore?
I am a vulture, feasting on a past that’s dead
Blood-soaked feet—keep my fangs soaked in pain
Can’t escape the thoughts ramped in my brain
Plummet on the thought that my mind’s insane

I’m just another copy
Copy and paste, brob’ly, He caught me
Is this really who I’m suppose to be?
This is not what you’re suppose to see
Who is this that’s stoppin’ me?
Voices, voices tell me I’m a copy
Bounty, on me—tired of mockery
Counterfeit seems to fit the description
To the point it’s ‘bout to stop me
Is this the plan of the one who bought me?
If so, nothin’ can’t stop me

Hook
There’s panic in the lines of these rhymes I make
Maybe I shouldn’t tell you but it’s kinda late
You should probably be concerned with our mental state
The truth is all around me but my mind’s not made
My heart is with you somewhere but my head’s not safe

Verse 2
My Kind, my Blood—they mean so much to me
I hide, behind—who I’m not suppose to be
No, this is not what you’re suppose to be
Is this suppose to be what’s truly me?
Take it easy with this poet, please
I’m scared to death of what you’ll think
Because it could be the death of me
I’m scared of my own voice
I don’t know if it’s my own choice
This thing—is it just a dream or is it the beginning
If singing is my meaning
A cover over my head, I wear a headset
Noise begins to make me afraid on my mindset
I let words get through—I regret
That I allow the words to linger and set
This has come to be my headrest, I bet
The reset, is just another test
A solution to drown is not the best
Because now the sound gives me no rest
But the nepotistic noise and voices I get
Becomes my choice with the volume I set

Hook
There’s panic in the lines of these rhymes I make
Maybe I shouldn’t tell you but it’s kinda late
You should probably be concerned with our mental state
The truth is all around me but my mind’s not made
My heart is with you somewhere but my head’s not safe
You should probably be concerned with our mental state

Verse 3
There’s a problem with our society
Worse than suicide, depression, and anxiety
It’s how we deal with these problems
Rather, it’s how we cause them
If I didn’t know better, I’d think you look a bit dead yourself
Not a Heaver, not a Breather, just caught up in your head
But wake up and join our battle cry
To help these dry bones come to life
Scared of the pace in change so you stay in place
Open your eyes and crank up our volume
Fall out of formation, help our vocation
And take a chance to take off your costume
Because right now our rates are hallow
It’s culture’s fault, though it forbids
So wake up to the things that you hid
And what you put on display
That death is a logical way
I don’t mean to sound harsh
It’s just, we need your heart
I don’t want to be crude
It’s just, I think it’s a but rude
Just what Sleepers do
Listen, I fall victim to it too
Please excuse me and do what I do
But no it’s not just a mere fad clad in sadness
They need to know, together we will get far
And help us say this gloom is not who we are
Come together in this path that needs paving
And be wary of the message you’re engraving

Outro
My opinion, life’s worth living
Culture say, might as well
Problem is, it won’t sell
Death’s addictive, but the price to live
Is worth the pay, so I will stay
Please stick around, I’ll have you found

The truth is: I can't cut ties with the silence.
It will always be there.
My mind will always be tied
to the side that's easier.
But I've found a way to fight it.