I knew I loved him
When I realized
I didn't expect anything
From him;
Not even his love.

He frustrates me, more than you could ever imagine.
Twisting my mind until I become dizzy and disorientated from the confusion.
The web he weaves of contradictions and uncertainties cuts into my soul, with sharp words. Sharp enough to **** someone, or bring them into insanity.
Constant on and off thoughts of "does he want me?" cloud my brain like a song; but I keep going back for more, as he is addictive.

He frustrates me, more than you could ever imagine; but my God those eyes, hypnotic, bright.  That smirk, as if he knows he has me wrapped around his finger.
And I am, he feels like home, in the most beautiful of ways.
Warm skinned and cold-hearted, without even a word he keeps me. I am held captive by that gaze, my God those eyes!

*He frustrates me.

You can click with people who are different from you. 
You can click with anyone you want, you just have to make the effort.  Sometimes, talking to someone who has nothing in common with you, is much more interesting then talking to someone who has a mirroring life. If you're only friends with people who are just like you, you won't learn anything new.  My friends and I are all pretty different, and I'm grateful for each original thing they've added to my life.

you were a virus,
polluting my mind and veins,
and I'm the fool that trusted you
now I left digging deeper and deeper into my skin
just trying to get every single piece out of my system before it kills me

it was too hard to constantly be around
some who
i loved
but didn't love me
or at least
"not in the same way"

I had a girlfriend who loved me like a wife but I hurt her over and over.

So... I let her go.

You know what really hurts?

Letting her go. Because you know she will keep coming back over and over no matter what. So you use her for all she has and lash out at her when she questions you. She's there for you at your darkest times and all she wants in return is a hug.

What kind of person would do that?
Someone who deep down hates themselves, and wants control of their emotions and of someone else's life, so they can displace the pain onto someone else.

But you only intensified the pain because you never quit, even though you were dying. Why the hell didn't you just leave when I told you to leave. Why would you stay? What is wrong with you?

You know the biggest lie I ever told myself is that "I don't love you" and the biggest lie I've ever told you is that "I never did". But you're free now and I hope to never see you again. I never deserved your love.

And I hope you never change.

My stomach is killing me and I don't know if it's because I haven't eaten in 4 days or if it's because I heard someone say your name. You're stuck in my chest and I try to get you out but the cigarettes make it harder to breathe and the ***** makes it harder to think of anything but you. I know you were never really mine and we were never in love but oh god we could've been. You're the face I look for everywhere I go, wether it's the gas station to get a pack of gum or a party I know you'd never go to. You're the voice I needed to hear when I got the call about my grandfather. You're the touch I lust for when it's 3 in the morning and I've got the weight of the world on my shoulders and I don't know what to do with it. You're the smile that could cure the deepest depression. But you're also a disease. You're the pain in my stomach when I'm trying to hang out with friends and you're all I think about. You're the tear stains on my pillow from the night you told me you loved her and I swear I cried every tear that God gave me. You're the void in my brain, the part that makes it impossible to fall for anyone else, to let go of you. You're the gravity that drags me down, brings me to the middle of the kitchen floor asking God why it had to be me. You're everything. You're everywhere. You're the disease and the cure. And I don't know what the **** to do with or without you.

I didn't know you could do that.
Your perfectly shaped almond eyes
Filled with power and promises
Telling me we are forever

I didn't know you could do that.
Your reassuring, gentle touch 
Tightly, holding me so closely
Your precious possession to be

I didn't know you could do that.
Your unforgettably bright smile
Ever contagiously joyful 
Whispering I am all you need

No, i didn't know you could lie