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Kalon R Oct 2018
It started as an ache,
An ache that always whispered:
"You'll never belong" but then
It became an obsession
of finding that belonging
but always knowing that I won't.

So what am I to do? A lost American
With generational displacement.
Do I keep searching
or try to find it in her (whoever she is)
or just mask it...
Until I die
Creating my own culture of melancholy
"Maybe home is somewhere I'm going and never been before'
Kalon R Jul 2018
Drinking alone,
I feel so happy.
Noone to judge me
and no reason to try to race home.
I'm not bored but I feel at peace
and that's the goal when you're trying to drown your past
So the plan came to fruition just hope there's no hangover.
"The plan was to drink until the pain over, but what's worse: the pain or the hangover"
Kalon R Jun 2018
At this point I'd rather just be completely alone. Because then there's no facade that I'm never not alone.
And that's the thing that hurts me the most.
It's like I'm telling myself a lie always,
to cope with my hidden fear of being alone.
"Yeah you have this and that" but when I'm laying here alone in the dark trying to sleep all my thoughts creep and I know I'm truly alone.
And that's the only thing I need answered:
Why do I constantly feel this way?
Kalon R Apr 2017
Rosary touch
Is my new religion

I plead and beg
You're Lazarus
But I'm still dead

Is my new Religion

I read you
Over and over
I please you
We're over We're over

Rushing is my religion

It's not new to me
It's new to you
Nightmares from a bottle
While I hang on a rood

Rushing is a religion
But it's just not new

Kalon R Apr 2017
trees stand so tall
and the taller they stand
the more coveted they become
one chop won't break them
but one chop a day
and that tall tree will fall
  Feb 2017 Kalon R
Jack Jenkins
I know that I can't be what you want;
  because my heart is absolutely true
  and know I will not give up on you.
  That's why you can't ever love me.

He holds you the same as I would,
  plays and messes with your hair
  just like I would if you were mine.
  Every soft kiss on his lips kills me.

You sit up late and talk with him on the phone;
  just like we used to stay up late and talk
  like that time we spent 24 hours of a weekend
  being in each other's company... just talking...

But you never fell for me the way you fell for him
  or the way you fell for your last boyfriend
  or the one before him, or the one before him.
  Five years. Five boyfriends. None me.

                                                        None love you like me.
    *And that is why you can't ever love me.
                                                 Because you know that I'll stick around
                                      When everything falls apart
                         And try and be your everything
                                                    Be­cause I truly love you
                                             And you fear that love
One of my most personal writes ever. Only cried through all of it.
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