We played "Blackbird"  by the Beatles on the bus ride back to the hospital.

And in that moment, we were more than just "sick.

We were alive-

and maybe a bit broken.

But in that moment

In that moment we were whole again

-Erica Marie Roach

I jump off of the train into the arms of the adrenaline that I crave. He is the poison that makes me feel alive. I keep jumping off of more trains, trying to catch the high. Falling into the arms of adrenaline  once again. He pulls me down and leaves me with bruised limbs. And the angel that saves me again and again  whispers soft words Into my broken mind. Her words flow as she tells me that it isn’t the adrenaline that I want most.  It’s the antidote. And I looked up poison in the dictionary and found your name. You were just another train. All you do, my darling, is cause more pain.

My mind when I see you
In those pants and that shirt.
I want to taste every layer
Of whats hidden beneath
Those clothes that leave
My eyes with a yearn
To see more of what your body
Offers.
I want to see what you look like
Under my covers.
Want to hear the music you make when I discover
What it feels like
To be inside your wonders.

Funny how
You meant so much to me
I would lose my breath
When I only saw you
And now
I swallow air easily
You mean nothing to me
Funny how
I’m still writing poetry for you.
Some part of me
Must still love you.

I was scared to love you
Because I know this ends
One of two ways

Outcome 1:
We try,
And we crash and burn
And everyone around us is stuck
Cleaning up the ashes
As it becomes hard
To simply look you in the eye

Outcome 2:
Which is far less likely
We are a perfect match
And live in a world of bliss
For two years...

And then you leave
Not because you want to
But because that's where you are in life
And I would be left behind

Both hearts would break
But you would be going on to bigger things
And I'd be trapped for another two years

So I created outcome 3
Where nothing changes
Because in outcomes 1 and 2
I lose you

But what I neglected to realize
Is that in outcome 3
You will still leave
And I will still miss you

In this outcome
I just didn't have the guts
To say yes to something
That could have been beautiful

And now when you leave
I won't be left with a broken heart
But I will be left
With the "what if"

And the next thing I know,
A car door slams outside.
Someone knocks on the front door
And then they walk inside,
But before they do, they ask if I'm here.
My heart is racing in a second-
What if it's you?
But then I see them
And my eyes take a second to adjust
And to see who it really is.
I hoped- I really hoped-
Maybe it was you.
But it wasn't
And I have to return to my waiting sit on the couch
Wait, I stood up that fast?
Wasn't I sitting before?
And before I knew it,
The waiting started again.

A field of fire rising up to the sky
Ten thousands of people; all will die
Dozens of suns and a giant shockwave
And nobody went to visit my own grave.

Music and life had fallen as well
And imprisoned in a chamber donned by people as “hell”
Yet deaf was all real, but the one thing heard
Was the blast in the morning as soft as a bird.

A place where freedom did never exist
A place where war from society was ******
And liberty had left; and peace had too
Inside of the government always undergoing a coup.

Cities had fallen from the bombs up above
Some paradoxical world that once kept me in love
With its sadism of nature, but all that has gone
And poems were buried in the nuclear dawn.






No…no no no no no more
I can’t take this anymore
No more nightmares it’s getting to a point
PLEASE, NO MORE EXPLOSIONS
WHY DOES IT STILL HAPPEN?!!!!
NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO MORE NO.


And my body rocks violently in sleep.

Can we go back...to where life met laughter. To when love had more value than fame. To how we used to respect those who came before us. And family extend far beyond the limits of your doorsteps. Can I get back to a gap toothed smile and fill em in puzzles. To puff bread and pecan candy. To walking my hanging with the homies at Dunbar. Who want to go back to walking from Oak St to Wakefield. Playing ball at Centennial Park, East end community center and MLK Elementary. Somehow I've wipped away a lot of my memory, however, I'll never forget my homies playing their makeshift drum set and me winking at their sister behind their back. Childhood crushes right. I have erased dates and events but the way you all have influenced me is engraved in me like the chiseled details on Donatello sculptures. I just want to go.....