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"preoccupations" poems
an ****** calligraphy of hallucinated images gesture to the posturings of omitted consciousness the preoccupations that puncture the ‘rational’ thought of a false corporeality and rely on an artificiality to produce a reality writes of the pagan haunts of silver ****** ghosts of fantastic rumors of acquired futuristic loathing where cognitive disturbances are the reconnaissance of a fragmented mind seeking an evacuation to the past screams at the monuments of immediate dismissal of everything not of their transmission
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Mar 4, 2013
Mar 4, 2013 at 5:58 PM UTC
twenty first century baroque
oh what sustains this mind a mind that teeters on the edge of a spiral vertigo that sways and rocks in an unease of palpitations attempting to escape from the brutal insensitivity of the granite faces that occupy the streets a mind of hallucinated perceptions with a constant stream of imagery that finds a difficulty in the self negotiation, the articulation of its inner geography where a frightened availability of disturbance in the vocabulary of its chemical graffiti leaves speech vacated on the tongue where eyes are pushed to see a discord of sympathies for different dimensions that has one disassociated, cut off from the immediate living in an inner dialogue of rebellious and unconventional preoccupations a self alienation that heightens the poetic colouring of the imagination causes a ************ of the mind that makes me cripplingly aware of the abyss at the heart of my inner disquiet makes my toes hover on the jagged edge of the world yet I jump choosing discovery over societal dictum to do rather than be
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Nov 14, 2013
Nov 14, 2013 at 9:00 PM UTC
to do rather than be
The ancient banyan tree is huge, its parallel trunks, Go across , spiral out, spread  branches, Sheltering birds; doves or eagles, it doesn't bother. Above that a kite lost  mid way on  its pleasure flight aimlessly circles. A grey half moon tries to remain inconspicuous in the day light. A single engine Cessna sky hawk from Bangalore flying club, Laboriously crawl across the sky like an overeaten caterpillar. He remains, Oblivious of the world around, and its many preoccupations. Within a craggy nook created by the irregular stem of the banyan, The old man sits like an idol, totally alien to the world, that is in its Nataraja's dance* A long, grey, shaggy beard; serene radiant face, Stunning  any one, looking at him with the contentment blooms there, a radiant flower. His rags for long time has not seen water, its obvious, A soiled turban around his head is tightly tied, yet  he looks regal. He is silence personified, has no needs, it seems. He breathes freedom day and night, no dependency on others, Sounds, discordant and confusing, from the nearby road, fails even to touch him, The dust wind that circles around, only creates a halo for him. A plastic bag full of stuff, his worthless belongings, lie by his side, like a severed head. An old news paper he holds, to shield him from the setting sun's attention. On the third day I found out, he has friends. Though there seems no need to speak, words are too precious to waste, isn't it what he implies? A dark, frail woman driving back her buffalo and its calf after grazing in the fields, Stops in front of him smiling, he smiles back; for the first time I saw a smile speaking to another. A silent exchange of feelings, I could experience, even  in nature, since then. An awakening he brought. Every time I watch him, with an open mind, the contentment I see, recites wordless poems
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May 13, 2013
May 13, 2013 at 10:33 AM UTC
Contentment, a poetic expression
The ancient banyan tree is huge, its parallel trunks, Go across , spiral out, spread  branches, Sheltering birds; doves or eagles, it doesn't bother. Above that a kite lost  mid way on  its pleasure flight aimlessly circles. A grey half moon tries to remain inconspicuous in the day light. A single engine Cessna sky hawk from Bangalore flying club, Laboriously crawl across the sky like an overeaten caterpillar. He remains, Oblivious of the world around, and its many preoccupations. Within a craggy nook created by the irregular stem of the banyan, The old man sits like an idol, totally alien to the world, that is in its Nataraja's dance* A long, grey, shaggy beard; serene radiant face, Stunning  any one, looking at him with the contentment blooms there, a radiant flower. His rags for long time has not seen water, its obvious, A soiled turban around his head is tightly tied, yet  he looks regal. He is silence personified, has no needs, it seems. He breathes freedom day and night, no dependency on others, Sounds, discordant and confusing, from the nearby road, fails even to touch him, The dust wind that circles around, only creates a halo for him. A plastic bag full of stuff, his worthless belongings, lie by his side, like a severed head. An old news paper he holds, to shield him from the setting sun's attention. On the third day I found out, he has friends. Though there seems no need to speak, words are too precious to waste, isn't it what he implies? A dark, frail woman driving back her buffalo and its calf after grazing in the fields, Stops in front of him smiling, he smiles back; for the first time I saw a smile speaking to another. A silent exchange of feelings, I could experience, even  in nature, since then. An awakening he brought. Every time I watch him, with an open mind, the contentment I see, recites wordless poems
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27
I walk to my work, says Senlin, along a street Superbly hung in space. I lift these mortal stones, and with my trowel I tap them into place. But is god, perhaps, a giant who ties his tie Grimacing before a colossal glass of sky? These stones are heavy, these stones decay, These stones are wet with rain, I build them into a wall today, Tomorrow they fall again. Does god arise from a chaos of starless sleep, Rise from the dark and stretch his arms and yawn; And drowsily look from the window at his garden; And rejoice at the dewdrop sparkeling on his lawn? Does he remember, suddenly, with amazement, The yesterday he left in sleep,--his name,-- Or the glittering street superbly hung in wind Along which, in the dusk, he slowly came? I devise new patterns for laying stones And build a stronger wall. One drop of rain astonishes me And I let my trowel fall. The flashing of leaves delights my eyes, Blue air delights my face; I will dedicate this stone to god And tap it into its place.
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1.7k
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 03
It is evening, Senlin says, and in the evening The throbbing of drums has languidly died away. Forest and sea are still. We breathe in silence And strive to say the things flesh cannot say. The soulless wind falls slowly about the earth And finds no rest. The lover stares at the setting star,--the wakeful lover Who finds no peace on his lover's breast. The snare of desire that bound us in is broken; Softly, in sorrow, we draw apart, and see, Far off, the beauty we thought our flesh had captured,-- The star we longed to be but could not be. Come back! We will laugh once more at the words we said! We say them slowly again, but the words are dead. Come back beloved! . . . The blue void falls between, We cry to each other: alone; unknown; unseen. We are the grains of sand that run and rustle In the dry wind, We are the grains of sand who thought ourselves Immortal. You touch my hand, time bears you away,-- An alien star for whom I have no word. What are the meaningless things you say? I answer you, but am not heard. It is evening, Senlin says; And a dream in ruin falls. Once more we turn in pain, bewildered, Among our finite walls: The walls we built ourselves with patient hands; For the god who sealed a question in our flesh.
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Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 09
Death himself in the rain . . . death himself . . . Death in the savage sunlight . . . skeletal death . . . I hear the clack of his feet, Clearly on stones, softly in dust; He hurries among the trees Whirling the leaves, tossing he hands from waves. Listen! the immortal footsteps beat. Death himself in the grass, death himself, Gyrating invisibly in the sun, Scatters the grass-blades, whips the wind, Tears at boughs with malignant laughter: On the long echoing air I hear him run. Death himself in the dusk, gathering lilacs, Breaking a white-fleshed bough, Strewing purple on a cobwebbed lawn, Dancing, dancing, The long red sun-rays glancing On flailing arms, skipping with hideous knees Cavorting grotesque ecstasies: I do not see him, but I see the lilacs fall, I hear the scrape of knuckles against the wall, The leaves are tossed and tremble where he plunges among them, And I hear the sound of his breath, Sharp and whistling, the rythm of death. It is evening: the lights on a long street balance and sway. In the purple ether they swing and silently sing, The street is a gossamer swung in space, And death himself in the wind comes dancing along it, And the lights, like raindrops, tremble and swing. Hurry, spider, and spread your glistening web, For death approaches! Hurry, rose, and open your heart to the bee, For death approaches! Maiden, let down your hair for the hands of your lover, Comb it with moonlight and wreathe it with leaves, For death approaches! Death, huge in the star; small in the sand-grain; Death himself in the rain, Drawing the rain about him like a garment of jewels: I hear the sound of his feet On the stairs of the wind, in the sun, In the forests of the sea . . . Listen! the immortal footsteps beat!
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1.6k
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 06
Death himself in the rain . . . death himself . . . Death in the savage sunlight . . . skeletal death . . . I hear the clack of his feet, Clearly on stones, softly in dust; He hurries among the trees Whirling the leaves, tossing he hands from waves. Listen! the immortal footsteps beat. Death himself in the grass, death himself, Gyrating invisibly in the sun, Scatters the grass-blades, whips the wind, Tears at boughs with malignant laughter: On the long echoing air I hear him run. Death himself in the dusk, gathering lilacs, Breaking a white-fleshed bough, Strewing purple on a cobwebbed lawn, Dancing, dancing, The long red sun-rays glancing On flailing arms, skipping with hideous knees Cavorting grotesque ecstasies: I do not see him, but I see the lilacs fall, I hear the scrape of knuckles against the wall, The leaves are tossed and tremble where he plunges among them, And I hear the sound of his breath, Sharp and whistling, the rythm of death. It is evening: the lights on a long street balance and sway. In the purple ether they swing and silently sing, The street is a gossamer swung in space, And death himself in the wind comes dancing along it, And the lights, like raindrops, tremble and swing. Hurry, spider, and spread your glistening web, For death approaches! Hurry, rose, and open your heart to the bee, For death approaches! Maiden, let down your hair for the hands of your lover, Comb it with moonlight and wreathe it with leaves, For death approaches! Death, huge in the star; small in the sand-grain; Death himself in the rain, Drawing the rain about him like a garment of jewels: I hear the sound of his feet On the stairs of the wind, in the sun, In the forests of the sea . . . Listen! the immortal footsteps beat!
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43
It is noontime, Senlin says. The sky is brilliant Above a green and dreaming hill. I lay my trowel down. The pool is cloudless, The grass, the wall, the peach-tree, all are still. It appears to me that I am one with these: A hill, upon whose back are a wall and trees. It is noontime: all seems still Upon this green and flowering hill. Yet suddenly out of nowhere in the sky, A cloud comes whirling, and flings A lazily coiled vortex of shade on the hill. It crosses the hill, and a bird in the peach-tree sings. Amazing! Is there a change? The hill seems somehow strange. It is noontime. And in the tree The leaves are delicately disturbed Where the bird descends invisibly. It is noontime. And in the pool The sky is blue and cool. Yet suddenly out of nowhere, Something flings itself at the hill, Tears with claws at the earth, Lunges and hisses and softly recoils, Crashing against the green. The peach-tree braces itself, the pool is frightened, The grass-blades quiver, the bird is still; The wall silently struggles against the sunlight; A terror stiffens the hill. The trees turn rigidly, to face Something that circles with slow pace: The blue pool seems to shrink From something that slides above its brink. What struggle is this, ferocious and still-- What war in sunlight on this hill? What is it creeping to dart Like a knife-blade at my heart? It is noontime, Senlin says, and all is tranquil: The brilliant sky burns over a greenbright earth. The peach-tree dreams in the sun, the wall is contented. A bird in the peach-leaves, moving from sun to shadow, Phrases again his unremembering mirth, His lazily beautiful, foolish, mechanical mirth.
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Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 07
It is noontime, Senlin says. The sky is brilliant Above a green and dreaming hill. I lay my trowel down. The pool is cloudless, The grass, the wall, the peach-tree, all are still. It appears to me that I am one with these: A hill, upon whose back are a wall and trees. It is noontime: all seems still Upon this green and flowering hill. Yet suddenly out of nowhere in the sky, A cloud comes whirling, and flings A lazily coiled vortex of shade on the hill. It crosses the hill, and a bird in the peach-tree sings. Amazing! Is there a change? The hill seems somehow strange. It is noontime. And in the tree The leaves are delicately disturbed Where the bird descends invisibly. It is noontime. And in the pool The sky is blue and cool. Yet suddenly out of nowhere, Something flings itself at the hill, Tears with claws at the earth, Lunges and hisses and softly recoils, Crashing against the green. The peach-tree braces itself, the pool is frightened, The grass-blades quiver, the bird is still; The wall silently struggles against the sunlight; A terror stiffens the hill. The trees turn rigidly, to face Something that circles with slow pace: The blue pool seems to shrink From something that slides above its brink. What struggle is this, ferocious and still-- What war in sunlight on this hill? What is it creeping to dart Like a knife-blade at my heart? It is noontime, Senlin says, and all is tranquil: The brilliant sky burns over a greenbright earth. The peach-tree dreams in the sun, the wall is contented. A bird in the peach-leaves, moving from sun to shadow, Phrases again his unremembering mirth, His lazily beautiful, foolish, mechanical mirth.
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42
(from "To: Mimi Romanelli" ~indebted to suggestion of https://hellopoetry.com/MacGM/ for filling me up one of the trillions of missing datapoints in my slowly diminishing insights & missing knowledges <> "I am happy, Dear, to have walked with steady faith on the waters of our uncertainty all the way to that island which is your heart and where pain blossoms. Finally: happy." from the poem by Rilke "To: Mimi Romanelli" see notes '~~~' so worthy of my/our attentions, his reflections on loss, grief and mortality, for in the natural course of this poet's story, the interplay of this shopping list of preoccupations, foremost on this temporal frontal lobe in these waning days of my perhaps, last summery summary, that falls upon your eyes with my guilt that you have clicked upon this e~pistle, in and un~ tentionally & tensionally thus demanding & tendering post-haste my apology so be advised, be learned, and query why an essay on ending mortality should be be finished with a concluding a "Finally: happy." by breaching this poet Rilke essay, one discovers this poet sees through the storms of his preoccupations, "the red of his blood," because he loves another human, being, so many would agree, yet so few are so certain, as Rilke, and yet, "*It is still always that death which continues inside of me, which works in me, which transforms my heart, which deepens the red of my blood, which weighs down the life that had been ours so that it may become a bittersweet drop coursing through my veins and penetrating everything, and which ought to be mine forever. And while I am completely engulfed in my sadness, I am happy to sense that you exist, Beautiful. I am happy to have flung myself without fear into your beauty just as a bird flings itself into space. I am happy, Dear, to have walked with steady faith on the waters of our uncertainty all the way to that island which is your heart and where pain blossoms.* Finally: happy." <> Writ the last week of August, and the first of September 2025
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Sep 2, 2025
Sep 2, 2025 at 12:49 PM UTC
Finally: Happy
(from "To: Mimi Romanelli" ~indebted to suggestion of https://hellopoetry.com/MacGM/ for filling me up one of the trillions of missing datapoints in my slowly diminishing insights & missing knowledges <> "I am happy, Dear, to have walked with steady faith on the waters of our uncertainty all the way to that island which is your heart and where pain blossoms. Finally: happy." from the poem by Rilke "To: Mimi Romanelli" see notes '~~~' so worthy of my/our attentions, his reflections on loss, grief and mortality, for in the natural course of this poet's story, the interplay of this shopping list of preoccupations, foremost on this temporal frontal lobe in these waning days of my perhaps, last summery summary, that falls upon your eyes with my guilt that you have clicked upon this e~pistle, in and un~ tentionally & tensionally thus demanding & tendering post-haste my apology so be advised, be learned, and query why an essay on ending mortality should be be finished with a concluding a "Finally: happy." by breaching this poet Rilke essay, one discovers this poet sees through the storms of his preoccupations, "the red of his blood," because he loves another human, being, so many would agree, yet so few are so certain, as Rilke, and yet, "*It is still always that death which continues inside of me, which works in me, which transforms my heart, which deepens the red of my blood, which weighs down the life that had been ours so that it may become a bittersweet drop coursing through my veins and penetrating everything, and which ought to be mine forever. And while I am completely engulfed in my sadness, I am happy to sense that you exist, Beautiful. I am happy to have flung myself without fear into your beauty just as a bird flings itself into space. I am happy, Dear, to have walked with steady faith on the waters of our uncertainty all the way to that island which is your heart and where pain blossoms.* Finally: happy." <> Writ the last week of August, and the first of September 2025
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46
I hear your voice like a screaming nightmare Breaking the consoling silence of sleep Whispers softly nibbling my ear Waking alone I wrap my arms around myself Your memory lingers at my fingertips Caress my soft skin, feel my womanly curves and touch my ample ******* Fantasizing you Then lay alone, an empty carcass in the reality of my morning daydreams. Moving to changing destinations, paths passing the places we used to visit I greet your ghost there A haunting apparition of the love you were unable to bequeath But felt the need to feed. A carrot stick of intimacy dangled poetry in front of my ravenous hunger Tear filled eyes with muddied thoughts ponder perception and acceptance Like a wounded animal starving to death in the wild Pleading please put me out of my misery Feed my void or punish me for my inadequacies Anything but desertion Alone in this love with no one to catch my fall No one to guide me home My ***** burn with the laughter of children Feeling like a cat in heat, arching her back, anticipating the excitement of pleasure Distraction is the anesthetic, filling days with faces, stories and preoccupations Silent car rides home allow speculation to settle in New hysteria of doubts and accusations No solace for those who suffer the anguish of what it is to ruminate Imaginary conversations swing reality like a pendulum From black to white, through a grey scale of affection Evening wraps her arms around me offering peaceful relief Moments of acceptance to relinquish misery keep my sanity A lullaby soothing salted wounds Liberty to forgive, Unable to forget you
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Aug 19, 2012
Aug 19, 2012 at 5:29 PM UTC
Wounded Animal
I hear your voice like a screaming nightmare Breaking the consoling silence of sleep Whispers softly nibbling my ear Waking alone I wrap my arms around myself Your memory lingers at my fingertips Caress my soft skin, feel my womanly curves and touch my ample ******* Fantasizing you Then lay alone, an empty carcass in the reality of my morning daydreams. Moving to changing destinations, paths passing the places we used to visit I greet your ghost there A haunting apparition of the love you were unable to bequeath But felt the need to feed. A carrot stick of intimacy dangled poetry in front of my ravenous hunger Tear filled eyes with muddied thoughts ponder perception and acceptance Like a wounded animal starving to death in the wild Pleading please put me out of my misery Feed my void or punish me for my inadequacies Anything but desertion Alone in this love with no one to catch my fall No one to guide me home My ***** burn with the laughter of children Feeling like a cat in heat, arching her back, anticipating the excitement of pleasure Distraction is the anesthetic, filling days with faces, stories and preoccupations Silent car rides home allow speculation to settle in New hysteria of doubts and accusations No solace for those who suffer the anguish of what it is to ruminate Imaginary conversations swing reality like a pendulum From black to white, through a grey scale of affection Evening wraps her arms around me offering peaceful relief Moments of acceptance to relinquish misery keep my sanity A lullaby soothing salted wounds Liberty to forgive, Unable to forget you
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33
It is noontime, Senlin says, and a street piano Strikes sharply against the sunshine a harsh chord, And the universe is suddenly agitated, And pain to my heart goes glittering like a sword. Do I imagine it? The dust is shaken, The sunlight quivers, the brittle oak-leaves tremble. The world, disturbed, conceals its agitation; And I, too, will dissemble. Yet it is sorrow has found my heart, Sorrow for beauty, sorrow for death; And pain twirls slowly among the trees. The street-piano revolves its glittering music, The sharp notes flash and dazzle and turn, Memory's knives are in this sunlit silence, They ripple and lazily burn. The star on which my shadow falls is frightened,-- It does not move; my trowel taps a stone, The sweet note wavers amid derisive music; And I, in horror of sunlight, stand alone. Do not recall my weakness, savage music! Let the knives rest! Impersonal, harsh, the music revolves and glitters, And the notes like poniards pierce my breast. And I remember the shadows of webs on stones, And the sound or rain on withered grass, And a sorrowful face that looked without illusions At its image in the glass. Do not recall my childhood, pitiless music! The green blades flicker and gleam, The red bee bends the clover, deeply humming; In the blue sea above me lazily stream Cloud upon thin-brown cloud, revolving, scattering; The mulberry tree rakes heaven and drops its fruit; Amazing sunlight sings in the opened vault On dust and bones, and I am mute. It is noon; the bells let fall soft flowers of sound. They turn on the air, they shrink in the flare of noon. It is night; and I lie alone, and watch through the window The terrible ice-white emptiness of the moon. Small bells, far off, spill jewels of sound like rain, A long wind hurries them whirled and far, A cloud creeps over the moon, my bed is darkened, I hold my breath and watch a star. Do not disturb my memories, heartless music! I stand once more by a vine-dark moonlit wall, The sound of my footsteps dies in a void of moonlight, And I watch white jasmine fall. Is it my heart that falls? Does earth itself Drift, a white petal, down the sky? One bell-note goes to the stars in the blue-white silence, Solitary and mournful, a somnolent cry.
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1.3k
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 05
It is noontime, Senlin says, and a street piano Strikes sharply against the sunshine a harsh chord, And the universe is suddenly agitated, And pain to my heart goes glittering like a sword. Do I imagine it? The dust is shaken, The sunlight quivers, the brittle oak-leaves tremble. The world, disturbed, conceals its agitation; And I, too, will dissemble. Yet it is sorrow has found my heart, Sorrow for beauty, sorrow for death; And pain twirls slowly among the trees. The street-piano revolves its glittering music, The sharp notes flash and dazzle and turn, Memory's knives are in this sunlit silence, They ripple and lazily burn. The star on which my shadow falls is frightened,-- It does not move; my trowel taps a stone, The sweet note wavers amid derisive music; And I, in horror of sunlight, stand alone. Do not recall my weakness, savage music! Let the knives rest! Impersonal, harsh, the music revolves and glitters, And the notes like poniards pierce my breast. And I remember the shadows of webs on stones, And the sound or rain on withered grass, And a sorrowful face that looked without illusions At its image in the glass. Do not recall my childhood, pitiless music! The green blades flicker and gleam, The red bee bends the clover, deeply humming; In the blue sea above me lazily stream Cloud upon thin-brown cloud, revolving, scattering; The mulberry tree rakes heaven and drops its fruit; Amazing sunlight sings in the opened vault On dust and bones, and I am mute. It is noon; the bells let fall soft flowers of sound. They turn on the air, they shrink in the flare of noon. It is night; and I lie alone, and watch through the window The terrible ice-white emptiness of the moon. Small bells, far off, spill jewels of sound like rain, A long wind hurries them whirled and far, A cloud creeps over the moon, my bed is darkened, I hold my breath and watch a star. Do not disturb my memories, heartless music! I stand once more by a vine-dark moonlit wall, The sound of my footsteps dies in a void of moonlight, And I watch white jasmine fall. Is it my heart that falls? Does earth itself Drift, a white petal, down the sky? One bell-note goes to the stars in the blue-white silence, Solitary and mournful, a somnolent cry.
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51
It is morning, Senlin says, and in the morning When the light drips through the shutters like the dew, I arise, I face the sunrise, And do the things my fathers learned to do. Stars in the purple dusk above the rooftops Pale in a saffron mist and seem to die, And I myself on a swiftly tilting planet Stand before a glass and tie my tie. Vine leaves tap my window, Dew-drops sing to the garden stones, The robin chips in the chinaberry tree Repeating three clear tones. It is morning. I stand by the mirror And tie my tie once more. While waves far off in a pale rose twilight Crash on a white sand shore. I stand by a mirror and comb my hair: How small and white my face!-- The green earth tilts through a sphere of air And bathes in a flame of space. There are houses hanging above the stars And stars hung under a sea . . . And a sun far off in a shell of silence Dapples my walls for me . . . It is morning, Senlin says, and in the morning Should I not pause in the light to remember God? Upright and firm I stand on a star unstable, He is immense and lonely as a cloud. I will dedicate this moment before my mirror To him alone, and for him I will comb my hair. Accept these humble offerings, cloud of silence! I will think of you as I descend the stair. Vine leaves tap my window, The snail-track shines on the stones, Dew-drops flash from the chinaberry tree Repeating two clear tones. It is morning, I awake from a bed of silence, Shining I rise from the starless waters of sleep. The walls are about me still as in the evening, I am the same, and the same name still I keep. The earth revolves with me, yet makes no motion, The stars pale silently in a coral sky. In a whistling void I stand before my mirror, Unconcerned, I tie my tie. There are horses neighing on far-off hills Tossing their long white manes, And mountains flash in the rose-white dusk, Their shoulders black with rains . . . It is morning. I stand by the mirror And surprise my soul once more; The blue air rushes above my ceiling, There are suns beneath my floor . . . . . . It is morning, Senlin says, I ascend from darkness And depart on the winds of space for I know not where, My watch is wound, a key is in my pocket, And the sky is darkened as I descend the stair. There are shadows across the windows, clouds in heaven, And a god among the stars; and I will go Thinking of him as I might think of daybreak And humming a tune I know . . . Vine-leaves tap at the window, Dew-drops sing to the garden stones, The robin chirps in the chinaberry tree Repeating three clear tones.
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1.2k
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 02
It is morning, Senlin says, and in the morning When the light drips through the shutters like the dew, I arise, I face the sunrise, And do the things my fathers learned to do. Stars in the purple dusk above the rooftops Pale in a saffron mist and seem to die, And I myself on a swiftly tilting planet Stand before a glass and tie my tie. Vine leaves tap my window, Dew-drops sing to the garden stones, The robin chips in the chinaberry tree Repeating three clear tones. It is morning. I stand by the mirror And tie my tie once more. While waves far off in a pale rose twilight Crash on a white sand shore. I stand by a mirror and comb my hair: How small and white my face!-- The green earth tilts through a sphere of air And bathes in a flame of space. There are houses hanging above the stars And stars hung under a sea . . . And a sun far off in a shell of silence Dapples my walls for me . . . It is morning, Senlin says, and in the morning Should I not pause in the light to remember God? Upright and firm I stand on a star unstable, He is immense and lonely as a cloud. I will dedicate this moment before my mirror To him alone, and for him I will comb my hair. Accept these humble offerings, cloud of silence! I will think of you as I descend the stair. Vine leaves tap my window, The snail-track shines on the stones, Dew-drops flash from the chinaberry tree Repeating two clear tones. It is morning, I awake from a bed of silence, Shining I rise from the starless waters of sleep. The walls are about me still as in the evening, I am the same, and the same name still I keep. The earth revolves with me, yet makes no motion, The stars pale silently in a coral sky. In a whistling void I stand before my mirror, Unconcerned, I tie my tie. There are horses neighing on far-off hills Tossing their long white manes, And mountains flash in the rose-white dusk, Their shoulders black with rains . . . It is morning. I stand by the mirror And surprise my soul once more; The blue air rushes above my ceiling, There are suns beneath my floor . . . . . . It is morning, Senlin says, I ascend from darkness And depart on the winds of space for I know not where, My watch is wound, a key is in my pocket, And the sky is darkened as I descend the stair. There are shadows across the windows, clouds in heaven, And a god among the stars; and I will go Thinking of him as I might think of daybreak And humming a tune I know . . . Vine-leaves tap at the window, Dew-drops sing to the garden stones, The robin chirps in the chinaberry tree Repeating three clear tones.
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64
That woman--did she try to attract my attention? Is it true I saw her smile and nod? She turned her head and smiled . . . was it for me? It is better to think of work or god. The clouds pile coldly above the houses Slow wind revolves the leaves: It begins to rain, and the first long drops Are slantingly blown from eaves. But it is true she tried to attract my attention! She pressed a rose to her chin and smiled. Her hand was white by the richness of her hair, Her eyes were those of a child. It is true she looked at me as if she liked me. And turned away, afraid to look too long! She watched me out of the corners of her eyes; And, tapping time with fingers, hummed a song. . . . Nevertheless, I will think of work, With a trowel in my hands; Or the vague god who blows like clouds Above these dripping lands . . . But . . . is it sure she tried to attract my attention? She leaned her elbow in a peculiar way There in the crowded room . . . she touched my hand . . . She must have known, and yet,--she let it stay. Music of flesh! Music of root and sod! Leaf touching leaf in the rain! Impalpable clouds of red ascend, Red clouds blow over my brain. Did she await from me some sign of acceptance? I smoothed my hair with a faltering hand. I started a feeble smile, but the smile was frozen: Perhaps, I thought, I misunderstood. Is it to be conceived that I could attract her-- This dull and futile flesh attract such fire? I,--with a trowel's dullness in hand and brain!-- Take on some godlike aspect, rouse desire? Incredible! . . . delicious! . . . I will wear A brighter color of tie, arranged with care, I will delight in god as I comb my hair. And the conquests of my bolder past return Like strains of music, some lost tune Recalled from youth and a happier time. I take my sweetheart's arm in the dusk once more; One more we climb Up the forbidden stairway, Under the flickering light, along the railing: I catch her hand in the dark, we laugh once more, I hear the rustle of silk, and follow swiftly, And softly at last we close the door. Yes, it is true that woman tried to attract me: It is true she came out of time for me, Came from the swirling and savage forest of earth, The cruel eternity of the sea. She parted the leaves of waves and rose from silence Shining with secrets she did not know. Music of dust! Music of web and web! And I, bewildered, let her go. I light my pipe. The flame is yellow, Edged underneath with blue. These thoughts are truer of god, perhaps, Than thoughts of god are true.
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987
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 04
That woman--did she try to attract my attention? Is it true I saw her smile and nod? She turned her head and smiled . . . was it for me? It is better to think of work or god. The clouds pile coldly above the houses Slow wind revolves the leaves: It begins to rain, and the first long drops Are slantingly blown from eaves. But it is true she tried to attract my attention! She pressed a rose to her chin and smiled. Her hand was white by the richness of her hair, Her eyes were those of a child. It is true she looked at me as if she liked me. And turned away, afraid to look too long! She watched me out of the corners of her eyes; And, tapping time with fingers, hummed a song. . . . Nevertheless, I will think of work, With a trowel in my hands; Or the vague god who blows like clouds Above these dripping lands . . . But . . . is it sure she tried to attract my attention? She leaned her elbow in a peculiar way There in the crowded room . . . she touched my hand . . . She must have known, and yet,--she let it stay. Music of flesh! Music of root and sod! Leaf touching leaf in the rain! Impalpable clouds of red ascend, Red clouds blow over my brain. Did she await from me some sign of acceptance? I smoothed my hair with a faltering hand. I started a feeble smile, but the smile was frozen: Perhaps, I thought, I misunderstood. Is it to be conceived that I could attract her-- This dull and futile flesh attract such fire? I,--with a trowel's dullness in hand and brain!-- Take on some godlike aspect, rouse desire? Incredible! . . . delicious! . . . I will wear A brighter color of tie, arranged with care, I will delight in god as I comb my hair. And the conquests of my bolder past return Like strains of music, some lost tune Recalled from youth and a happier time. I take my sweetheart's arm in the dusk once more; One more we climb Up the forbidden stairway, Under the flickering light, along the railing: I catch her hand in the dark, we laugh once more, I hear the rustle of silk, and follow swiftly, And softly at last we close the door. Yes, it is true that woman tried to attract me: It is true she came out of time for me, Came from the swirling and savage forest of earth, The cruel eternity of the sea. She parted the leaves of waves and rose from silence Shining with secrets she did not know. Music of dust! Music of web and web! And I, bewildered, let her go. I light my pipe. The flame is yellow, Edged underneath with blue. These thoughts are truer of god, perhaps, Than thoughts of god are true.
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61
It is moonlight. Alone in the silence I ascend my stairs once more, While waves, remote in a pale blue starlight, Crash on a white sand shore. It is moonlight. The garden is silent. I stand in my room alone. Across my wall, from the far-off moon, A rain of fire is thrown . . . There are houses hanging above the stars, And stars hung under a sea: And a wind from the long blue vault of time Waves my curtain for me . . . I wait in the dark once more, Swung between space and space: Before my mirror I lift my hands And face my remembered face. Is it I who stand in a question here, Asking to know my name? . . . It is I, yet I know not whither I go, Nor why, nor whence I came. It is I, who awoke at dawn And arose and descended the stair, Conceiving a god in the eye of the sun,-- In a woman's hands and hair. It is I whose flesh is gray with the stones I builded into a wall: With a mournful melody in my brain Of a tune I cannot recall . . . There are roses to kiss: and mouths to kiss; And the sharp-pained shadow of death. I remember a rain-drop on my cheek,-- A wind like a fragrant breath . . . And the star I laugh on tilts through heaven; And the heavens are dark and steep . . . I will forget these things once more In the silence of sleep.
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953
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 10
27 miles to empty i needed to leave the house i needed to get out of bed to escape from loneliness and, for a moment, leave behind every single thing i never said out of the quiet emptiness of my cold grey walls out of my head which, coincidentally, only finds stillness in distraction i needed to give myself something else to think about to be preoccupied from my own preoccupations because it's never empty up there, but sometimes when i sing along it starts to feel like it's just me and the music but my phone is dead it always is it's surprisingly hard work avoiding all the conversations you don't want to have (which is most of them) FM radio, i forgot where to look i scan the stations three times over and only stop when i feel like i'm emma woodhouse 88.1, symphony no. 3 and in the dark i don't even have to close my eyes to pretend i'm someone else somewhere else, sometime else and then the host rolls advertisements, deals and steals and did you know the cemeteries are ready to serve you again? i laugh to myself and wonder what's it like to serve the dead? to dig six feet down and resist falling in it's much more sad up on top, anyway, you know but i'm distracted again and god, it feels good i'd rather think about death than how much it hurts just to exist sometimes in the classical music i lose myself in the past i'd romanticize a war if it meant i'd get to wear a pretty dress and never have to think of someone falling out of love with me ever again even if it's because they're bleeding out on a muddy battlefield in the middle of a match that wasn't even theirs to fight somehow death seems a more proper thought than imagining you going on and living without me 7 miles to empty and i'm back to where it all began i just can't shut out the voices telling me all roads don't lead to you
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Dec 7, 2020
Dec 7, 2020 at 5:20 PM UTC
symphony no. 3 past midnight
27 miles to empty i needed to leave the house i needed to get out of bed to escape from loneliness and, for a moment, leave behind every single thing i never said out of the quiet emptiness of my cold grey walls out of my head which, coincidentally, only finds stillness in distraction i needed to give myself something else to think about to be preoccupied from my own preoccupations because it's never empty up there, but sometimes when i sing along it starts to feel like it's just me and the music but my phone is dead it always is it's surprisingly hard work avoiding all the conversations you don't want to have (which is most of them) FM radio, i forgot where to look i scan the stations three times over and only stop when i feel like i'm emma woodhouse 88.1, symphony no. 3 and in the dark i don't even have to close my eyes to pretend i'm someone else somewhere else, sometime else and then the host rolls advertisements, deals and steals and did you know the cemeteries are ready to serve you again? i laugh to myself and wonder what's it like to serve the dead? to dig six feet down and resist falling in it's much more sad up on top, anyway, you know but i'm distracted again and god, it feels good i'd rather think about death than how much it hurts just to exist sometimes in the classical music i lose myself in the past i'd romanticize a war if it meant i'd get to wear a pretty dress and never have to think of someone falling out of love with me ever again even if it's because they're bleeding out on a muddy battlefield in the middle of a match that wasn't even theirs to fight somehow death seems a more proper thought than imagining you going on and living without me 7 miles to empty and i'm back to where it all began i just can't shut out the voices telling me all roads don't lead to you
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72
I am a house, says Senlin, locked and darkened, Sealed from the sun with wall and door and blind. Summon me loudly, and you'll hear slow footsteps Ring far and faint in the galleries of my mind. You'll hear soft steps on an old and dusty stairway; Peer darkly through some corner of a pane, You'll see me with a faint light coming slowly, Pausing above some gallery of the brain . . . I am a city . . . In the blue light of evening Wind wanders among my streets and makes them fair; I am a room of rock . . . a maiden dances Lifting her hands, tossing her golden hair. She combs her hair, the room of rock is darkened, She extends herself in me, and I am sleep. It is my pride that starlight is above me; I dream amid waves of air, my walls are deep. I am a door . . . before me roils the darkness, Behind me ring clear waves of sound and light. Stand in the shadowy street outside, and listen-- The crying of violins assails the night . . . My walls are deep, but the cries of music pierce them; They shake with the sound of drums . . . yet it is strange That I should know so little what means this music, Hearing it always within me change and change. Knock on the door,--and you shall have an answer. Open the heavy walls to set me free, And blow a horn to call me into the sunlight,-- And startled, then, what a strange thing you will see! Nuns, murderers, and drunkards, saints and sinners, Lover and dancing girl and sage and clown Will laugh upon you, and you will find me nowhere. I am a room, a house, a street, a town.
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837
Senlin, A Biography: Part 02: His Futile Preoccupations - 01
I am a house, says Senlin, locked and darkened, Sealed from the sun with wall and door and blind. Summon me loudly, and you'll hear slow footsteps Ring far and faint in the galleries of my mind. You'll hear soft steps on an old and dusty stairway; Peer darkly through some corner of a pane, You'll see me with a faint light coming slowly, Pausing above some gallery of the brain . . . I am a city . . . In the blue light of evening Wind wanders among my streets and makes them fair; I am a room of rock . . . a maiden dances Lifting her hands, tossing her golden hair. She combs her hair, the room of rock is darkened, She extends herself in me, and I am sleep. It is my pride that starlight is above me; I dream amid waves of air, my walls are deep. I am a door . . . before me roils the darkness, Behind me ring clear waves of sound and light. Stand in the shadowy street outside, and listen-- The crying of violins assails the night . . . My walls are deep, but the cries of music pierce them; They shake with the sound of drums . . . yet it is strange That I should know so little what means this music, Hearing it always within me change and change. Knock on the door,--and you shall have an answer. Open the heavy walls to set me free, And blow a horn to call me into the sunlight,-- And startled, then, what a strange thing you will see! Nuns, murderers, and drunkards, saints and sinners, Lover and dancing girl and sage and clown Will laugh upon you, and you will find me nowhere. I am a room, a house, a street, a town.
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32
Can't dare to close my eyes Filled with pain, sadness and sorrow Trembling till the tears resign Afraid of what i might see when i follow The train of my thoughts ***** by the hurricane Of this life that's only just a game The winner oughts to be heartless But we're all helpless now that Love, friendship, war and wealth Remain the utter preoccupations Of our unfortunate generations. Disguised creatures invade our dreams And leave us slaves to their schemes Smiles erased from all faces Dragged to unfamiliar, dark places Tied to their muddy fingers, Carried by cheap linkers. a bit depressing but still..
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Dec 2, 2013
Dec 2, 2013 at 2:20 PM UTC
Invasion of the soul
My therapist asked me today If I hated you Then the tears started and I replied "Well he isn't my favorite person In the entire world right now" Even though it's not your fault I may be angry, but I know It's just me trying to reconcile I am just frustrated, stuck Trying to let go of my preoccupations About you even when I shouldn't have any I'm not your caretaker, but boy I loved Feeling like I made your day Even a modicum brighter Any small act was never wasted I loved being there for you Being that person who you knew Truly wanted you to be happy And constantly tried to make you smile But it's not my job now To make you happy Even then, I couldn't entirely Make you a happy man And that was so much pressure I could never truly live up and be it all And it's hard to feel like That role in my life, is over A purpose has disintegrated I'm no longer needed I don't have to feel like You being sad is something I have a part to play in But now your happiness Is something I'm not a part of either The beautiful togetherness that I miss Is replaced by a great abyss The only person I can control is myself But I'm only beginning, attempts at forgiving By myself, alone and living
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Oct 27, 2016
Oct 27, 2016 at 11:23 PM UTC
By myself, alone and living
Drunk. On the thoughts occupying my mind, Drunk. On the preoccupations playing in front of my eyes, Drunk. Floating in my drunkenness... My only wish Does not exist. Because, Floating in the drunkenness of my pain has Taken my awareness away. __Drunk.__
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Aug 11, 2018
Aug 11, 2018 at 11:25 AM UTC
Drunk tired
Children who have nothing are crying We drown it out with our preoccupations I do, too! Can you imagine the Republic of Congo And what children there, suffer? I have travelled to the 3rd world extensively and Have been to Nepal and Madagascar. The children suffer in a brutal way . . . that is hard to wrap your head around If you've never left the US, Canada or Europe, Australia or Japan. How can we have a conscience And let it go on? We pretend it's not happening But it is. Google "Jared Fogle". Let us amend the Constitution And create a safe haven for crime victims Let's have a two strikes and you're out Law for pedophiles who pray on children Under 12 years of age. For me, I can no longer look at it With a blind eye For helping the children Is what I was trained by Life experience, to do. I was one of those children once And not a single person cared. Let me be there for the current Child victims And let's try to heal that part of Our sometimes, twisted world. Let me do all that I can do! All I ask of you, is to think about children suffering around the world for just 10 seconds. ~Arianna
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Sep 6, 2015
Sep 6, 2015 at 1:50 PM UTC
Children are crying
To be truly alone does not just mean to be alone from others, it also include being alone from your poisons,prejudices, jealousy, hurts,anger, ambitions, fears, hopes, ego and your thoughts. Once you can drop all this baggage then only can you hope to truly understand what it is like to experience aloneness. Aloneness is vastly different to loneliness. Like water which can clearly mirror the sky and the trees only so long as its surface is undisturbed, the mind can only reflect the true image of the self when it is tranquil and wholly relaxed. A mind that has understood the whole movement of thought becomes extraordinarily quiet, absolute silent. Silence comes when the mind is no longer seeking, no longer caught in the process of becoming. The mind can never experience the new, and so the mind must utterly still. What is important is to be inwardly very simple, very austere, which is to have a mind not clogged with beliefs, with fears, with innumerable wants, for only such a mind is capable of real thinking, of exploration and discovery. Stillness that is induced, enforced, is still not stillness at all. It is like putting a child in the corner – superficially he may be quiet, but inwardly he is boiling. So a mind that is made quiet, and stillness that is induced can never uncover that creative state in which reality comes in to being. To observe, to watch, to give you whole attention to something beautiful, your mind must be free of preoccupations, must it not? It must not be occupied with problems, with worries with speculations. It is only when the mind is very quiet that you can really observe, for then the mind is sensitive to extraordinary beauty, and perhaps here is a clue to our problem of freedom. If you want to take a long journey, you must carry very little, if you want to climb to a great height, you must travel light. Simba
0
May 30, 2021
May 30, 2021 at 12:44 PM UTC
Aloneness vs Loneliness
To be truly alone does not just mean to be alone from others, it also include being alone from your poisons,prejudices, jealousy, hurts,anger, ambitions, fears, hopes, ego and your thoughts. Once you can drop all this baggage then only can you hope to truly understand what it is like to experience aloneness. Aloneness is vastly different to loneliness. Like water which can clearly mirror the sky and the trees only so long as its surface is undisturbed, the mind can only reflect the true image of the self when it is tranquil and wholly relaxed. A mind that has understood the whole movement of thought becomes extraordinarily quiet, absolute silent. Silence comes when the mind is no longer seeking, no longer caught in the process of becoming. The mind can never experience the new, and so the mind must utterly still. What is important is to be inwardly very simple, very austere, which is to have a mind not clogged with beliefs, with fears, with innumerable wants, for only such a mind is capable of real thinking, of exploration and discovery. Stillness that is induced, enforced, is still not stillness at all. It is like putting a child in the corner – superficially he may be quiet, but inwardly he is boiling. So a mind that is made quiet, and stillness that is induced can never uncover that creative state in which reality comes in to being. To observe, to watch, to give you whole attention to something beautiful, your mind must be free of preoccupations, must it not? It must not be occupied with problems, with worries with speculations. It is only when the mind is very quiet that you can really observe, for then the mind is sensitive to extraordinary beauty, and perhaps here is a clue to our problem of freedom. If you want to take a long journey, you must carry very little, if you want to climb to a great height, you must travel light. Simba
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9
you liked to live life in the fast lane speed straight down highways, no slowing down no brakes, no time to hesitate no time for limitation on your desire to obtain your preoccupations you liked to focus on the present for a short while until the now signalled its change to the slow lane and began driving the speed limit and you could no longer race it from then, it was pretending to care while searching for the next body type no two were exactly alike, you always had a hunger for a new rev in the engine sooner rather than later, the present became a distant memory that you left stranded on the side of the highway and you took the driver's seat in a new model that you should've taken passenger's in you did always enjoy revisiting your antiques though they were the ones you knew were too attached to forget you until one day, your most prized possession refused to turn on its headlights and refused to run for you and thus began the inhalation of your premium body type collection off to the races speed demon, good luck finding another car to race
0
Nov 27, 2018
Nov 27, 2018 at 9:41 PM UTC
speed racer