My therapist asked me today
If I hated you
Then the tears started and I replied
"Well he isn't my favorite person
In the entire world right now"
Even though it's not your fault
I may be angry, but I know
It's just me trying to reconcile

I am just frustrated, stuck
Trying to let go of my preoccupations
About you even when I shouldn't have any

I'm not your caretaker, but boy I loved
Feeling like I made your day
Even a modicum brighter

Any small act was never wasted
I loved being there for you
Being that person who you knew
Truly wanted you to be happy
And constantly tried to make you smile

But it's not my job now
To make you happy
Even then, I couldn't entirely
Make you a happy man
And that was so much pressure
I could never truly live up and be it all

And it's hard to feel like
That role in my life, is over
A purpose has disintegrated
I'm no longer needed

I don't have to feel like
You being sad is something
I have a part to play in

But now your happiness
Is something I'm not a part of either
The beautiful togetherness that I miss
Is replaced by a great abyss

The only person I can control is myself
But I'm only beginning, attempts at forgiving
By myself, alone and living