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Lorenzo Neltje Jul 2018
So, you ask,
How would I explain it?
Well certainly, as something
Not fun.
It's like...
It's like carrying a leach around with you.
When I walk, I can feel it,
It is a dead weight on my chest,
******* the life from my arms,
Making my hands and face slender,
What should be full and strong
It's like...
It's like when you're sick to your stomach.
That feeling of tar in your gut,
But instead of being isolated, it's everywhere
Throughout your body,
It makes you feel sick everywhere.

This is how I explain dysphoria:
Have you ever looked in the mirror,
And wanted to just rip all your hair out?
When a bad hair day gets out of hand,
Have you ever felt the need to just start over?
Even when you tear out a clump of hair
And your scalp looks raw and a little ******,
But you keep going anyway,
Just to get rid of that stupid haircut?
...no?
Alright, how about,
When you're watching the outtakes of a 3-D animated movie,
the scenes that have "gone wrong",
When the girl's eyes are far too big and pop out of her face,
Her arms are disconnected from her chest,
Her head moves but her teeth do not,
And you just want to scream "DELETE IT!"
Because it's obvious that someone has ******* up here,
And this nightmare, this fever dream
Is not what they intended their creation to look like.

Alright, well have you ever
Done a pencil drawing?
And you've put a lot of time and effort into it,
You're so proud,
This is one of your best works,
But something about it is just off?
You might not be able to tell what it is,
This will bother you for a long time,
You will spend hours on end thinking
About what exactly separates this piece of art from everything else,
What it is that keeps it from perfection...
Until suddenly one day, you realise,
You notice exactly what's wrong,
You grab an eraser to fix your mistake
But then, oh no
Your eraser was *****,
And when you tried to rub out that single wonky line,
You leave a huge black smudge across your paper
And now there's no way to get rid of it
All your work on this piece, ruined,
And you're really upset,
You were so proud of this drawing,
It was so close to being perfect,
It could have been so beautiful,
It was almost perfect, but now...

But now, it's wrong.
It just looks wrong
It just IS wrong,
It wasn't meant to look like this
I am trying to explain as simply as I can
That this body is wrong,
That it wasn't meant to look like this,
That it wasn't meant to BE like this!
Don't you understand?
This is how I explain dysphoria:
Have you ever looked in the mirror
And wanted to just rip your chest out?
Do you ever see your body, your parts seeming broken,
Your chest, legs, hear the sound of your voice
And just scream "DELETE IT!"
Because it's obvious that someone
Has ******* up
Someone was using a ***** eraser
When they created me, erased me,
And they've left smudges, mistakes, that I
Cannot get rid of,
And however hard I try to pretend
That I don't care,
I do,
And I still feel the need to erase them.
These leaches that I carry around,
They drain me,
And I was so proud of myself
I,
This body...

It could have been so beautiful
An attempt at a spoken-word poem. I wrote this a while ago but I came back and edited it, and figured I’d finally publish it. It's very different to the style I usually write in, I think at some point while writing it it just turned into venting. I figure if this speaks to one person, I've done well.
Robin Carretti Jul 2018
That someone
Transcendental
But the scene got dangerous
Lady confidential
The Candle in
the wind of diamonds

Went International
A kiss all over
Continental

{A Scene}she play like
a *** phone
The Xylophone,
not a girl's best friend
Used as a weapon

The scenes crying your eyes
out being alone
Taught her many lessons

And those I phones will become old
The new science of acting is bold
Like the I-spy  you've been
Sherlocked
Pretty smile closed locked
Your earrings what big loop
He's draping the sheerness
The fairest of them all
escaping they need the
The darkness hitting those
stage lights
With your lover
Your body so lovely but
The scene changed to the

{Arsenic and lace}

never will he cover
Death becomes her

What happened to
your love scene
So-called part of your face
His words can devour
her footprints
The scene next required
dinner mints
Like tracking

The trance what a long trip
My taste bud acidy
Flying with lucidity
Meeting My Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds

The scene was set up with one crack
To be naked no lines left out train track

The Prince looked away
Never to kiss her

But its I
In the scene, someone will bless her

The whole shebang act
Not some kind of
Seed planted
Whole wheat clean as a whistle
bagel
With your cute beagles
Watching your whole set
Like twins or double bet
What a set she has
Detective scenes of
Chocolate Bavarian cream
Vanilla sky the scene you had
was only perfect for
your dream
Doughnuts all cream
She slipped out of her
French crazy horse
burlesque
scene

The Nutcracker ballet
What meaning yearning
But waiting so long my steps
Got lost in his fire
The desire was higher than
Those outtakes and scenes
To do over again
Primetime someone
Will do the scene again
They skipped over
too many lines
Became the dark silhouette
The scene can be changeable
Channeling into someone
remarkable

We are not built up
to take instructions
We are the someone's
Walking the thin line
Or the thin man
Slim man scene
The restriction chair
Like the guillotine
was the fad
Getting scared and angry
Someone showed up mad
Was pitch black dark of the light
Flickers

Should a scene have teasing
No silly quite the drama so
theatrical they hired someone
Was she anyone well known
Like no artist over the website
He was teasing her hair I mean
That wet diving suit was
like the Rite
She got the look shopping
at Shoprite
"Like Loreal" but more surreal
What April fools commercial
Loosening his tie so political
Their discussion all
exceptions to the rule
Bullfight what kick
in the pants mule


She was born Nutty Professor of snickers*


The true believers and achievers
The passion within us
The colors come to ******
Like a scene
We know how to act when
we aren't acting
Like the punctuations
P...I...E...C...E...S
Those nooks and cranny
bits of pieces

Look at her nieces
they look guilty
When we are doing a scene
It's not necessarily about
being wealthy
Everything is
tangible you're on your own
Even if you're not well known
Like a movie extra
Extra read all about it
I am capable of acting anyway I can
Like my words are written
They can shine a stage to glisten
Let's take one scene but we need more you know what you're
getting into you have been reading all the scores. This is not a sweet thing smores what so you want if you were hired to be in a scene check this out I left a Actors seat
Coop Lee Sep 2015
those outtakes after dusk.
those you & me girl / high on the distillation of living trees.

we balance our bodies
over the edge of a creek
******* for minerals
&/or wet peels of gold.

fruit of pine
& animal fat for flavor,
you jump stumps &
stretch lungs to worship.
Big Virge Dec 2018
I miss the ... " Simple Things " ... !!!  
Like my ex-girlfriends' kiss ...  
The touch of her ... " Lips " ...  
and her ... " Shapely **** " ... !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  

But .....  
I DON'T Miss ... THIS ... !!!!!  
  
Emotional Tricks ...  
just to give me a ... KICK ... !!!  
  
Well .....  
She's Now ... " Kicked The Habit " ...  
of ... " Licking My **** " ... !!!  
  
She's had enough of ... MY WAYS ...  
and things that ... I say ...  
  
But .....  
" Check " ... this insight ...  
  
I could say what I liked ...  
if I licked her **** ... RIGHT ... !!!!!  
  
Okay ... THAT'S ENOUGH ... !!!!!!!!  
of that ... ****** type stuff ...  
  
I Also ... Miss Things ...  
WITHOUT ... such a ... " Sting " ...  
  
Like being ... " Just Three " ...  
Running Wild ... like a tree ...  
or ... watching the fights ...  
of ... " Muhammad Ali " ... !!!  
  
cos' ...  
He had ... " A Sting " ...  
that ... "Fit In" ... poetry ...  
  
"Float like a butterfly,  
sting like a bee !"  
  
Doesn't sound quite as good ...  
from a brother .... like me .... !!!!!  
  
I'm repeating ... " His Words " ...  
cos' his words ... Inject Me ...  
with poetry built from ...  
  
..... " Philosophy " .....  
  
My Philosophy's ... THIS ...  
  
" Something " ... that you miss ...  
Reflects what you ... LIKE ...  
  
That's Why You ... MISS IT ... !!!  
  
I Don't Miss ... The ******* ... !!!!  
Who ... Try to Enlist ...  
  
The use of ... " Their **** " ...  
to take ... Advantage ... !!!! ...  
  
I MISS ... " MY MUM " ... !!!  
  
cos'  She was ... THE ONE ...  
Who REALLY ... took time ...  
To Give Love to ... Her Son ... !!!!  
  
While daddy just ... RUN ... !!!  
When Mummy Took Sick ...  
cos' ... He couldn't handle ...  
That ... " Situation " ....  
  
But .....  
Even through that ...  
  
I do still ... Miss My Dad ...  
when I think of the times ...  
  He'd laugh with ... " His Lad " ...  
  
But When I think back ...  
and look at us ... NOW ...  
  
The place we're now at ...  
brings back the ... Harsh Fact ... !!!!!  
that right now ... I don't even ...  
..... Speak to My Dad ..... !!!!!  
  
I Miss ... " The Old Days " ...  
when I was ... a kid ...  
  
When fighting was something ...  
Kids did with ... Their FIST ...  
  
It's NOT ... !!!!!  
" Fighting " ... I miss ... !!!  
  
But the ...  
" Ideal " ... of this ...  
  
Kids ...  
SHOULDN'T ... Now die ...  
on streets ... cos' of Fights ... !!!!!  
  
But ...  
That's what I see ...  
in the eyes of ... Young Guys ...  
  
They're ... " Ready to **** " ...  
and .... " Ready to Die " ....  
  
Just for .... A Piece ....  
of ... " POISON-FILLED PIE " ... !!?!!  
  
Listen Up ... CLOSE ...  
  Can you hear the ... WAR CRY ... ?!?  
  
If you hear what i'm saying ... ?  
ANSWER ME ... THIS ... !?! ...  
  
Which government man ... ?  
sends his children to fight ... ?!?  
  
Whatever your answer ...  
They've got ... " Their Supply " ...  
of .... DESPERATE YOUTH .... !!!!!!!  
  
COMPELLED ... to comply ... !!!  
  
I Miss ... The days ...  
with ... No Cameras in view ...  
  
When ...  
" Big Brother " ... Couldn't just ...  
.... " TELEVISE YOU " ... !!!  
  
When ...  Evidence gathered ...  
Had ... " Physical Proof " ... !!!  
  
and Could Not be ... " Constructed " ...  
by ... " I.T. " ... Type Tools ...  
  
cos' Everything viewed ...  
Through ... " Technological Tools " ...  
could be .... " Falsified " .... ?!? ....  
  
and ...
May Not be ... TRUE ... ?!?  
  
Just think about ......  
TV Outtakes ... You Laugh Through ... !!!  
  
21 TAKES ..... !!!  
to convey ... A mere line ... !!?!!  
  
But ... when the show's aired ...  
Seems like the ... First Time ... !!!!!  
  The director said ...  
  
"Cut, we're done now, that's fine !"  
  
THIS ... it would seem ... ?  
is ... " Our Future " ... DEFINED ...  
  
Mistakes are part of ...  
.... ALL OF US .... !!!  
Look THROUGH ...  
New ... " Fake Designs " ...  
  
NEVER FORGET ... !!!!!  
Your Own ... " Pastimes " ...  
  
You Don't Know What You'll ... Find ... ?  
in the .... " Annals of Your Mind " ....  
  
We Keep ... " Looking Forward " ...  
but rarely ..... " Look Back " .....  
  
I Try to ... " Look Back " ...  
cos' it ... Keeps me ... ON TRACK ... !!!  
  
and .....  
Keeps me ... " Equipped " ...  
to deal with ... " My Issues " ...  
Through ... " Poetic Scripts " ...  
  
So PLEASE ...  
Don't ......................... dismiss ...  
  
Sometimes .... " Reminisce " ....  
and remind yourself ... DAILY ...  
  
of ......  
  
" Things That You Miss " .................
Looking back makes you reminisce on these things, from time to time.........
Ryan Bowdish Jun 2011
Johnson, go ahead and holster your weapon:
The threat here is long gone.
My body used to be a temple,
Now it's more like a time bomb.
My words are honest outbreaks,
...My list of fears is long.
And after-hours of outtakes
Lead me to this song...

There are days when I want to be you
Days when I don't want to be, there are
Long nights of lonely reminders
Of what you mean to me.
There are times when I freeze myself to the bed-frame
And convince myself I'm free
And sometimes it seems convincing:
The idea of you leaving.

No. This is not the end, I fear, my love.
No. This is just the tip of the iceberg.
Yes. And when the tears begin to pile up.
I will give you this friendly reminder:

I've dropped all sorts of crutches, I've had all sorts of dreams
I've felt the tension in you when you resented me.
Threw my brain at all my problems and now I'm truly free.
Free to be alone when I don't want to be:

I painted this for you. I painted this for me.
This glass is like a mirror defining unity.
No more shaking heads, just laughing silently...
I won't put out these searchlights.
I love you, still, Dear, E.
For Emma.
Satan behind me who had wined
and then dined me on visions of
empires, the outtakes of inferno
and he said,
'will you go to make me a fortune?'
Soon,
when the wind turned red and fields into mud,
and those left drew breath and those that could stand,
stood,
Satan clapped his hands and danced a merry jig and
this pig in a poke understood the joke told,
the dead don't get old,
'lest we forget'
it's the living that do
remembering
the few.
The Thorazine cocktail is a mean and nasty drink
Chemical sludge, black as hell's deepest dungeon
Enriched with the power of Mighty Thor's hammer
To smash your fragile brain pan and leave your senses numb
Belly up to the bar, boys
Jack Daniels is a school boy writing fifty time I must not
Jim Beam is a bully but he only picks on weaker spirits
80 proof ain't a ******* thang
Thorazine puts them all to shame
Explore new dimensions of bitterness
The Thorazine cocktail is a wrecking ball
You never develop a feel for it
No, it always tastes like half baked death
And smells a pungent metallic drift
Dead animals on the highway, rotting in the sun
Knock 'er back, Jack, drink it to the dregs
The dude in white thinks it's funny when you beg
You plead to take it away, how it's ******* with your head
You can't even remember what any of the voices said
You must be well, Old Jacky boy, don't need it anymore
Then again these things are weird, you can never be too sure
The dude with the cups seems to think it's not time
To kick it cold turkey, the order's been signed
So you might as well resign yourself
To the sledgehammer's blow this fine summer's eve
And shuffle away like a zombie
Hey look, that old John Huston movie about the Bible is on the television in the day room
It's just getting started, the creation scene like outtakes from the last ten minutes of 2001: A Space Odyssey
Isn't that a coincidence?
Doesn't that make a lot of sense?
Jack, you might as well be tripping on Owsley's personal stash
We ran guns for the fun of it
drank tequila for the hell of it,
youth?
we got rid of it along
with the green shield stamps,

but now they're seeking us
they have the green light
and the right to terminate us
what did us do wrong?

Being elderly?
it was sold to me
by a nice man on Petticoat Lane
but
if I see him again
I'll give him a tongue lashing
a full on ear bashing,

it's not what it should be
and by it I mean
being elderly.

can't trust a spiv.
Lauren Gorger Jul 2015
**** your condescending words, dripping out of your mouth with false justification, while your left hand leaves your side to crash down on the entirety of me.
With this mindset, it'd never be right to have the upper hand on me.
You deceive your right hand man.
**** your demeaning doubts that you place upon my mind, begging to come in and destroy the art I have displayed inside.
I did not cry out for you, so why are you here? Speaking of which, I remember when my cries drove you to steer far from anything that might be near my heart.
You don't get to see me fall apart.
You don't get to see me tear down the art away from its poetic position, just so you can place it in a box and treat it like its garage  sale quality.
I get to have all of me.
**** your motives ulterior that are just as superficial as your leather interior.
**** being inferior to the ones who cannot function if they're not superior.
I've been living on my feet for the sake of time, and you're only getting off your knees because you're out of it.
**** being distant from truth because you don't like the sound of it.
Drown a bit in the waters of self-confrontation, and choke on the paralyzed verbs you throw at the population.
**** validation.
**** your accusations.
And **** being mistaken when the step you've taken is only a misstep.
You are not your mistakes.
So **** letting the outtakes paint the scenery of your film.
My patience is wearing thin like a film on the edge of an outdated window seal.
**** making me feel something that was never real because your seal was never sealed tight enough, ******* in cold nights when you didn't write enough.
Riled up in silence with a heart beating violent...
**** allowing your chest to become the battlefield and letting stress feed your diet.
I've tried it and tried it, but today I say...

**** being quiet.
Romance for me is about moments of connection
to feel something larger than myself
To witness the cosmos in and from the eyes of another
To be vulnerable, raw, wild, honest, open, books of discovery
Moments that make me feel deep and lush
Hypnotic. A whispered word. A brush of skin. Shared desires.
Late nights. Moon light. Inside jokes. Thoughtful words.
Laughter. Fireworks. Fireflies. Campfires. Rainy days in.
Pillow fights. Pranks. Trust. Live music. Cold beer.
Carnivals. Confidence. Honesty. Legos. Little round ice cubes.
Sledding. Gingersnaps. Aggressive Sports. Motorcycles.
Clean lines. The horizon. Walks. Avocados. Wine. Bare feet.
Morbidity. Sarcasm. Wit. Presence. Midnight. Open arms.
Yellow Curry. Coloring. Puzzles. Abandoned Places.
White chocolate. Fruit jellies from Germany. Motown. Violins.
Art Nouveau. Intimacy. Decorum. Curiosity. Metallurgy.
Alchemy. A well told story. Absurdity. Whimsy. Shade. Shadows.
Things that are slightly off. Heavy blankets. Bubbles. Silhouettes.
Glitter. Smirks. Poise. Grace. The melody in a laugh.
The blush of cheeks. The thought in a touch. Poise. Grace.
Night time insect and frog lullabies. Autumn Forests.
The way a hummingbirds and dragonflies fly. Outtakes. Freckles.
Tickles. Rain. Fog. Strangers. Dancing. Finger foods.
Warm apple cider. Open windows.  Wood wind chimes.
Squishing my toes in dirt. The moment a smile begins.
Mood lighting. Candles. String lights. Sherbert. Snuggles.
Warming my **** by a fire and sitting down fast. Treasure.
Lightning. Beethoven. *******. Challenges. Delayed Gratification.
Desired anticipation. Seduction. The wind. Cedar chests. Calliopes.
Austria. Vistas. Fingertips. Dangling my feet. Whispers. Spirals.
Just keeping a list. Don't mind me
Sam Temple Jul 2014
slowly building
towards a stress crescendo
soft winds picking up volume
undiagnosed weight pressing
smashed face pressed against
unpaid bill pile
drool
staining the pain bringers –
death and illness become the standard
conversation
each attempting to outdo the other
with a more tragic tale
woe is a me-bop
set to ancient Traffic outtakes –
unable to wipe away the angst
no matter how many times
rough hands
clasp
worried eye ridges
molding cheek skin like a child with new clay
praying the answers will fall from a pore
worry lines hide youth
adult life ***** vitality
Daniel Lewis, “drainage” –
Broke from the universal chain, see how many that could hang,
Check the vocals that bang, chips beginning to stang, boomerang,
See me back at it again, flows coping deep into ya mental,
Scripts like a serial, killer filler, moves like thriller, no filter,
This the styles, of the oldie swords with, more tactics than Shinobi,
Haters below me, while a smoke a benzie, tire moving rapidly,
On the highway, thinking of ways, to make a pay, stop at the tre,
My home near the Astrodome, welcome to texas, home,
Of the blades and chrome's, entered another zone, know I'm prone,
Ripping mics, like Jordan eat hot wings, with a touch of Borden,
Ain't none, out soaring scoring, more points, over publishing,
Siblings, know better who's the go getter, funky with mozzarella,
Dance with Cinderellas, before the midnight strikes, likes,
By the radio, saying there he go, flipping rhymes *******,
For sure, pure and raw, as honey, glaring from, the sunny,
Far from funny, mafia **** coldest hits, when the barrel spits,
Splits,ya anatomy who these cats, that' tried to battle me, cry me,
A river, of blood, **** these fake *** young thugs, stuck on drugs,
Give em a blessing, from passed down lessons, you stressing,
Auto tuning, too much, time for me, to perform in the 4 quarter clutch,
Like Horry, at the top, of the center or the inner, corner spinner,
Fools cant hang, hit minds like scorpion pains, drains,
Ya positivity, feel the adrenaline, of the live negativity, reality,
Sinks deeper than an ocean, still coating, rhymes for ya mind,
I'll still grind, reading the rainbows, taught me how to define,
Real against the fake, watch the snakes, of the wicked jakes,
See the outtakes, of the stakes, more souls, on an outbreak,
Watch the virus, moves like a eel cop haters, who dont feel,
Set it off, like Latifah but ain't no dying, in this scene fiends,
Knocking at the door cuz they want more, as I polish the earth's core,
Knocking at the door cuz they want more, as I polish the earth's core,
Yenson Aug 2019
I was watching the Stupidest Outtakes on Tv
howling with laughter at stupid acts and deeds
the stupid listener next door knocked and asked
why was I weeping, I replied I saw them on TV.
When there isn't a song that will soothe you
and your head's filled with clatter and din,
when the words of the poets won't move you
and a war rages on deep within.

Take a moment to look at your showreel
all the best bits, the outtakes and flops,
all the things that you loved and then hated,
all the lovers you loved and then lost.

All the mix tapes you ever recorded
and the posters you had on your walls,
all the first times, the last times, the heartbreaks
all your triumphs, the fights and the falls.

Like the song you heard once on the radio
that caused an obsession to start,
or the novel they said you were bound to enjoy
that ended up breaking your heart.

A life is well lived if you live it,
and death takes its toll on us all
Make the time, take a risk, grasp the nettle,
take a leap, do your thing, have a ball!
Scene one
take two,
you awake?

he sleeps on
the world's gone to hell
in a handcart,

dreams of starting tomorrow
with a bang.

They
put the camera away
leaving the outtakes for
the wolves.

This is probably
the intermission
or a
nocturnal emission

here's to wishin'.

— The End —