So my father,
he goes into the store to buy his $10 a pack for cancer
while he still attempts to hide his addictions from my sister and I.
Now I don't think it would bother me oh so much
but his frugal attempts to sweep the dust under the rug is like using a mop instead of a broom...
We see the crumbs leading to your door from the cookie jar.
Yes, we all have flaws, but you,
you
weave shamefully through the under layers of darkness, devoid of any resemblance to a heavenly nature, you fall like a night creature weaseling through crooked creaky cement alleyways, your gremlin spirit set ablaze.

LIFE, I revel and roll within the taste of each second, I run the grain of life across my tongue until saliva fills the creases and far reached corners of my mouth. I tap my finger to my lips like a true virtuoso, a connoisseur of life. Life.

My father's addictions completely derail me,
not even so the notion itself, I mean yes, but his blatantly obvious ways of avoiding confrontation not only from us, but also from himself.
Like Pinocchio's nose, my fathers back gets hunched more and more, his breath quickens when we draw close.
Father you are not prey, in fact if there be a predator, it is you unto yourself. I can no longer help but to roll my eyes when you tell me for the fourth time in the day that you must take out the trash so as to have a smoke.
I am fed up, excuse me sir, the trash will still be there no matter how many times you take out the "trash" .
The only "thing" that won't be left after you're repeated offenses of the benign chore will be you're dignity because you are so naive and ignorant in the way you dodge truth. How can you live respectfully when you don't respect yourself? Nor do you value what you are spitting out to your own daughters.
I am addicted to life,
I breathe it in with passion,
I embrace the truth within me
and have an eagerness to expand my wisdom.
How come father you do something that you know is a betrayal to yourself? How come you hide away in that old bar, the one with the flashing(flickering) light on the outside, dingy worn out red leather(plastic)booths on the inside, the bar located in some musty  little hole in you're brain and a blind spot on you're heart.
You sit in the back in a lonesome booth slumped like some chump, stuck in a stump, you ooze and wheeze not even grasping for air, no fight left within, you are like mucus, a toad melting into the ground. Sinister and swindling in the greed of you're gut. Your ***** mopey yellow eyes and the shameful acceptance as you indulge in the baths of life's luxuries whilst you poison your body, trash what you hold dear and continue to block out that little annoying voice.
The voice with the cracks in it,
worn out from you're games, the voice that nags and pleads. The one that catches you before you order another round, take another smoke break, the one that pulls you, tantalizes you with it's simple sweet natural charm in hopes of distracting you from your self harming ways.
The voice that chimes in the second you raise your fist to punch me. The voice that is screaming at you when you lock eyes with mine and can see my fear.
Yeah that voice, the little punk one that returns even after the crime of your actions has been committed.
After the music stops and it's just you and the world.
but even then
I don't think you will hear it.
You're living on the edge of the pavement father.
No you wont hear that voice, not when you're twisted and contorted into the sideways way of things. You killed that voice long ago, when you wound yourself deeper and deeper like a clock in time,
when you twirled yourself into that little empty pub, with a quiet pool table, with no hope, a sanctum of greed.
Yes, you're guilty, yes it was you.
It was you who killed the voice inside of yourself.
You killed it when you traded
your dignity and your truth
for yet another
$10 dollar pack of
emptiness,
lies,
and forfiet.

The sun's in it's own shade
and it's getting cold down on the soil
Where my feet are firmly planted
as I watch all the birds fly up toward the heat
The trees are doing the same, and even the giraffes
grew out their necks so they could still eat
laughing all the while at us mopey land dwellers
feet stuck to the soil
so i smoke cigarettes, and watch the time pass
it's all growing in a direction i cannot follow
the sun's in it's own shade
to change the way of the world.

It's a love hate
Crazy kinda thing
Love you like crazy
Hate your decisions

You are amazing
Sharp as a tack
Cuddly as a kitten
And full of surprises

But you choose so crazy
Hunting on holidays
Missing family events
Disappearing mysteriously

You run to Ozona
Just for a buck
You come home all mopey
Cause you missed me alot

Once and a while
that's fine with me
But give me a chance
To get us in too

Its love hate
I love you I hate them
They pull us apart
From where we are

They try to divide us
So we fight a lot
You pick them
Over me

I thought I was with you
Not all of them
They push me out
And you don't care

There's too many battles
That rage in your head
Me or them
Choose? I wont make you

Trust issues
Even abandonment
scar your insides
So you constantly hurt

I'm not her though
I won't go
I stay till you say
To go far away

You don't believe
Trust is hard
Keep me in mind
See how it goes

I back you up
No matter what
I don't question you
Like you interrogate me

So its still love hate
I love you yes
But I hats the way
That everything else is first.

O          
O
          O
                      O
         ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~O~~~~~~
                                                      O        
---------

The above is my rendition of a famous DUCHAMP
painting entitled

SUN DESCENDING OVER THE WATER

---------

Lovers

The silken semblance of true embrace

She leaves she returns

1000 lives in every vision
1000 strong the children are before the tide

••

I read your mopey weepy poems of love gone wrong!

I laugh at all the tears you pretend to cry
For Love is not so weak !

Love is not born nor can it die

••

Perhaps you have been watching too many phony videos
on MTV !

How is it you treat love like you are " gunning them
down" as if you are playing a video game !!

••

Oh such funny funny love !

Weird as can be !

••

The mother races into the fire to save the child

The father stands guard at war's gate

The young boy and girl walk proudly thru any and every
form of hate

and stand together

Unpossessively

••

You write of love trapped and wrapped in ugly jealousies !

(CRAZY KIDS !)

••

Well

Here we are again

One of the 1000 visions

Here we are

STRONG OR WEAK

••

Only love is real

Always true

Can't be faked

I remember when we first began
You was there every single day
Staying by my side
Little did I know you was gonna be my ride or die
Everyday I came outta high school sad and mopey
You came to my crib with a rollie
We lit it and smoked and also joked
I noticed that you wasnt getting any messages or calls
All of your attention was on me I was so appalled
From kisses to becoming ya misses
Long talks with long tokes
Getting high to ease the pain and slowly it went away and you were there for everything
I let you sweep me off my feet and  claimed you as mines
Best friends slowly intertwined
Sweet love our very first time
You started off with a massage and then we started to grind
6 years in and you're still on my mind
Fresh in my brain like it hasnt been some time
Love so sweet
Looking at your face makes my heart beat faster times 10
Still feel the butterflies while your kissing on my neckline
❣️