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matt d mattson Sep 2020
light traces the dim back wall
left to right

my sink drips
and taps

children play in the small courtyard outside my window

for a while im cold
and lay under the blanket,
later im hot
and lay in my underwear

as the light from the window on the back wall dims
i turn a light on
and lay down again,

i don't even have the energy to stare at my phone
the day passes and i have hope
that tomorrow ill get up
matt d mattson May 2020
A few words from you
are like spring water
glistening in the dry desert sun
promise of relief
memories of cool foggy mountains
and rivers that flow forever

Like a seed buried in the dark earth
cracking its hard shell
seeking to grow
and become something great

My soul hasn't forgotten
My love hasn't died

I know it's not something you want
or are looking for from me
I won't burden you with it

But a few words from you
brings the sun into my day
matt d mattson Apr 2020
You owe me nothing
I can take nothing from you that should be mine
You are utterly and completely your own
But like the sun
The ray's of your light
Give light to my life
I have gratitude
But no entitlement
I feel Joy when you shine
But I am not a plant who needs you to survive
I will live regardless
But oh how beautiful the world is when you shine on it
matt d mattson Mar 2020
Death is casual
It happens everyday
It happens when you turn your back for a second,
When you aren't even looking

Especially when you aren't looking,
when you're so wrapped up in something
that the rest of the world doesn't matter
when your world is perched on the teetering edge
of a finite solution
smashing yourself against the blunt rock of the world
trying to change something

And sometimes it comes when nothing is going on
when you're sitting on the toilet,
Watching cat videos

And suddenly your reliable heart stops sending the blood where it needs to go

Sometimes death takes you in the morning
waiting at the traffic light
for the little walking man to come on,
And the car that shouldn't be on top of you
suddenly is
and so is death

Death is in the broken flesh of the meat suit
that was you
Death is in the tears, and the choked words
of the people who knew you
Death is also in the shrug of your aquaintances
who hear of you in passing
And wish they felt sad about it

Death is in everything you do
Death is in the seconds
ticking cheerfully along
They aren't sad seconds
It's just time
And death is just death

It happens to everything
To everyone
The greenland shark swims for 400 years
before he meets death
The Galapagos Tortoise can live for up to 170 years
before he stops crawling through the world
The female mayflie lives 5 minutes
Once the larval stage is finished
And the new eggs are laid
And death is put at bay
For the season, and 5 days

Death comes
That's life
Live it
Until then
matt d mattson Feb 2020
I liked you
I sometimes still check your Instagram
I almost liked a post

I liked you
I'm lonely
Sitting in this place
With this phone

I don't want to date you again
It was right that we parted ways
I like that we did so with so much respect and kindness.

I don't want to date you
But sometimes I look at your Instagram when I'm lonely
And wish everything was not as it was
So that we could be what we aren't
matt d mattson Feb 2020
To the unloved children of the dark streets
I don't hate you
I can't judge you
I walk past your crumpled form
Sandwiched in the crevice with an old sleeping bag
I have only empathy
I can't fix you
I don't even know what needs fixing
Maybe you just need money
Maybe it's deeper

I lack the resources to fix the world
So that you and others aren't sleeping on the street
I'll give you food if I have it
Sunblock in the summer to protect your vulnerable skin
A coat in the winter
I can help protect your physical body
From the assaults of nature

I wish I could soothe your soul
I know in my heart that we aren't that different
But, I try very hard to never be you
matt d mattson Feb 2020
I knew a man who was not me
Not the whole specifically
Or not the me that you would see
Who youd call you
If you were sitting next to me

This man I knew
Was an I of mine
I had my mouth
My eyes, my hair
I had my legs and arms
And the body that I liked
But the I, I knew
As I said was not me
This I thought that he was better than the I I am
This I, didn't have the extra 12kg that existed when I wasn't posing in the mirror
This I, I knew only said witty clever things
Never mean, or petty
Nor plain mundane
The I, I knew was faster than, the I I am and stronger to
This I was always perfectly kind and considerate to all of my friends almost all of the time
The I, I knew was wise and kind and smart and worked harder than everyone else at work
And was interesting and handsome
Oh I wish I was the I I sometimes think I am
But there are many I's inside of me
And many eyes are watching me
And I'm only him sporadically
I am only always ever me
But still sometimes
I take myself too seriously
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