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Back in the dark
In the past before the printed word
Before ink and feathered pens
Even before the cuneiform on tablets of soft clay
In the dark when monsters hunted us When cold would **** so many
When food was life itself
And starvation was part of life

I heard the howling of the wolves who became dogs

I heard the deep singing, and drums beating through the air under a deep blue sky covered in bright stars so thick it looked like milk being poured by some great giant

I felt the beat as a heart that sang of the need to come together
And in the song of the wolves that became dogs I heard the words that journeyed into the night

Come family, come together, come family
We are more together,
We survive together
We grow great together

Come family come to me
The night is dark
But it is not cold if you are here
It is not lonely

I do not howl into the night
But instead I sing
Come family, come together
We are strong together
Together we are more
I took a multitude of universes from you
An infinite series of possible other yous
Each completing a life different from this one.
I can't give them back
You only ever do just get the one

But I look in the eyes of the old wives
And hidden in their words
Is the mourning for all the lives they couldn't live

And so I know what it means when you chose me.
Every day
I will not waste your life
I want to say
That each day
I will make the multiverse of you jealous that they don't live this exact life
But I know how life is,
So I can't promise a perfect life
I can only promise
That each day I will try
Forgive me when I think of lovers past

My heart is big, like a great house,
Like everyone's heart
The best rooms are yours,
The largest rooms are for you
The brightest, with the most sunlight are the ones where you are
Your voice echoes through them like music and the morning call of songbirds
But like a great house, long in its leaning
There are rooms not often used,
Rooms of memory
With dust and cobwebs, and shadow
That's where she lives,
If I go there and lift a sheet to reminisce over an old picture
Don't imagine I would invite her back to live
Someday those rooms too will be yours,
I am still rebuilding
It takes time to remodel a heart
matt d mattson Sep 2021
Here I am in this photograph
Let me exist
For a moment in front of you
Here I am in this exact moment

Dissolve the pretense of the present
Roll back the subtle layers
That we wrap around ourselves
To protect our fragile selves from the judgment of existence

You watching now do not know
What lengths we went to
What spells we wrought
To justify in our minds
The choices that lead us
To places that didn't yet exist.

Step into my soft worn shoes
Imagine them stiff and new
See me, not aged not tired
See me absurd and unsure
See me
And know time is cruel
And mankind foolish

Forgive me.
For someday
Someone will see your picture
Be kind
matt d mattson Sep 2020
light traces the dim back wall
left to right

my sink drips
and taps

children play in the small courtyard outside my window

for a while im cold
and lay under the blanket,
later im hot
and lay in my underwear

as the light from the window on the back wall dims
i turn a light on
and lay down again,

i don't even have the energy to stare at my phone
the day passes and i have hope
that tomorrow ill get up
matt d mattson May 2020
A few words from you
are like spring water
glistening in the dry desert sun
promise of relief
memories of cool foggy mountains
and rivers that flow forever

Like a seed buried in the dark earth
cracking its hard shell
seeking to grow
and become something great

My soul hasn't forgotten
My love hasn't died

I know it's not something you want
or are looking for from me
I won't burden you with it

But a few words from you
brings the sun into my day
matt d mattson Apr 2020
You owe me nothing
I can take nothing from you that should be mine
You are utterly and completely your own
But like the sun
The ray's of your light
Give light to my life
I have gratitude
But no entitlement
I feel Joy when you shine
But I am not a plant who needs you to survive
I will live regardless
But oh how beautiful the world is when you shine on it
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