1967 san francisco is transformed into city of missing children haight ashbury brims with scraggly orphans thousands sit on street curbs live in cars hang out on floors of shops roam streets parks sleep on sidewalks unthinkable social cultural phenomenon Odysseus embraces madness walking through different neighborhoods going without food sleep in golden gate park floral smells so strong he can taste flowers kids openly pass joints acid doses trip dance make music laugh Odysseus is risk-taker but he is not street smart along with flocks of totally wasted kids street hustlers abound Odysseus sets down backpack beside eucalyptus tree rests when he wakes backpack is gone he is penniless disconnected hitchhikes across bay to berkeley less congested more manageable meets some runaways like him but not like him they squatter in abandoned house off telegraph avenue maybe 20 hippies crashing in house Odysseus adopts enormous closet hidden in back bedroom as his space has small window feels like sanctuary sometimes he comes home finds 5 or 6 kids sleeping in closet in a way people in house become his family tribe some of people are suspicious especially older secretive man with 2 tongue-tied underage girls whom he claims are his daughters Odysseus suspects veiled ****** exploitation girls are lovely yet behave frightened repressed life on street does not come easy telegraph avenue overflows with lost souls searching to hook-up fragrance of frankincense drifts amidst music drug deals rip-offs bullying brawls hierarchy from hell’s angels down Odysseus stays high dances sometimes panhandles “i live in commune with 2 pregnant girls” whatever cash he collects scores acid **** subsists on diet of gum candy sunflower pumpkin seeds sometimes ketchup with french fries his acne crescendos he learns if he drops acid daily by third or fourth day he cannot get off no matter how much he doses tries peyote cactus buttons after waiting nearly hour to get off he suffers stomachache dizziness projectile vomits finally flies into freaky hallucinations he swallows mescaline capsules feels sick to his stomach forgets about his nausea trips for 9 hours tries psilocybin mushrooms laughing straight through night experiments with stp trips for 3 days Bobby Stern and Martha Quigley come out from chicago to visit they are curious about the scene need to hook up Odysseus introduces them to his friends shows them telegraph avenue he turns and they have vanished he does not know where they have gone everybody is losing everybody new kids show up everyday oakland **** named red rat kidnaps Martha is heiress from distinguished chicago family their disappearance makes chicago papers after week Bobby and Martha manage to escape they never reveal to Odysseus what red rat did to them radio plays doors’ “light my fire” and jimi hendrix’s "purple haze" Odysseus has crush on beautiful blonde Patty she  ran off for summer from her parent’s home in sunset section of san francisco Odysseus and Patty hang out go see country joe and fish in provo park on sundays hitchhike into city watch Jefferson Airplane play for free in golden gate park hitchhike to marin see Grateful Dead jam at muir beach dude hands out free acid Odysseus is total acidhead acid reveals everything in new intensified light *** on acid is beyond *** wilder than *** more primal *** so intense it transcends limits of eroticism acid helps Odysseus realize his true self his pain sadness tears lies crazy-*** side first tingling tremors in stomach chest hands then initial flashes of sparkle traces of color echoes of giggling laughter lucid thoughts sometimes he swallows such large doses all he can do is stare out at white light what is it about massive hits of acid? measure of how fierce his spirit? self-punishment? escapism? he wonders why he so desperately needs to escape from what whom? himself? Mom’s numerous efforts to convince him he is mentally disturbed? Dad’s fists? escape from real world to where? Odysseus hangs with Pluto skinny 16 year old ****-addict golden wavy hair rotting teeth finesse with girls Pluto claims crystal **** enhances *** more than acid needles frighten Odysseus he lets one of Pluto’s girls hit him up with methamphetamine feels sudden overwhelming rush through head body forgets about needle before it ever leaves his arm having been initiated Odysseus begins scoring with Pluto’s girls Pluto knows tons of girls Odysseus loves feeling numb free being out of control not giving a **** getting ****** ****** by pretty girl if he could have his way he would go from ****** to ****** with pretty girl all day every day deep in drug induced state because drugs lower inhibitions allow them to explore some sick disgusting stuff that is paradise for Odysseus he is rapidly slipping into street life drug addiction wakes up with ants crawling in his hair witnesses numerous fights freak-outs 2 different kids o.d. while he is present lots of creepy stuff  by early august realizes he might wind up dead soon or rotting like Pluto Odysseus has spirit but troubled by what he sees troubled enough to return home go back to school he feels lost desperate alone not thinking plots drug deal swindle double-crosses some people guilt and shame for conning people haunts him for years he gives Pluto half the money tells him to share with Patty with his cut buys ticket back to chicago Penelope is first to greet him she gives him big hug comments “you need a shower and shave real bad!” his hair is wild scraggly beard Odysseus holds on to her he has missed his little sister glad to be near her feels panicky his parents will punish him Mom and Dad are relieved but agitated their worry and shame at his flight have turned to anger resentment they rationalize he selfishly ran off merrymaking for 3 months they sternly make plans for his next semester while Odysseus was away in california Penelope has ****** ******* for first time in back seat of Jed Zurbeck's black pontiac Penelope in secret goes to see doctor for pregnancy test doctor recognizes Penelope’s last name calls house Odysseus answers phone doctor asks to speak with Mr. or Mrs. Schwartzpilgrim Mom picks up phone doctor informs her Penelope is pregnant all hell breaks loose doctor makes house call with Mom and Dad present offers 2 options for Penelope “you can be picked up by limousine on state street and blindfolded you will be taken to an undisclosed location where abortion procedure is performed then re-blindfolded and returned by limousine to state street or you can report incident as **** and get signatures of three physicians then have abortion in a hospital” Mom and Dad choose to report it as a **** fabricate story about Penelope walking home from school and being grabbed pulled into alley by black man who rapes her Penelope is made to tell lie three times deeply disturbs her after abortion is done in hospital Dad makes Penelope swear not to admit abortion to anyone insists she tell Jed Zurbeck she made up stupid lie and she was never really pregnant Penelope obeys and tells no one

When I was younger I was taught in school never to talk to strangers no matter how polite they look.
But they never taught me what to do when someone who isn’t a stranger kidnaps my heart and leaves me as an empty carcass.
Someone who I trusted the most…
And isn’t trust a funny word?
Especially to a child that is so easily manipulated.  
So quick to jump when a man needs help with a finding a lost puppy.
Or when they say your name in just the right way.
But once they are found dead in a wasteland is when they realize how foolish the word trust really is.
And if someone who kidnaps and kills is prosecuted why aren’t you?
Why aren’t you taking your seat on death row?
Oh right, Because I’m still breathing.
And causing someone to be dead on the inside isn’t a crime.
I was just one of your trophies and engraved on my back was a black and blue target for your flesh tone arrows
It was all just a game.
A game that isn’t fair when you stole what was the most important to me.
I let you hold on to my trust like a little girl would and you clenched your fist, letting me crumble.
What makes you think it’s acceptable to come back and ask for a second chance?
Another round?  
The little girl didn’t have a second chance to decline her offer.
The vile man didn’t have a second chance to leave the playground.
And I didn’t have a second chance to keep my self locked up tight or refuse you to touch me in that way even though you said it was “okay” because “loved me”
And with a love like that you didn’t need to ask right?
All I know is if I there was a way I could go back to that night where you asked me to dinner I would say “Sorry, I don’t talk to strangers.”

Trembling in my bed tonight
I cannot close my eyes
The movie on the late, late show
Says everybody dies

Now some say I'm a scaredy cat
But tonight is Halloween
What if someone kidnaps me,
And tries to eat my spleen?

I know there's no great pumpkin
Okay, maybe there is
What if he puts a spell on me,
And tries to make me his?

And I think that there's a monster
Who lives beneath my bed
I shiver and shake and stay awake
With covers over my head

There's something outside my window
And shadows on my wall
I think I hear some rattling chains
From the ghosts that's in the hall

Right then I hear this eerie voice
And feel this clammy hand
My wife says, "Hush and go to sleep,
You're supposed to be a man"

All I ask is an antidote allowing all adults around the atmospher an appointment about arguing.
Because brother basic bodies are bound to believe bragging & bribing basically being broad brings about the best. But be
Cautious, cause carpets can't carry couches alone, concrete creeps. Causing careless catholic christians to create children.
Don't **** the deranged, dedicate the distaste to the drugs. drinking, and dumb deeds that did it.
Even Eminem explains enternal emotions excellently.
For fear feeds frusttration, though frustration can find fun in fornitcation. Foul. Focus on friends and family.
Getting grouchy gonorrhea grants graves too gorgeous gilrs. Game over.
However, having ****** hardly helps handsome happy hands.
Indicating interesting intakes, involving inception in indecive individuals.
Just joking, jealousy just justifies Jose Cuervo.
Kinddling kindness kidnaps king kong's kingdom.
Learn like lovers, loathing little, liking largely, letting laughs live loudly.
Maning mold mountains out of mud, make missery monogamous with merry.
Never neglect the notion of nice.
Optimism overcomes others opinions.
Personally, persisting perfection probably puts pessimistic patterns in people's personalities.
Quietly questioning their quality.
Rest assured reading random reactions really is redundant.
Searching someones soul secretely sends self salvation.
Take turns, tell truths, talk, these things take time, they are talents to be treasured.
Understanding ultimatums unlocks unlimited unison.

Blown glass heartbeat,

With an extension cord, the vibrations are distancing themselves,

Between macabre and *** luck and **** luck- And affection-

Are heirlooms cry of antique tears.

San Francisco Chronicle:

“Boeing kidnaps…”

And my soul bottled up in an hour layover heist.

Boeing adult-naps.

Texas.

Texas.

Texas.

Amarillo beehive hair across the aisle, smoke and honey.

It stings my tongue, kisses my lungs, legs-crossed on the highest rung.

The Miller High Life-esque, reclining on a quarter moon.

Here we are, patience and mercy.

Here we are patience.

Here we are.

Here.

The idiosyncrasy of
the elasticity of
a heart
that knows how to mend,
bewilders the mind
of the drunken fool
who thinks that it is the end.

To ameliorate
his rate of devastate
he must look
to his celestial mother
who he not yet knows
and out of cool, still air
soon he will discover.

But the throttle of
the bottle that
he cradles
deep in all his grief
kidnaps his abilities
like a devious,
forlorn thief.

And soon then when
again he finds
another
to hold tight
his mother will have
shown to him
the beauty of her light.

I lay on the floor my soul dissolving and melting from me.
A pressure is pushing onto my heart, I can’t move, breathe or see.
How can I become muscle and bones?
So I can stop the seepage of life, the tears and the moans.
The sadness overpowers me and kidnaps my mind.
The weakness of my pathetic being is cruel and unkind.
I’m oozing away as each minute goes by
Drowning in sadness, I gasp for air and I cry.

Nails still chipped
cuticles still torn
a repetitive record of
how the days merge into
one another

She has her heart and
there is no amount of
distance or darkness that
kidnaps this heart
and steals it back to her

The world has taken her
into a territory she has met
with on several occasions and
still this rings of something
unknown, the first of love

Listening she hears her name
playing a song in her mind
distracting her from all that
a simple day offers her and
dominates her every thought

Biting her lips the blood
trickles out from an old scar
a war wound from her past
affairs.

The taste of blood soothes her
like the bite of a lover
one she has yet to
taste.

© Sia Jane

Cruelest is the man who sits and says nothing
Stand alone stare with a harrowing message
Or maybe it’s the poorest, crudest of man
Who we all brand as vicious, biting off hands
But then what of the angry indignant man
The one who feels drained with no moral compass
Moans and groans develops own brands of justice
Then there’s the soldier in all different shapes
Who plunders and kills or kidnaps and rapes
No words for the actions of each head of state
No words for the actions of the man who wont stand
No words for all those who play life at high stakes

Doesn’t life burn you when spending it thinking
So here we all are; fast living and sinking

I want someone to shake me
to kick me and wake me
and make me
shift.
Or is it a tonic I need?
something like 'Fisons' **** feed
I really don't know
but I want something in order that I might just get up and go
then
she slaps me
traps and kidnaps me and takes me away to some place
it's okay
but she want's to use me
to enslave me
please won't somebody save me
I promise I'll never complain ever again.

She comes back all dressed in black
and I on the rack am quite stunned by the look
please put my name in the
'I'm staying here book'
I promise I'll never complain ever again.

Emptiness kidnaps my heart
No one who cares
My memories of happiness go dark  Sleep will bring nightmares

Thoughts trap my mind
I can make it all end
But all eyes are blind
I just need a friend  

The lights seemed to flicker
But i had no more pain
When I pulled that trigger
I was happy again

The cold snow welcomes her
Envelopes her body
She sighs, fighting with herself
Who should win?
Life has been so harsh for her, the excitement is wearing thin
Yet if she did not have a purpose, why would she be here?
In the end she lets the snow win, because she has no fear
She loses herself in the cold
Always and forever to its power
It kidnaps her, and takes her to its lair
And never gives her back

And never gives me back

Trembling in my bed tonight
I cannot close my eyes
The movie on the late, late show
Says everybody dies

Now some say I'm a scaredy cat
But tonight is Halloween
What if someone kidnaps me,
And tries to eat my spleen?

I know there's no great pumpkin
Okay, maybe there is
What if he puts a spell on me,
And tries to make me his?

And I think that there's a monster
Who lives beneath my bed
I shiver and shake and stay awake
With covers over my head

There's something outside my window
And shadows on my wall
I think I hear some rattling chains
From the ghosts that's in the hall

Right then I hear this eerie voice
And feel this clammy hand
My wife says, "Hush and go to sleep,
You're supposed to be a man"

Heavy eyelids struggling to remain
Open, while as quilts they prepare
To shelter drying miotic pupils,
Grand drapes shutting before the stage

Of reality.

A tarnishing moon mists the mind
Attempting to try, to content temperamental
Will, keeper of infantile caprices finding sleep
Deprived of purpose, obstinately fighting

Biological clocks to stay awake, reluctant
To take the risk of missing, a moment,
That special interval of time, when
Everything happens and adults whisper.

Time that could be spent, to see, discover,
Imagine, create, and as I speculate
On all the things I could do instead,
Itchy feet resolve on dragging me to bed.

Lying down resilient still, I scribble
These words until Morpheus demands
Of me to drop my pen, unwilling to wait
A minute more he kidnaps me like gods

In ancient tragedies to realms
Of dreams where everything that doesn’t
Happen here, happens there.
Endless possibilities flying out

Of a whimsical ivory box.

Well, non-readers
would be more
less-poetic
While wrapping
my gift
around their heads
looking, of course,
the other way
taken
to be sold off
as lichens

Trembling in my bed tonight
I cannot close my eyes
The movie on the late, late show
Says everybody dies

Now some say I'm a scaredy cat
But tonight is Halloween
What if someone kidnaps me,
And tries to eat my spleen?

I know there's no great pumpkin
Okay, maybe there is
What if he puts a spell on me,
And tries to make me his?

And I think that there's a monster
Who lives beneath my bed
I shiver and shake and stay awake
With covers over my head

There's something outside my window
And shadows on my wall
I think I hear some rattling chains
From the ghosts that's in the hall

Right then I hear this eerie voice
And feel this clammy hand
My wife says, "Hush and go to sleep,
You're supposed to be a man"

Pills,vials and half lifes
Have left my mind hiding in tablet bottles. ..
Making love to the sweet torment of depressions ***** that i have grown to call home

The worthlessness knocks at my  door after a test..I don't open it
It creeps in after a quiz
Creeps after the lecture
Creeps in and kidnaps my mind

I am soaring with no place of rest my mind has become a beautiful graveyard...with the tombstones of self esteem, confidence and will to live ,who all died the same day,lie there side by side

I never unattended their funerals, I was too busy mourning under my sheets
Mourning in nightmares and perfect dreams
Mourning at my wedding ...
I suckled at the breast of sadness,yesterday wrote in his memoir...

Addendum:have you ever been niether dead nor alive?

Chorus
Who's got the thing to help us all feel sound
and after all of that help us to come around
who's got the thing to keep us in the middle
in case we feel the need to get up or down  
Where is this thing that can take the mind higher
and ease up on the loss of the souls' desire
burning dark memories faster than fire

where is this thing that kidnaps motivation
then drops us at an imaginary station
What is this thing that rules the low skies
while finding any reason to hypnotize

what is this thing that tries to fake surprise
and only ask questions of when's and why's
The answer lies in the now of eternity
even then some still wonder and plot
even the spies in this dark fraternity
can't get enough of what they've already got


I've seen how to keep asking why can actually **** you
along the way this thing will soothe you and thrill you
at first it would open you up and then spill you
then again in the nik of time it will fill
???

he opened another beer
and sat on
the couch
but turned off the TV

He watched the kid

The kid was on his knees
before the coffee table
busy with
an orange pencil and a
piece of paper

Tongue poked
to one side and held
firmly between
the lips,
he was writing letters to
the pet dog
he’ll never see
again

And he did that
all day long

Dad sipped at his beer. The
years of action
were far beyond him now
but by all the gods
he swore
tonight will be the
night
he sneaks into his ex-wife’s
home and kidnaps
the dog

He even rented
a van
for it

I as a spiritual being
eternal, blessed, love,
has joined inhabitants of earth.

As a light-worker
and a being to shift
and heal my own being.

I have grown to love my everyday,
my every step,
through clouds and sun.

I have learned there is
no duality or lack
as been taught.

There is only love
to tap into in this realm
that is a playground
to explore and co-create.

Love yourself, your neighbor
the world for the gift it gives us.
Than go out from a love
position to change things.

Fear kidnaps love.
Hate and greed bounds love
in ties that must be broken.
Non-compassion is the result
of a sad soul.

God and beings from the stars
now witness
as the children of earth recall
their true essence's.

The bandwagon waits
for the conscious one
to come aboard it.

The process has begun
for all to awake
and for heaven to be on earth.

beware of the dawn, beware of twilight
beware of those scavenging muses we stash away
these popes and their tales,
we held onto each other when everyone else
disappeared

bones that we are, bones kissing in the car
intertwined and anchored
sweet in the dark, we're fragments of a nova
shrugging on a poem, just momentarily

I can't choose what deserves attention,
what deserves molding, what
deserves recompense
this love is like a fog, opaque,
mistaking shapes until it severs
flawless, until it kidnaps me
until we empty the idea,
nothing so near can revel
in the static

I think I comprehend, the story is recurring
nothing that is alight can blaze that long
you whispered I had kept my crusade
possible something, possible reality
not dwindling like petals in former places
meandering on a fixed street,
this life,
it keeps us pursuing because I'm lost

scatter my tendons, clear me out
bound so unyielding, that's all I take in
let your sad fill me up
confirm that this was what you had in mind
let you fill me up
bones that we are, bones kissing in the car

-c.j.

I am the night sky .
I was once  a glorious morning , that turned into a radiant show of colors and promise .
But I slowly turned into darkness.
Dark and Eerie , but graciously lightened by the twinkling lights spread across the midst of my questionably drastic existence.
You were like the stars , shooting , falling and shining throughout me .
You danced upon the surface of my skin , and brightened my presence .
You took the darkness , the scariness , and turned me into a peaceful and beautiful backdrop behind the utterly disgusting world we lived in .
You used the the touch of your light to make me seem so much better .
You hid the bad things , like my thoughts and words to make me seem okay , more okay than I was .
You were like the stars in this way ..
like how they pressed light into the darkness forcing people to forget what things happen at night .
Murders , theft , **** , heart break , suicide , kidnaps , etc .
People seem to forget these things .
Just because there is light , it doesn't mean the darkness won't persevere .
Just because you managed to come into my life , bring out a slight smile now and then .. maybe even a big one , it didn't make me okay .
You were like the stars in the way they shine for so long , so bright , so beautifully .
You were like the stars in the way their light , slowly but suddenly reached the earth all in one time , and how Your appearance seemed to be around night and after night  .
You see , the soft and seemingly beautiful light brought by the stars only shines for a while.
Eventually it fades , but no one realizes because it takes approximately 50,000 years later for the light to truly go out , at least to us .
And that's only for stars closest to earth.  
The oblivious people in the world come to know later that you were gone.
Gone to them as much as you were to me .
You , just like your promises of making everything better , and how you would stay forever , Would Eventually  fade into a complete black ball of nothingness .
Or in our reality a pile full of lies .
The impressions of the light wouldn't last forever , just how your attempts to drag out the better in me would fail , then disappear all together .
You were like the stars .
The rest of the world was like the earth.
I was like the night sky .
I would fade from a beautiful morning,  to a radiant sunset , to a beautiful night sky and after billions and billions of years,  a ******* canvas of nothingness , just pure black .
Because like how the light of the stars fade ,
Your promised did to , along with your love and presence .
Sending me into the physical and emotional state of being jet - black .
Just like a starless sky .
I was once the night sky ,
Now I am the darkness .

I am currently going through
A rough time.
I have kinda been saying this since elementary school.
At first, it was the death of grandmother.
Two weeks before my eighth birthday.
I guess that was God was saying,
“Happy ******* Birthday, expect the rest of your life to ****.”
That Christmas, I found out that my “daddy”
Wasn’t my daddy, but my stepdaddy
And my real father was a pill pumping *******
Love you, dad, xoxo.
New Year’s my stepdad leaves my mom
And kidnaps my brother
We are homeless
My mom starts drugs
I am assaulted by my uncle
He sticks his finger in my mouth
I cry.
He leaves too.
We move in with mom’s new boyfriend
We starve
Get hit
Listen to them wither.
I cut myself for the first time
Foster care
Drunk man tells me I’m pretty
Until he found out I was a ******.
Maggots crawl through my floor
I write my first poem
I move.
Stop my mom from suicide
Stop myself from suicide
Drive a car for the first time
Mom meets another man
For my 16th birthday
He wants to make me woman
He touches me for months
Takes my pants off
I cry.
I don’t tell my mom
Then I do.
She kicks me out.
I live with my boyfriend.
My grandfather, finalizes his will
On thanksgiving.
I spiral down to the point that I hate holidays,
Find no joy in the regular days,
Feel nothing any day.
Hell.
Is what I am living in.

Inside a dark medieval Gothic theme
science lab, lived a isolated women named Aneem
A mad scientist who tries to live an impossible dream
trying to love a scoundrel named Mr. Hakeem
who steals and destroys people's self esteem
has many decades passed, Aneem love for him become so extreme
She was willing to give her self esteem to Mr.Hakeem
Wednesday afternoon she invited him over for ice cream
to her surprise, she hears a scream
from a young child, "its stolen my self esteem"
At that moment, her heart becomes so enraged, so at gun point she kidnaps Mr. Hakeem,
then uses him for a science experiment called bloodstream
a magical potion that restores the whole village's self esteem
that day she was honored has a village hero, hooray Miss Aneem
Horray Miss Aneem,
the great hero of self esteem

writting by me

Until it happens to you
you won't know it won't be real.

Just listen and see the truth,
no victim is invisible unless
you turn away and say nothing.

Don't blame the victim,
some weren't even conscious.

When they say no that means
go don't stay and push the
button.

Bruises are not always on
the skin, the scar's are not
always visible they grow
from within.

Sometimes I am screaming inside
reliving my damaged life
over and over again.

Don't blame the victim,
some weren't even conscious.

I was dead inside bruised and
beaten emotionally damaged.

For seven years I fought
until I was exhausted
and done, I felt unwanted
and scared.

The paranoia is still here,
it's always lurking in the dark.

A noise or touch can make me jump.

The constant reminder he's been here,
lurking in the dark ready to pounce.

His perfumed memory turned into a
monster that kidnaps me in my sleep.

His corrections and accusations
cut me deep.

Leaving emotional lashes on
my heart and self esteem
its raw and painful,
making it hard to sleep.

Don't blame the victim,
some weren't even conscious.

©️ 2023 By Amanda Shelton

No cosmic battle tonight
Movies. Soup. Sleep.

I take 7 medicines. Ow.
Some take a Bodhisattva vow

At the Zen Center I did bow
Hold on but I know not how

The Dark Knight kidnaps Lau
It's a Mother symbol - the Indian cow

Ahora. The Eternal Now.
A beautiful woman naked: Wow!

          All that Heaven will allow