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  Jul 2018 Nicki Mngadi
McDonald tsiie
the first time i saw her stretch marks i
saw beauty as a landscape formed,
lightning collapsed on her earth
captured by my lavender mind
i painted cosmic energy on
her body, oil on canvas ii
created a portrait my
fingertip a brush as
i drew a valley of
a thousand hills
on her fragile
Nicki Mngadi Jul 2018
When I've dressed my body in noise and pain
When love is a tumour I've forgot
When the artium is littered with hate and regret
When my only offering to them is my lifeless soul

Nicki Mngadi Dec 2017
Sacrificial ceremony began
A change awaits at the end of the narrow tunnel on the mountain
Here Isaac isn't saved
Here god doesn't provide
Here  sacrifices are not for faith but amnesia and granmothers smile

You are the sacrifice!!!
"For the days are dark and full of terror"
You don't wanna know...
Nicki Mngadi Aug 2017
Pills,vials and half lifes
Have left my mind hiding in tablet bottles. ..
Making love to the sweet torment of depressions ***** that i have grown to call home

The worthlessness knocks at my  door after a test..I don't open it
It creeps in after a quiz
Creeps after the lecture
Creeps in and kidnaps my mind

I am soaring with no place of rest my mind has become a beautiful graveyard...with the tombstones of self esteem, confidence and will to live ,who all died the same day,lie there side by side

I never unattended their funerals, I was too busy mourning under my sheets
Mourning in nightmares and perfect dreams
Mourning at my wedding ...
I suckled at the breast of sadness,yesterday wrote in his memoir...

Addendum:have you ever been niether dead nor alive?
Depressed pharmacy student
Nicki Mngadi Feb 2017
***** laundry washed clean with her tears and rinsed
Hanged the not so ***** laundry under the gaze of her demise
They dry
And she collects them ....
Irons her anxiety for another day
Folds depression so she can embody its being tomorrow.
Irons today's smile and wears it...
Nicki Mngadi Dec 2016
Involuntary   gags of apologies escape my mouth
And feeds their easily bruised egos
These apologies swaddle beneath my clenched fists
These apologies rip open my jaws and serve them for dinner
Well I am so
Sorry for being black
Sorry for  being woman
Sorry for being strong

Sorry is the noose that still grapples me in my sleep when watching my unborn daughters and nieces arrive shackled
But I have decided evicted sorry and told him he has no place in my mouth or in my mind
so I unsorry
Unsorry for being black
Unsorry for being woman
Unsorry  for being sorry

UnApologetic now resides
A piece in need of more work.. _But bottom-line I am done apologizing for who I am
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