"aquaintances" poems
This moment in time, about twelve
Years ago; a memory that keeps
Resurfacing these days.
I tell it over beers -not at all to brag-
To new friends and old
Aquaintances.
Self-employed, young and working
My hands to shreds to get by.
I had not eaten for days.
I'd drink litres of water
And bite my proud tongue every
Time I thought to ask my parents.
Again.
Already losing friends over debt,
I had exhausted all channels.
I'd keep my eyes on the street
Dreaming of coins.
Monday, nauseous with nothing
But myself to throw up.
In the barracks. Not a soul.
Fridge. I open it.
Boxes with lunches for thirty
Honest men. Wifemade leftovers.
Smell of homes.
I shut the fridge door.
On a shelf to my right,
A bag of buns long forgotten.
The mould only superficial.
Heaven underneath.
My eyes welled up as I ate.
I take no pride in managing to
Become that hungry
In a rich country during rich times.
But I will always remember
That I never touched
The boys' lunchboxes.
May 5, 2014
May 5, 2014 at 11:11 AM UTC
Have you seen ___?
She asks early in the morning when I'm tired and upset
have music blasting through my ear drums so I can stand to exist in this place
On our break, she re-appears, to deliver a package, some materials to help you
I am with you, still, we are work aquaintances, and I see you already have a lover here
A former baseball mom who has remodeled herself, at her new job
pretending husband and children don't exist as she seeks you out, hair done perfectly
dressed to accencuate the ******* and behind, sits so close, has promoted you in her department
to the position of soul mate
And when I flirted a little with you about going together to a fundraiser
you resisted, and now I know why, because you already have a date
and now I know why she tried to be assigned to our work group
when she is really in another because you are there, and you are her light
and my former married flame saw this,
and after the meeting, he ran, as if stung by a bee
to his new work flame, by her side
not alone, and I've finally forsaken him
and he may fire me, or not, but the ring on his finger still isn't there
for her to see, and she needs him, for her own career rehabilitation
Just watch, I am told. Just watch since you are really not my type and
that is what discerning women do, who don't get swept off their feet by
posssessive and abusive men...and I won't go there again even though
I was defenseless then...given my background and insecurities
but stronger now and men near us nibble juicy meat off ribs
and talk about them, as we sit together, ****** tension still a bit there
even though it's fairly casual "It's so tender and moist, so soft, tender, but a good chew"
and I can't help but smile thinking that these heterosexual men are describing what
they most love, and at then end there is only a hard bone left
which should be of interest to me, except that is not enough since
there is little feeling in me to receive its pleasures, and that is just a compromise of nature
And I tell you I adore you, which is a complete tongue in cheek exxageration
but to get through your thick skin it is a plea for you to stop teasing and judging me
and let us just be friends who are nice to each other
and wander away
Jan 26, 2013
Jan 26, 2013 at 1:40 PM UTC
It's difficult to tell
When something as big as this started.
He was witnessed holding my little brother
As though he were a fawn drinking milk
From a snub-nosed brown bottle.
He was indifferent with a cuff,
It could've been a hug.
His aquaintances used his talents
For personal gain;
They sat at our table,
Enjoying chops and fried onions.
He was never in the audience,
Never in the stands beaming;
He was as dysfunctional as Claudius
Among melancholy princesses and princes
Who clasped palms to foreheads.
If I'd known Alas and Woe,
That's when I'd voice them.
One night, I considered pouring poison
In his ear.
Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016 at 11:22 AM UTC
He buried his life in a pile of books,
And blinded himself from dainty looks.
He buried his life in many educations,
Absented himself from youthful occations.
His aquaintances called him folly,
As on soothing nights they got jolly.
His closest friends carried the burden with him,
As his chances of love grew dim.
In those soothing nights,with the book,
All his lifetime he took
Trying to figure out the puzzle of life,
But then the answer was worth more than life!
Jan 5, 2017
Jan 5, 2017 at 2:18 PM UTC
we have no mutual friends
but you pop up under suggested
users. I never look you up because
i never want to know and I never
remember your last name because
last names mean aquaintances and
i'm not sure we were even that.
but you're in that little rack, a black
and white photo, you and a pretty face
she must be fantastic, she must go down
on you on the first date, promise to *put
it in her mouth* without even knowing
your mother's name, she must have
been swift at giving in, going under
submitting to your wrath hidden
under nice-mormon-boy-with-a-soccer-ball
or maybe those were just your standards then.
I'll admit to checking the social board and pretending I wanted
to be an English tutor, waiting for you to come out of Math 101,
a chance to talk tacked up with the rest of the pamphlets
And, I dunno, you seemed normal.
under the guise of study-buddy, math **** in the name of grade A +,
we started with kisses and you made a beeline straight for calculus,
and I realized i didn't know how to say No. No. No.
No.
No. No.
Mike pins my hands above my head and tries to unzip my jeans.
it's dawning on me that for the first time in my life I am not as
strong as I thought, but I play my weakness off like a champ.
Have you ever not wanted someone to touch you? You feel it
in your spine, in my spine, in your ribs, in my ribs, the sanctity
of a body barring the doors and cowering in the temple, little
girls scattering for the edges and becoming shadows, engravings
and hieroglyphics.
He never gets there. He kind of gets there. You have things you want to preserve and others you don't mind sacrificing in order to be loved
or maybe just
prized.
Prized for a quarter until Mike is absent the last three weeks of Math 101, supposedly sick with Pneumonia. You offer to bring him soup,
heating pads? Bribes, on bribes on company. But you're just a towelette, not even full-blown dish rag, not even sure why i'm trying
not even sure how to say no to
Suggested Users.
Jul 26, 2015
Jul 26, 2015 at 6:34 PM UTC
I believe in true love at first sight
Because it was in that moment that I saw you, that I knew I could never truly love again .
Especially not after you .
However, we became aquaintances.
Hours , days , weeks , and months soon changed that.
I don't know .... Was it your looks?
Your personality ,
Or was it simply the fact that you were so unobtainable?
I believe it is because I cant have you ..
Yeah , maybe that's why I crave you .
Forgive me because my idealistic beliefs have changed ..
I now realise it is because we were meant to be together.
Aug 2, 2014
Aug 2, 2014 at 12:41 AM UTC
People this year really ******* surprised me
..my Mom, my "friends", and aquaintances
but throughout this whole year...to think not one person that truly loved me...accepted me
and this year has been extremely hard because...i felt really lonely
that no one got me, that I had no place, and i chased people who were pushing me away
i felt like a strayer, like mud left behind
this year I've really been able to see the hate of the world
when i've been nothing but kind, when i went out of my way to be accepting
but i could sit here and rant
or I could say It is finished
even if it's not 2015 yet...the past is done
no going back...
and i don't regret anything
but how i treated myself
and allowed myself to act...
Dec 31, 2014
Dec 31, 2014 at 6:32 PM UTC
My life is private, my secrets drenching in hopeless fear.
I express out loud, longing for admiration.
Yet, I hold everything in, saying nothing, no word my tongue could ever expose.
Fake friends, liars, backstabbers...
They only miss me once I’m gone.
I left, secretly disappeared without a knowledge to anyone.
But once they know I’m gone, is when they start to miss me.
I’ve moved on, left the city and started new in a different one.
I left like the wind with a cold dryness in the air.
Unspeakable, they only coming back cuz they know I’m not around.
Incomplete, I’ve learnt to never trust anyone ever again.
Deep thoughts hit and I know what’s going to happen before it does.
Caused by experience, pain, loss, and abuse.
I avoid it all, and seclude myself in my mysterious fantasies that will never come to my reality.
I live life in despair, knowing that I’m the curse, the darkness itself.
I’m the person who’s devil you speak the name of.
I’m your nightmares in your lost daydreams.
Too much intensity, I may be trouble.
But my deceiving nature has you thinking otherwise... doesn’t it?
Maybe it’s just thoughts of people talking about me constantly, even though it’s not real.
Nothing is.
My illusion is my nightmare and my delusions is my reality.
Im never going back.
They probably never going to see me ever again, but I guess it’s satisfying to make them think otherwise.
To make them think that I still love them and we probably still friends.
But when I was around, where were they without my effort?
Without my effort, everything is at loss.
I prefer to label these people as my aquaintances.
Calling them my friends is just a facade to cover up my intense loneliness caused by my experienced deep ridden trust issues.
I have no friends.
I like it that way.
I stay detached cuz people are worthless to me.
I like being alone, it’s my new cure.
With my seclusion, I am nothing more to be.
If I call you my friend, please don’t get confused when I ghost you and never actually talk to you, but I end up coming back few months later saying how much I miss you and love you.
Don’t we all do that?
This darkness of truth and lies all hidden inside of us.
Disappearance, keep your distance.
Sep 19, 2020
Sep 19, 2020 at 3:01 PM UTC
The days go by
My face stretched out in a smile
Cheeks hurting from the effort.
Sitting next to people
Talking about life’s daily struggles
Just another show.
Laughing as jokes are told
Saying hello as aquaintances pass
Trying to make it through the day.
The days go by
The same struggle of pretending to be okay
When it’s empty inside.
The greatest joy is when my dog kisses my face
Pushing through the pain of unreturned messages
Calling back memories of similar days from years ago.
When your best friend would rather talk to your mom
And another friend just hangs up ‘cause she doesn’t want to talk anymore
Or a friend who never responds even though he texted first.
It’s getting easier and easier to retreat into a fantasy world
Why should I try when the results are always the same
No matter what I change, it’s always the same.
I cling to the hope of a future
One where there are people who truly care
Where people truly believe in me.
It seems so far away
Almost unachievable
But I cling to that dream obsessively,
The chant repeats in my mind, day after day,
*One day will come,
One day you will be free*!
Dec 10, 2017
Dec 10, 2017 at 9:02 PM UTC
I've been here before
So many times
My brain erases the memories
Can't hold this discordant pain
It happens again
This feeling--must record this
Evidence that proves
Not forget, never forget
I am grieving
Something important to me is being lost
It is sad to me, doesn't matter what it is
The line to my family runs dead
Sympathy should exist here
but never did
An echoing space
A roar of nothingness
The sound of a large empty room
where life should be, but isn't
the mirage of the safety net of love disappears
Like 2pac's hologram--so real but then absolutely gone
I fall into the abyss, a black hole
pulls me forever deeper into the vacume
Curl up in the corner of nothingness with the pain
Soothe the self with the self
Watch life whip by outside
where I was before this hit
Remember the concern of aquaintances
who mimicked a worried friend
because I was in their way
And like my family
they have now vanished
Jun 15, 2012
Jun 15, 2012 at 1:09 PM UTC
I live on heart break island
This is my lonely oasis
Bitterness
Rejection
Misery
Dispair
The names of my solemn aquaintances
We moved to heartbreak island
Different lovers let us down
Bitterness
Rejection
Misery
Dispair
They are all I know of now
Jul 21, 2021
Jul 21, 2021 at 12:07 AM UTC
"you come to know the dead the more you live"
Jan 8, 2019
Jan 8, 2019 at 8:42 AM UTC