Where have i been?

What have i seen? at the outer reaches of my minds universe?

well  , some of it is so dark that it is made up of the stuff of the nightmares we bathe in
sos

save our souls
the calls reached all the way out there but i got lost in my own madness
and that place as wonderful as it is

well i am all of those deamons too
so
i guess now we are even and we've settled our scores
because we die daily in our ritual rebirths

i saw the sand of time fall to pieces
and explode into a million different ways of being
and i saw all the fractures like mirrors in a fairground

i saw myself in all my different guises
as a mistress
as a husband
as a butcher
as a teacher
as a student

and still i have not found the enlightened ground
but i have
i saw it before
in a flash

and the roket fuel for this intergalatic trip i've just returned
is and was and continues to be nothing more than the love of one man

even if he doesn't think so and that i do it allmyself

well i couldn't have done any of it
if i didn't know that i'd see him again sooner rather than later

and lets see what we can acomplish by sunrise then

it's a dare

it's a date

it's a chase

and maybe i'm addicted
but maybe i'm not
and maybe i'm a fool
but maybe i'm not

and maybe as i slip into my new / old skin
i understand for the first time my power

to ****
and to grow

and even if
there is no time
and we float like endless clouds across the sky
i know i still speak with nature
and maybe it's just another day
and maybe tommorow it will all go away

but i
am a dj
and i am a god

and i will not stop

untill this world sees peace
and hears it too

i will play on
untill eternities sunrise sets
no matter what comes my way

so goodnight
and fly well

may all your wishes come true
and may all your hopes feel

I feel an emotion one i dont feel often
Most of the time wishing i was in a coffin
But the feeling has finally soften
Looking around the room
What if your my groom
Marrage is a my wish
Something i want to acomplish
But with who?
My result is overdue
Looking and waiting
Drawing writing and painting
All things i do to pass time
While i just wait in this line
Secretly i want it to be arranged
Most people think its strange
But judgement plays a big role
My legs take the toll
I have no say
I live happy until this day
The day i have to choose
The one i hope to never loose
Stay by my side
Lay with me by the tide
Your cowboy ****
Makes me got nuts
But is it you i choose
What about your friend with the tattoos?
We all have diffferent veiws
My husband i shall choose
I like him with the bruise
Tall and handsome
And looks fairly wholesom
Marry me
I plea
And we will live happily

Its neither here nor there.
Always watching.
Seemingly waiting.
But more off to the side.
Like a sibling forced into pickup duty.
Three minutes go by.
And the inevitable call is made.
Anger and impatience swell with every unanswered ring.
No one asked to be apart of this incessant dance.
The beat is always off.
Even the tune is becoming bothersome.
What prize is there for those that acomplish indifference.
When the winner is dragging their feet to the podium.
No one is willing to listen.
Any exchange at this point brings nothing but fire.
A molotov with no fuel.
For in the end.
It all just hangs their in the precious balance.
Like the suit thats a little to big to wear in the corner of the closet.
Sitting there.
Collecting days.
Until the night comes.
Just to be overlooked.

Heavy foot steps and lead laeden words.
Trying to create sense of this emergancy of birds.
Predators hiding lurking in the laminate
sealed in with a kiss the layers are feeling permanant.
Clear obsidion mixed with volcanic ash.
Crushing down on me, im gasping for breath.
Shaking like a mountain just before the eruption
trying to remove myself from this plastic corruption.
Daisies die in feilds..
Deers burn as the air horns call out the catastrophy.

You all need to run from me.

Silence in my self, I am no longer seeking
i need to break free and sing just as birds sing.
Calling out the warning; shaking up the evergreens.
its all interconnected.
Hyperspatail turbulance im screaming in my bed
im worried
im afraid
im trying
its working
i think that the plastic might just be burning
the toxic
the posion
its all gassing off from me
dont breath me
i feel like its something.


I could just be werid. Relaxing in turbines, i think im just trying and poems lead to calm minds.

Make sense of me. Make sense of you.
And you.
And you.
Im caought up in the subterfuge.  Capracioisly grapsing
for what im not sure.

Cattawompus canyons are cut into my heart. Im so confused information on piecharts
, the values dont match
the legend is misleading.
God seems to be warrenting this healing.
Kicking in the door
creating a dizzy storm.
Cyclopeon rage
stolen from days of yore..

Its time to let go.
Its time to grow.

Just understand me . just for a breif moment. I am harmless. I am less. I am lost. I need rest..

A bunch more words too honest too painful. I write poems to unleash all that is shameful.

This hurts.

This is needed.

I am bleeding.

Just so I am.

Just living.

Just leaving.

Just kidding.

Just bidding.

Betting.
On when its all ganna explode.
On when the subroutiunes will need a defrag machine when the bios gets corrupted when the system wears down when i will stand in the light looking like a ******* clown.
Because i trusted.

Why is this so hard?
I am 24 years old and cant drive a mother ******* car.
Fear is a disease that i can not squah on my own
a whole battallion of star ships need to warp into my home and disrupt the radio frequencies that speak to me
in dreams the nightmares unending the face grips and rending my cheek bones are tensing my teeth are condensing milkbones and raw tones

This excitment inside me
burns out the live feed
darkness envolopes mailed sent by trumpet
these echos of my thoughts
repeat the words taought
like liar and loser you dumb ******* ****** acomplish not nothing but your something is ******* just so god ****** worthless they all wait for your face to turn to a frowning grimice of you drowning you floundering ****** you sociatial ****** you cautious cat crawling as dogs get the tasties of life while your wasting your time just complainging this echo echo chamber needs to be ******* obliterated. A star dust deconstruction and rebuilding of the most primitive functions.

Take me from my own head.
I made my bed.
Id lie in it. But. Its made of my own meat and guts.

Friends
.. I need your ******* help.

Just.
Be you. Perfect.

I trust you. Despite what these echos say bouncing in my brain.

Just.

This is too much.

Just.

I think im just werid..

Just.

Please dont run.

Abolish my soul to the firey morbid collision u call ur heart,
I dont reject the presence of lust and attraction to honor you my lady,
Filth and fire are standard to acomplish the tradegy we both deserve.
Feels so good!.
    




                                                                                    ☝️Jose gonzalez

People love that saying

time heals all wounds

but when you live long enough

you will realize most cleches

are true

its amazing what even the smallest passage of time can acomplish

the cuts it can close

the imperfections it can smoothe over

but in the end

it comes down to the size of the wound

doesnt it?

if the wound is deep enough

there might be no way to keep it from festering

even if you have

all the time in the world

Hey, you
are stronger than you know
And I promise that it shows
Even if you don't see
You're more powerful than you think
You can acomplish anything
even when it feels like you're sinking.
you've got it in you
to prove
everyone wrong.
you. are. strong.
Please believe it.

Everything happens for a reason


in the sea of love we swam like a fish
dreams of having our own world, kinda selfish
Being together forever was our only wish
"I will die for you" ... promises we can't acomplish
Suddenly crashed .. a journey we couldn't finish
slowly slowly momments begun to perish
Only hallucinating sweet moments we cherish
We cry like crazy " Oh Lord why"
"I did everything for him(her) see now i cry"
Tears after tears  till they dry
Then we start to pray
Asking Lord for a good life every day
Turning our soul in a religious way
Then we remember we were the lost sheep
We enjoyed a haram( unlawful ) relationship
Craving to repent for unlawful things we do on earth
Slowly slowly improving our faith
Boom! Lord brings Ramadhan a month of blessings
A month to ask all our cravings
A month to wipe out our sins
Make this month useful before the new moon is seen
Happy Ramadhan.... stay healthy .. stay clean
😊wishWish☺️

At one point
You are set down
And never picked back up
At one point
You never talk
To your childhood friends again
You are never the best
At every task you acomplish
You will have a pet
For part of your life
But all of theirs
Now is the oldest you’ve been
Yet the youngest you’ll be again
You’ve never directly seen
Your own face