I like to destroy things with
an anger
that only comes up
when the thing i really wish to
destroy is
myself.

Haunted by
the ghost
of my own self
telling me
I don't deserve to live.

Come with me. Come. I'm waiting for you.

Being myself and
living this life
is just another version
of nothingness
of emptiness
of a void
where you're lost in
and can't see any future
but a dark path to follow,
hanging on a blind hope
that maybe you'll find yourself
that maybe you'll find someone
that maybe will be able to help you
but haven't you understood it yet?
you're the one who's got
the burden
to save your own
miserable life
inside or outside this void
life will be the same
darkness will rise
and will follow every step of yours
and maybe one day you'll realize
you don't even remember
how old you are
or how many years
you've been trapped inside
your little wicked & distorted mind
haven't you realized it yet?
is it my fault?
I don't think so
but it doesn't matter
a single bit
this void has made me
what I am today
after all, this is where
I've been in
a lifetime
with only a chance to escape
but I failed on life
and I've failed on death as well
is it my fault?
wait and you'll see.

I swear i saw you there
awaiting for something to happen
in the corner of my room
in the dark
alone
I could swear i saw you from the other side
I was near the window
the wind was blowing ******* the trees that night
I wasn’t afraid,
were you?
I could swear i saw claws moving underneath
your dark long cloak
i couldn’t see its color in the dark but
i’m pretty sure it was nothing
but black
like the sky in that cold night
like my mind, while sitting in the corner of the room
awaiting for you to come to me
and take me home.
i wasn’t afraid
and so weren’t you
for i was you – the night, the dark, the death
and death has no fear
but it can still feel the wind blowing from outside
the window
and it can hear words never spoken
so as you hear when you think
someone whispers
your name
at night.

I look inside your eyes
we're burning
we're vanishing
away
'don't touch me please'
oh please  
just don't
ever touch me
again
like you've touched
me
once
i can't stand this pain
you see?
i can't stand this anguish
in my
heart
in my eyes
so we burn &
we vanish
just over and
over again.

wind up this day little girl
you've had enough
of it already
you've had enough of my
words, the most dreadful of
them
release your good will and
be gone like I did
like I do
vanish away with me
to somewhere else where we
can be other than ourselves
where we can be nothing
at all
fade away with me, little girl
i promise never to leave you
not while i live,
not ever.

The incense is burning.
I look at the fading smoke and
i wonder
when will be the day that
i'm gonna turn
into ashes,
and be blown away
with the wind
forever?

I can't touch you
when you're
far away
from me
though so near
inside
my
mind.

Once i've tried to scape
this living hell so called
mind
but the more i tried to
swim
i ended up sinking even
further
and further
so i reached the bottom of
this
black ocean so called
mind
and i found myself
half dead
but how does one get half dead
when they're not living
at all?
sometimes i still try
to reach on the surface
but deep down myself i
know
i know that i cannot be
of a good use any longer
part of me is dead and
the other part is numb as
i try to ease all the pain
of a lifetime
once lived by myself
or thought that has been lived
or thought that has been someone
once or twice
in life.

Slip the blade over my skin &
leave me alone to taste the
cold silver piece of metal
dragging me down to the
world of the doomed ones.

Drain this blood
Out of me
Drain this pain
Out of my soul
Drain this body
Out of this world
So I can be in peace
& in pieces
Wandering through the
Worlds of the undead
& the sinners
Just let me out
So I can inhale
And exhale
The fresh air
Of the real death.

That kind of people
who brings a storm into
your mind
as if the everlasting rain
wasn't enough already.

You come & go
like I was a bridge
you can walk through
over & over
but i'm about to
fall down
and i'm dragging you
with me
whatever it takes.

You're so cold
to touch that
i froze the very first
time your lips met
mine.

And then
you look at yourself in the mirror
for the third time
and say:
it smells like ***** still.

Hit me harder
smash my head against the concrete
kick my stomach
and tell me you loved me once
and that's how it feels
to love me deeply.

a pretty long time of nothingness

This blood flowing
from my mouth
is my desire
to kiss you
good night
good morning
good evening
every single day,
bleeding
through my veins
because love
has never been a one way
course
but this
just seems to be
a lonely love
of a lonely
lover.

I'm sorry that
all that's left of
me
is this what
you point & call
waste of space and breath
i'm sorry
that i couldn't
agree more
with you.

I know
you wish my poetry
were about you
but I can't go
this far away
from my sanity.

The empty space within
you will never disappear while
you sit among the stars
and count every single one of
them.

I let my mind give in
i know, i know
it's not a surprise for you
i see
but what did you expect
from a diseased & wicked mind
like me?

I tried to be nice
i swear i did
but things
such like you
silently screams down my ear
to *******
as hard as i can.

Silent as a wall
i hear you crying past 2am
silent as a wall
i keep on being your pillow
even when the one weeping
is me.

I don't need your smile nor your help
cause I got my own back
when you were missing
and now that you're not
any longer,
i beg you
to just please,
forget me
soon.

Happiness
only happens to
the ones with
open heart & smiles.
I'm a rock &
rocks doesn't have a heart,
neither a mouth to
fake smiles
everyday.

It's easy to laugh & it's easy to
fake smiles and
how you're doing
on a daily basis
you just need to
add some lies inside your
head
and pretend you're living in there
but no one knows
what's like
in the middle of the night
when you find yourself
curling up in your bed & blankets
wishing for a kind soul
to suddenly appear
out of nowhere
and take you away from here
and never go back.

Hurt me
the way I do &
you'll be pleased to see
how lovely
it can be.

You are the first & last words
of a forgotten favorite poem
but i couldn't hold on to
the memories you
once gave me
so i brought you back
& then you brought me
pain,
again.
When will I learn?

I would rather live my life
by your side
than recall the
dreadful decision I once made
when I thought it was
a nice idea
to die for you.

I love the way you cry but
i hate the way you smile
because there's no way
i can get into your mind &
a smile like that
comes out
spontaneously.

Life has been tough
not only for me but also for you, my love
i'm not complaining though, i know
there's a million ways we could make
it better
together
but we just don't
we just won't
because we're dead
together
and together we shall be 'till
the sun awakes once again
inside our wounds that once has been made
by the rage of an sharp sword
in my quick hands
i'm sorry, my love
i'm sorry i brought us death,
but when the sun rises again
i'll make sure the blood dripping
off the sharp blade
exists no more
so i shall paint it again
beautifully,
with both our hearts.

It started like an itch inside my mind, but i couldn’t
just scratch it with my bare hands
so it came in the back of my head
how mad i get sometimes and
how incredibly angry i get sometimes
with myself
with this diseased mind of mine
and these bare limbs
just floating around in the air
stuck in myself
a walking scarred tissue
so i made that first great entrance
to welcome the blood flowing out
and waiting for that time
that never happens
should i stand a little more?
should I enter a bit deeper?
“hello, I’m an old friend, I’m a guest and I’m a host
of yours
so please welcome this person of mine
to be out of these lands forever.”
Maybe i could say that and
something would happen
but i could just make some eleven more openings
and watch myself bleeding
the very welcome
way out
that I think I
deserve.
Do i?
I’m not quite sure
but somehow i’ll discover
hopefully before they open this door
and find me drowned in my
own poisoned blood
just to see the light that
i've been told my whole life
and that never occurred to appear
for decades
and all i could do was wait
but now i'm running out of time.

I wish I could steal
your burden &
make it mine
but how can I do it
if you seem to love
to have a burden
to carry around
with you?

Writing makes you vulnerable
because you're opening your heart out
and letting yourself
explode into words
and when someone reads it
they may get hurt
but the one who hurt the most
is you
because now they know
and now you know
that you can become a fragile
piece of glass
in their hands
or maybe,
just maybe
a strong piece of human being
who allows himself
to let it all go away
with sharp & sad
words
ready to harm anyone
who's willing to,
even if it's yourself.

for a thalassophobic like me
drowning never sounded so good

My tears are
reflecting in the
warmest pool of blood
ever poured out of my
veins.

You're like gold
expensive and shiny
but I'd highly rather
put my hands
on sterling silver
and keep it
forever
with me
than to be tempted
to sell you
and have you
no more
in my hands.

I write my poetry
for you
with the blood
shedding
from your throat.
Is this love
good enough
now?

Under the moon
i was waiting for you
under the moon
i was craving for you
under the moon
i was falling for you
under the moon
i was dying for you
but once
right under the moon
i died for you
and then, under the moon
i wished it was just you.

Stab me again
but now in my face
so I can see
the terrible mistake
I did
to let you in again
when I was fine
without you.