It won't be long, darling,--
till you're back in my life
I know we ended things
on bad terms,

You rented my face
out to a couple of
black eyes;

Told me rent was due
and tore my body in two,

Said it would be better
if I never left the house
and stayed home;
playing nurse to you
and me all day long

I was in the wrong,
so I turned to alcohol,
my acoustic guitar
and started writing songs

After what seemed like
better days rather than
bitter moments, you brought
home someone new,

A skeleton she was,
but you assured it was
just for a few months

What say did I have in the matter?

Night after night,
I could hear you both
groan and murmur
like the walls of
an old mansion;
and every now and then
a ghost would moan
and I'd bury my head
into my knees and sink
further into the darkness

I wanted out,
but it was now
two against one,

and so my body
was contorted, bent
and bruised;

I was the poor
man's exorcist

It wasn't till you both
started fighting, decided
to get married and have
a honeymoon in Hawaii

did I realize that something
terrible was growing in me

I sharped everything
I could find in the house,
knives, razors; hell,
even turned a child's
bat into a vampire's
worst nightmare

and when you two got home,
I let you have it,

the walls still speak
of your silly antics,

mortal
and futile,

as though you were
born insects but
took the form of
strong, confident humans

I put an end to all that
at a moment's notice

I'm on the run now,
but I know deep down
it won't be long till we meet again

You'll be back in my life, darling

and that's a promise

Hey gorgeous,
Whats going down?
Seems like you've fallen down,
Since the last I've been around
You speak not a sound
I can only feel your pain
when you push me down

Hey gorgeous,
Don't let them steal your thunder,
you're more than just a number
With them goddess eyes,
You give me butterflies
Others are quick to polarize your heart,
And tear your beautiful mind apart

Hey gorgeous,
I can only think back to when I felt your forehead
Cold to the touch,
I clutch on to you right hand
Holding it;
I felt hypnotized within a  depressed state.
No one was inside
You were just an empty case

Hey gorgeous,
You would think I have forgotten
The list we use to make
The reasons why we should live
And forgive ourselves for our mistakes

1. You can't control what others do
2. The world needs more beautiful people like you
3 you are in battle,
and a soldier may never surrender
4. The people you think don't care; 85% of them would **** for you
5.
Remember when we made those promises
on that cold winter day
I held your hand,
As the wind blew in your face
The sky was a cold dark gray
I said
"hey gorgeous!
Let's Make a Deal,
If I Stay Alive will you do the same?"

These masters of poetry
flood my mind
with rhymes
and pure
unaltered thought

truth
honesty
brutally at times
these master poets
dominate my mind

Changing who I am
what I see
in a small number of lines
When master poets words
take control of my mind

Sitting, staring, suffocating
always feeling so alone.
Words echo in your head
haunting memories tantalize.
Always feeling nervous
or to self-conscious.
Worried of what others think
and say about you.
Words hurt and ****
seeming everytime you get
back up.
You get knocked down.
Again!
Eventually it starts to hurt
especially when your family
joins in.
I seek help!
Calling!
Shouting!
Crying out!
But no one listens
or helps...
When I eventully do get help
it seems like they never listen
or care.
But when they do start caring
i get back stabbed.
Thought I could trust them…
They say they understand
But they dont!
Never will!
Until they experience it for themselves.
Feeling so alone
scared and helpless and alone
laying on the floor
as the blood trickles down
down
down
Seeming it wont stop
But eventually it does.
Thoughts so vile enter my mind
and thats when i cry
letting it out
After years of holding it in
No one understands.
Will ever understand.
Suicide and the knife
Was calling my name…
But i dont seek the courage
and that makes me cry harder.
Thats when i find myself falling asleep
Deeper
Deeper
into the nightmares that taunt me.
Of being *****
Sexually abused
Physically abused
Emotionally abused
Bullied…
I just couldnt take it anymore.
No longer without my sister,
my best friend for life
who died in my arms earlier on.
So much blood
So
So much blood.
It wouldnt stop
wouldnt stop!
Ive lost so much courage
Thought i was strong.
Cant take it anymore.
life is hell
Judgemental
Misfits.
I dont belong
And never will.
Am i good enough?
No im not!
I use to be able to ignore it
use to
but its hard
Easier said than done.
From the time i wake up
Til i go to bed
It follows me
Like a lost puppy.
Im lost in hope
without friends
Or family
Or a mother.
just a father who took me
away from my mother
Cause cps came and
took me away
From my mommy.
i was scared
Confused
Didnt know what she was doing to me
Was wrong.
I was so young
still coping with the loss
Of my grandmother
And my dog
Who were killed right in front of me.
i didnt know any better.
Was so little and frail
And young.
But the past doesnt matter anymore
Or the present
only the future…
Depression
depression
Depression
deep in my bones
And my veins
And feel it in my pulse
And the beat of my heart.
adrenaline kicks in.
More crying
And feeling alone.
Always shuting the outside world
Out!
Not letting any one in
To see the real me
Cause shes gone
its hard to find her
wish i could find her.
Shes lost
like i am now
Always eating to much
or going days without eating.
Too much or too little sleep.
always exhausted.

To everyone she seems pretty lame,
laying on the ground, not enjoying the fame.
Today is the day that the girl tripped and fell,
she is the laughing stalk, the one that sells.
She was tripped by the bully, her stuff on the floor,
oh, how she wished she could run out that door.
She doesn't know that someone actually cares,
but all that he does is stare.
When the girl fell,
he saw it well.
It was all like she goes a walking,
and somebody's stalking.
He comes up behind her, and made her fall,
they all laughed as she hit the wall.
It was all like she falls down,
and a giant frown,
comes upon her face,
oh, what a disgrace.
She wonders what she did to them,
why they all hate her?
All but one...
and that's the one special boy who cares.
The one boy walks up,
catching a glimpse closeup.
She welcomes him in,
as her world is somehow thinning.
His voice whispers insidious,
making her feel hideous.
Oh how the pain is somehow baring,
he lied about caring.
When the girl fell,
he saw it well.
It was all like she goes a walking,
and somebody's stalking.
He comes up behind her, and made her fall,
they all laughed as she hit the wall.
It was all like she falls down,
and a giant frown,
comes upon her face,
oh, what a disgrace.
She wonders what she did to them,
why they all hate her?
All but one...
and that's the one special boy who cares.
Everyone thinks she is crazy,
her life is all hazy.
Everyone stays away,
oh, how she prays.
She's talking to her demons,
how she wished she was dreaming.
The boy isn't here,
wishing she could just disappear.
Engulfed in her own presence,
she wishes she learned a lesson.
The demons fill her head with thoughts,
tying her stomach into knots.
Filling her head with sights,
that only come when she's alone at night,
They tell her of her dreams,
life isn't as it seems.
When the girl fell,
he saw it well.
It was all like she goes a walking,
and somebody's stalking.
He comes up behind her, and made her fall,
they all laughed as she hit the wall.
It was all like she falls down,
and a giant frown,
comes upon her face,
oh, what a disgrace.
She wonders what she did to them,
why they all hate her?
All but one-
and that's the one special boy who cares.
But the sad thing is-
He's just her imagination-

The topography of my mind
Maps the beach at changing tide.

From low to high it's all washed clean
Footprints, castles and trails alike
Unetched slate of flat leveled sand
Grains aligned by blessed wave strike.

From high to low it's all exposed
Fragments, jetsam, seaweed entwined
Littered, scattered on shore amuck
The sting of empty shells combined.

Yes, the topography of my mind
Maps the beach at changing tide
From low to high and high to low
A gloriously exhausting ride.

I wonder if he heard the bullet
                 if he heard the gun crack
                 if he knew his breath was his last
                 if he thought about his future
                          thought about his past
                 if he thought at all
                                  or if it was too fast
I wonder if he heard the bullet

Did love dizzy his mind?
Did he think about his girl-
How she would feel when his body she'd find?
Did he think about his friends-
Who he would leave behind?
Did he think about himself
                 Trying to survive?

I wonder if he felt the pavement catch him
                 if he was still alive
I wonder when his heart stopped beating:
   was it in the backseat of a car?
   where they left his body?
   Did they drag him far?

I wonder what he was thinking;
I hope that he was not.

His fiancé flew to a corpse, not a wedding venue.
His mother to a coroner, not a graduation.
His brother accepted his diploma, not knowing what had happened.
I hope that he never realized these things.