If anxiety could hear me
I'm not sure what I would say
What words could I even find looking into her eyes?
It's the little flecks of gold in her deep blue that leave me breathless
Like I can't find help in an ocean full of outstretched hands
****
If she could hear me, would I shout?
Would I scream just to redeem my previous shameful silence
How dare you take the air from my lungs like it was your song to be sung
I wrote the notes with my own two hands
Like a dying soldiers last stand this is my peak
And you have no right to take that away from me
So this time my rib cage is reinforced with I-beams
Steel
So what if you're not real
I feel it

In a different world,

A different mind a different body

Perhaps I'd be inclined to try and find the facts behind her fiction

But for now I'll buy in

Because this is too sweet to be reality and that's not what I need

I need a sign from up high before I'll jot my name on the dotted line

I don't need to know every little detail that lies behind her eyes

So tonight I'll take it slow I'll take it steady

We can share a drink and a long and contemplative passing of eyes, sharing of the deep thoughts inside our minds

If we find what we see to be of the proper tone, the proper texture

Perhaps into the wild blue yonder I'll venture...

I'll tell her what goes on inside the deep recesses of my mind

And in those dark spots she may decide my conclusions are nothing but pure conjecture

If she can find some inner part of her that longs for adventure than maybe I'll tell her

I think she's beautiful and she makes me weak in places I wish I was strong to begin with

But she makes me think that maybe I can flip this, fix this.

Put that part of me back together again

Just enough to pass close inspection

I'm this strange mix of a anti social quiet type of romantic who can't seem to find the courage he deserves

So I'll stick my chin up and tell her "Nothing" and something like, "Everything's fine"

Because a mind is a terrible thing to lose and I can't seem to find mine when I look into her eyes

She's got every color of the rainbow and at least fifty shades more

I'm torn

I know that I'm not the best for her, and she deserves that

I know that in my head but my heart can't seem to conserve that, steady flutter it means to burst out of my chest and fly

and I can't for the life of me figure out why

In a different time

I could just bring you flower and announce that you could be mine

And that would fine

But now days we have to dance around the issue because that's the socially correct thing to do

I can't help but feel cheated

I'm an old soul inside a young mind

I feel this way about eighty-five percent of the time

On a different day

In a different way

perhaps I'd say something that could make you stay

But your future awaits

So I'll surrender the very idea of us to the fates

And hope that one day

Things will be different

What if the lines around her eyes made a maze?
What if the secrets that never seemed to phase her really hit her where it hurt
What if she cared the whole time, but didn't trust herself in what words she might find
I miss it
The life we could have had
I miss dreaming about that
But it's patience and understanding I lacked
And even more than that?
I didn't realize it till long after the fact
And if it wasn't too late and too little I would come to your door
Hands and knees
If it wasn't for that
I would be begging please
But instead I'm here
Biting my tounge
Hoping that nothing heals like time

It's getting to be that time again,
In the later hours of my day
When the night creeps so quietly across the sky as if trying to surprise the sunrise somewhere across the world
So it's dark in my mind
When the demons creep on the edge of their seats to try and better view of the contents of my heart to more properly pick it apart,
Why is it that when it gets to be twilight my mind is sensitized to the screams of all that which I can't see,
It's a balancing act to maintain my sanity, tomorrow's on it's way
If my fallacy stays in tact, I'll live to see another day

It's kind of amazing

The level of changing I see in myself

I've learned so much in so little time that it's a surprise that I'm not out of my mind

I'm a different man than who I used to be

A better man

A stronger man

But one of the more recent revisions to my character is this

I've learned to love loving someone who doesn't know it yet

I've learned to love loving people just because it's the right thing to do

I've learned that love doesn't always have to have a dark side nobody ever told you about

I've learned that love isn't always what it seems it should be

Love is actually imperfect by nature

Because on paper there's always a reason why

But in your mind it's inapplicable to the reasoning's of the heart

For who are you to argue

You see the good in the bad and good in the great and the amazing in the mediocre

For they're what you wish you could be and a thousand times more

For you can't even fathom what would be in store for you both if you pursued this line of thought

And maybe you'll get over this

Maybe you won't

What does it matter where they came from

Or what they've done

They're here now and they're not gonna look back and neither should you

Renew yourself in the image of the person you know you always want to be

Because I believe the very need for being that person means you already are

You just need to step into the shoes

I've accepted the fact
That I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my life
It's not because nobody wants me
But rather, I don't want nobody
I'm gonna build my house in the woods, far away from here
There's a reason why I don't believe in love
There's a reason why nobody's ever heard of true love
You say there are fish in the sea for me
Well I don't see how
Because from where I'm looking down
There's more ocean than ground
You say you'll believe it when you see it
well I've got to hear the sound
You say you love me, do you mean it?
Well maybe she'll stick around
And yes, maybe I lack conviction
Or maybe I'd rather avoid the friction that seems to come with every fairy tale,
every flirtatious fiction
every single girl who claims she's smitten
I've accepted the fact
That I'm gonna be alone for the rest of my days
It's not because nobody wants me
Or maybe..
I'm gonna build my house in the woods far away from here
There's a reason why I don't believe in love
There's a reason why nobody's ever heard of true love
Loves a lie,
It's passed me by
You won't find it here
Well if loves alive
It's passed me by
You won't find it here
Your preaching falls on def ears
You won't find it here.

One tip of the hourglass

I'll stay till the shadows past

And if I could rewind time

You would be in my arms tonight

But if I could rewind time

I would have gotten it right the first time



So stay

Please stay

I can apoligize today

I don't care what for

but I need you now

I need your smile

I need your voice

I need to know I'm not your second choice

Your fall guy

Why am I always the fall guy?

Guess she's just gonna pass by

I'm just her fall guy



So it's been a while since'

Since I had sleep

Another wish for the best of me

When I say this to her

When I make this song so

Here I stand

By the wishing well

Thinking of her

And hoping like hell

That she realizes

What a huge mistake she's making



So sway

We'll sway

On these summer swings without no wings

We'll fall all over again

We'll make green into gold

And gold into the old

Stories we'll tell

About time with each other

Not a single thought of any others

We're right there

Right there in the moment

Sitting and hoping

This isn't a huge mistake we're making



And it's been a while

Since sleep had me

So it's time for me

To catch those z's

Maybe

But maybe it's another sleepless night

Without you by my side that's right

Up your ally

No calling on daddy to save you

So stay