Twisted together, chest to chest, skin to skin
strong arms shielding my tiresome eyes from the wicked of the night
Why would anyone take such safety from me?

Tossing my body delicately on the patterned carpet,
fingers playing with my sides lightheartedly, giggles erupting from within our souls
Why would anyone take such joy from me?

Whisper of voice blending so sweetly with the strings of music,
smiles cascade down our chins
Why would anyone take such peace from me?

Understanding glances without so much as an expression or an afterthought,
the sublime caress of vowels and consonants rolling swiftly through our tongues' exchange
Why would anyone take such love from me?

It started with a gun
that started with a bottle
that started with the scars
that started with the lies
that started with the insecurities
that started with the heartbreak
that started with the grievance
that started with a corpse
that started with the quarrels
that started with the cheating
that started with the drugs
that started with a state of being overwhelmed
that started with a child
that started with a toxic love
that started with a gun

I woke up with no voice to scream for help when I was seven
I had my right arm trampled on when I was eleven
I began the reoccuring battle of self harm when I was twelve
I experinced the death of my father when I was thirteen
I got sexually assaulted, gave away the start of my innocence, and experienced my first heartbreak when I was fourteen
I officially could call myself not a ****** at fifteen
I found out that my dad was a liar, cheater, and an awful soul and that if I don't watch out, I could end up like him (at sixteen)

And my mind cannot figure out which pained me most.

Just if you so listen, I would do anything
As soon as I stop crying, I'll crouch down on my knees
So caught up in the pleasure, you couldn't hear me plea
But that's okay, I had my time, this part is not about me
I'll come over after midnight only seeking out a shoulder
But you force me to repay you, unapologetically
I wipe my tears and strip my clothes, leaving all for him to see
Sometimes he locks me to the bed and threatens to throw the key
And all I am is a lost cause, caught up in the debris
Every night, it never stops - monotonously
And some night I may just not show up
Because I gave up on talking and letting him ***** me
Someday I will disappear,
I'll be his absentee

the truth is that I am not ready to hear it.

I used to think I would meet you again
Somewhere below the ever-rising stars
Clothed in your embrace, what I call a win
The moment my father takes out my scars

All that I long for is one last goodbye
So that Intsead I could beg you "please stay"
I thought you would hold me, say It's alright
And I wait every moment for that day

Oh, please come again; I know that you will
That's what I said when I thought of your death
Just the mere thought of you sends me to chills
I'll slowly await the feel of your breath

Yet now that I've grown, I know it's a lie
All you are is gone, why'd you have to die?

she writes
she writes with her newly applied nail polish
her new nail polish is black
her new nail polish is her favorite color
her favorite color is black because
ever since she caught glimpse of reality
that is all that she knows in her mind -
black,
morbid
her new nail polish
is forever.

The more your clothes come undone
the more your heart does the same
.
.
.