I never understood when I was younger

how beauty could shine through someone’s skin.

How ****** proportions and body shapes have little to do-

-with the true beauty inside of you

Around a trusted few
I let my walls down,

I silence the harsh voices in my head
to share with them, unfiltered,
my stories, not yet said

So when you tell me after
that my voice is too intense
That my stories were too long
and my emotions too immense

I wonder why I spoke at all
If only to be too much
I wonder if you care at all
to hear my thoughts untouched

I know I’m loud and spirited too
but I thought I could be myself
around you

I thought you liked me as I am
I thought you’d listen to my stories,
I thought you’d understand

Sometimes I go back to the past

I watch my twiggy legs shake, my hands grip my arms attempting to steady; to comfort

I watch myself form an invisible box around my body; a personal shield

While I begged for forgiveness that I didn’t need

My brain separated my consciousness from reality,

I said it all just like a story,
just like they had taught me



On my knees in front of your bed,
an altar for wrathful gods

I cried and I prayed for forgiveness that I didn’t need

I took all the blame, bared it like a cross
and carried it with me,

You gave me a title, a crown of thorns-
and watched me bleed  


And still while I bled, exposed on your cross,

You told me to beg harder, for the innocence I had lost

So I begged for forgiveness that I didn’t need


while he watched under the shade of your palm trees-