Sometimes I go back to the past

I watch my twiggy legs shake, my hands grip my arms attempting to steady; to comfort

I watch myself form an invisible box around my body; a personal shield

While I begged for forgiveness that I didn’t need

My brain separated my consciousness from reality,

I said it all just like a story,
just like they had taught me



On my knees in front of your bed,
an altar for wrathful gods

I cried and I prayed for forgiveness that I didn’t need

I took all the blame, bared it like a cross
and carried it with me,

You gave me a title, a crown of thorns-
and watched me bleed  


And still while I bled, exposed on your cross,

You told me to beg harder, for the innocence I had lost

So I begged for forgiveness that I didn’t need


while he watched under the shade of your palm trees-

Shady sunshine falls on a bright green hill

Chubby cheeks and ringlet curls

Frolicking around fat squirrels and dandelions

Spinning on a rope swing,
A blurry canopy of trees and laughter

Big smiles make us feel young

So we frolicked and danced

under the sun.

I wear a paper crown and a blanket as a robe

I bare my big front teeth with a grin

My voice echoes when I roar

My feet stomp carelessly, shaking the floor


I am not a king, possibly a prince?

I am wild and unruly and untamed

I am loud and rude and mean

Yet my fur is soft and my heart is clean


I am Max - or Maxine

King - or prince

of the Wild Things

To be loved is to be known

wholly, completely, and unfalteringly known

to be naked in front of one another


not with skin, but with one’s soul

Exposed and raw, shameful and afraid;

Beautiful and flawed, unabashed and free


To be loved is to be known,

Achingly, deeply, painfully known

to venture far past thorns and briars,


into dense woods and icy mountains.

To cut and scrape and climb your way through,

to wander into the unknown,

to shiver under blankets of snow.


To be loved is to be known,

to search the vast depths of ocean and sky and earth

looking for you-


-looking for the good and the bad too.

Attempting to harness, not capture, your heart.


Attempting to feel-


-the ever-changing seasons-


-of your soul.