So vast and unknown
Terrifying, yet beautiful
My greatest fear,
Yet my favorite thing in the world
I wish to get to know you better;
If only I could
Your sounds lull me to sleep;
Soft and gentle
The sight of you scares me to death;
The crashes,
The darkness underneath
I tried to conquer you,
Time and time again
But I can't
I'll just admire you from a distance

I loved you
You were my world
My everything
But now you're gone
Now I can see
You blinded me
You made me think
The world was good
The prime thing I noticed
You blinded me from you
You lied
You cheated
You made me think
We were okay
Happy even
You silently worked
Ripping
Tearing me
But I didn't know
You ruined me
I don't know anything
How to trust
How to love
I loved you

You are the sunset on the most beautiful beach
I am the sunrise on a slow Monday morning

You are a flower bursting through the concrete
I am a **** in your grandmother's garden

You are the iconic lights in Paris
I am the sewage drains in Chicago

You are a poet's work of art
I am just another mark on the page

You have the beauty.
The perfection.
The smile
And the laugh.

But me?
I will stay here.
Lost in your shadows.

I feel more alone when surrounded by people
The movements of a crowd
The chatter of the voices
The thousands of sounds
Bursting through my ears
When it is only me
I have someone
The words
They are always there
Never failing
They listen
They help
Without them, I'm better off dead.

I can't change who I am
I can't change my disorders
I am me and I can't change that
I have become my disorder
It is all I have left
Just an empty feeling
Lost. Alone.
The anxiety follows everywhere.
The only thing that helps is letting the words out
But there is no one left to listen
They got tired of my problems
They made the feelings reality
I need to change
I need a way out
But I just can't....

Let me out
I'm trapped behind your words
Your lies
They take over everything around me
Is there a way out?
Will you always be there?
Let me out

There's just something about you
I don't know what it is
Maybe it's your smile
Or the way you do your hair (or don't)
The way you don't care about anything happening around you
You walk through, no matter what
I admire that

There's just something about you
It makes me want to be strong
You're one of the strongest out there
The things you do **** me; in the best possible way
You make me happy, no matter what
I love that

There's just something about you
It makes me fall in love
Over
And over again

You keep to yourself
You don't let anything out
You let few people in
Your trust is a gift; close to no one receives
I had it once
I heard your deepest thoughts
Your darkest secrets
Those not even your best friend knew
I cherished every word
From the anxiety, to your God complex
I remember it all
But now, I don't even hear your greeting
Where did you go?
Please, say something.

I feel like death. It is taking over. I'm slowly dying. Nothing in life is bright. Darkness is swallowing me. Enveloping me. Taking my sense of feeling. I don't mind. Honestly. Though sometimes, I want to know what everyone else thinks. Sometimes I just want to feel alive. Happiness comes and goes for me. I can be having the time of my life; when out of nowhere it hits again. It feels like I have been hit by a train; just not quite hard enough to end it all. So I just lie there; unable to move. The tears fall, but no one sees. Is it because no one cares? Or is it all just in my mind?

I am alone.
There are people around, but I go unnoticed.
I've been replaced by my friends.
I'm not the child my parents hoped for.
My pain takes over my mind.
It gets to the point where
there is nothing to live for.
They say everyone has purpose;
Where is mine?
When it gets to this point,
it hurts to breath.
No one sees the pain in my eyes.
There is no one to help me.
I need someone.
Anyone.
This is no longer a poem;
But a call for help.

Is it safe to say that no one cares?
No matter what I try to say, no one notices.
I crave the attention of those around.
The only looks of concern thrown my way are those who think I'm insane.
I don't understand.
There are never any emotions from them.
Never as much as a reassuring smile.
Not even an 'are you okay?'
One day I'll be gone.
They won't notice.
They'll be fine..

I tried to change
I punished myself,
For every imperfection
But it seemed there was a new one everyday.
They wouldn't leave.
But when they didn't;
Everything else did.
My life disappeared.
Along with every 'friend'
The only one who was there was the shadow,
The one leading me down my path to destruction.
Weighing me down more with every step.
But I don't mind.
Because he will be there until the end..