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2.6k · Dec 2013
Heartbeat
What I would have given to hear your heartbeat,
Than to hold your ****** hand,
I would have given you all my love,
Played with you in Southern California sand,
I hope the Lord sings to you above,
I hope the heavens know your laughter,
That you are safely sleeping tonight,
I pray for you in the life that comes after,
This life that's stolen my maternal right

I still dream of you one day playing catch,
With your father out on an open lawn,
But that dream is forever never to be etched,
And he has long been gone,
The beautiful little family we could have made,
Now I'm lost with out you,  loveless and afraid,
What I would have given to hear your heartbeat.
2.2k · Sep 2014
If We Break
I feel myself falling deeper into you with every kiss,
Logic and strategy is further becoming dismissed,
Every light brush of your hand on my melting skin,
The beauty I find in our shameless, lovely, little sin,
The wind and glistening stars drown out passionate moans,
The strength you have shakes me to my diamond bones,
But if this is only temporary and we should break,
Remember me and the soul only you dared to awake.
I'm feeling creative again.
1.7k · Apr 2014
Freedom
My soul calls to the crashing waves,
Let me drift in you like withered wood,
Let me sleep in the glistening blue,
To wake up lost on foreign land,
To be free with you again.

My heart sings to the wild wind,
Carry me away with the gusting sand,
Carry me further and further away,
Lay me in the desert sun to feel,
To be free with you again.

My mind cries to these stone walls,
Crash down and let me go,
Crash around, fall to the ground
Let me see the beauty beyond your chains,
Let me be free by myself once again.
This poem is about how we loose our imagination and ability to find beauty in anything as children once the world has jaded us. It was inspired by a quote by Anne Frank in which she reminds us to "think about all the beauty still left  around you and be happy".
1.4k · Feb 2018
The "R-Word"
I, no I mean WE will not be defeated.
Now, hope might seem depleted
But I promise that at the end of the tunnel there is a light,
It might be small and barley in sight,
But it is there and it beckons for us to hold on,

Hold on to each other: our friends, our sisters, our brothers,
Because in a world full of hateful slurs,
Where name calling and bullying still occurs,
We need to see each other as more than just negative labels,
It is up to us to look into the eyes of hate and turn the tables,
You might look at that person different than you and call them names,
But all you do is lose sight of, that despite you trying to give them a new one, their name is James.

And James is a fricking genius. No he really is. He is solving high school math problems in the 3rd grade,
And that little James plays Behtoveen on the piano like it has never been played,
But you missed out on all his amazing talents and the best hug you will ever get,
Because you were too busy trying to impress your friends, not worried who you’d upset.  

It is time to learn there are a thousand better words than ******* or gay,
And most of y’all who use them don’t even know what they mean anyway,
So I will fight on to spread the word to end the word,
And no matter how many times they try and break us down,
I will never be deterred,
Because for the one’s I’ve known who are affected by this kind of speech,
For the kids I see every day, the students I teach,
I want them to live in the kind of place,
Where we give up hate and learn to embrace
So if you are with me, make the change today,
Buy a dictionary, find a better word to say.
This might be a sloppy poem but I just needed to get my frustrations out that people still use the words "gay" and "*******" so casually in conversations without any regard to the damage they are doing to others.

“If you judge people, you have no time to love them.”

― Mother Teresa
1.3k · Oct 2014
The Man in Sin City
When the haze of how we met finally cleared,
And your broken heart weighed heavier than it appeared,
When the nicotine air was overcome by a sweaty aroma,
And I awoke from my whisky-induced coma,
I remember seeing your face among the smoke,
And for once I felt someone hearing the words I spoke,
The long talks of fantasy and timeless novel,
Turned quickly into fear and endless grovel,
How you decorated your room with blood soaked artillery,
The long hours spent in your bathtub distillery,
All the while I offered you my heart,
To love you no matter the distance you put us apart,
Met only with your constantly draining rejection,
I came to find I was only part of your bed post collection,
But how I longed to feel your warmth once more,
The longing for you grew me tired and sore,
I thought you would never reciprocate my affections,
I placed my worth in your pathetic erections,
And now you ask me to stay- to love you in another state,
Oh but my dear this love is too much too late,
I cannot love someone I can never see,
I cannot love someone who could never love me.
The man in Sin City
1.2k · Feb 2013
Another Angry Ex Poem
I hate you more than you'll ever know,
I hate you more than I'll ever show,
I deserve so much better than what you were,
I deserved something a thousand times more,
You are everything I ever hated,
And all this time I have just waited,
To let you know your every flaw,
Every imperfection I ever saw,
You are a liar and a user,
A calloused, abusive loser,
You were killing me from the start,
You drained my soul and broke my heart,
I hate you more than I'll ever show,
I hate you more than I even know.
1.0k · Mar 2013
You Were Right
Dear friend, I am afraid you were right from the start,
We are but foolish beings holding onto foolish hearts,
Grasping and clawing for that one true soul,
An entity we blame for our lack of self control

And here I am, the worst offender in every case,
I treat love like marathons and sprints; an endless race,
I fall in, I fall out and it all starts at the sound of a gun,
But I fear my dearest friend, there is nowhere left to run.

From adolescence to rebellious youth,
I've held this silly type of love as ultimate truth,
But I have now faced all my demons and fears,
And my fairy tale has crumbled on pages soaked in tears,

So here I lie a breathless Juliet,
My story telling is ending, the sun is set,
Bruised bones and broken hopes,
Love lost in a dream now tangled in heartless ropes.
1.0k · Apr 2013
Semper Fidelis
"Ooh-rah", my darling semper fi,
I wish there was more behind this facade, this lie,
This stigma that falls around loving a marine,
Its not just dress blues and m-sixteens,

There's letters, lonely nights, and solitary hearts,
There's learning to awkwardly ****** your own parts,
There's the creeping feeling of insanity growing inside,
The rules and loyalties you must constantly abide,
All the while the front pages will place irrational fears,
That you will loose his soul to these wartime years,

Whether it be explosive passing or emotional withdrawal,
To lose him, your one true love, is the hardest type of fall,
But he'll keep his spirits up and you'll tell him to keep his head down,
And you will be patiently waiting for the moment he comes back around,

And as for myself,
I have not yet fallen and I will stay strong,
Even when my fears constantly prolong,
This tired journey I promised to embark,
Blindfolded, in love with my mind in the dark,

But my heart belongs to my marine; it will always be his,
Until he comes home and long then after, I will be Semper Fidelis.
1.0k · May 2022
9:02 on a Sunday
I want this life to read like an intricate novel. I don’t want to keep sitting at a computer all day while the romance of life slips through my arthritic fingers. They are meant to write beautiful prose that flow over our souls and cover them with golden warmth.

Yet they are tippy-tappy typing away at exhausting, unimaginative emails with signatures like “warmest regards” to cover how calloused my heart has become.

Sitting in this comfortable space behind a giant screen where nothing can hurt me is crippling.  We were meant to embrace the love this earth holds us in. We are supposed to bathe in rivers, meet strangers in different cities, and learn to fall. My knees should have scrapes, my elbows bruised from stumbles I take on dirt roads and motorbikes.

While my bones are intact, my life is what is breaking.
Corporate America and climbing the ladder got me like.
1.0k · Apr 2013
Impotent
There is no pretty way to hide these scars,
No makeup or dimly lit bars,
Could hide this sort of endless reality,
My ultimate and solitary frailty,
This inability to truly love.
983 · Apr 2013
Regrets I Can Never Atone
There will always be that one person,
Who will forever stick in your mind,
Who you knew you could have saved,
Had you only walked the line,

And to that person I am sorry,
I am sorry I ever let you go,
That I let go of your hand and watched you fall,
That I gave nothing, while you bore it all,

I am sorry for all the secrets I kept,
And for all the burdens I permitted,
I wish I hadn't run, that I was able to accept,
The truth for what it was, but I was too young.

I was too young and selfish,
Too needy and naive,
I was too focused on a wish,
Reality was too hard to perceive,

I never saw the difference between smoke and *******,
I couldn't see how it crystalized and destroyed your brain,
I rejected the fear of overdoses and excessive ****,
I never thought a lifestyle would become your death,

I am sorry I only ever pushed you once,
I would have done it a thousand more times,
If it could have saved those crazy eyes; that beautiful smile,
If it meant your body wouldn't become a John Doe on file.
938 · Feb 2013
Innocence Interrupted
There it was, the brightest light,
Scrambled towards it, my very first sight,
From there I was taken to my home,
There I learned I would never be alone,
Then came the plaid, the prayers and saints,
There I learned all my moralistic restraints,
Brush your teeth. Don't dye your hair.
Be careful how you speak and what you wear.
Never let a man use you for any pleasure.
Keep it locked up. It's marriages' treasure.
But GOD forbid you should ever fight back,
When they slap your *** and grab your rack,
Just brush their hand a way and cover up some,
Ignore the anger that renders you numb,
Keep it in and never say a word,
Women are better if never heard,
And so I kept my mouth sewed shut,
Held every memory in every useless cut,
That left the scars that haunted rebellious years,
And led me to trust strangers with my deepest fears,
I must have been born with some impure spirit,
To endure the evils these men are permit,
For innocence was interrupted so early on,
Stolen while waking up for a hazy dawn.

It was over and done so I moved forward,
I broke every rule written on the chalkboard,
Nothing was real and no one was true,
That was until I finally met you,
And the world is as it first was,
I smile now like every other girl does,
Even when you aren't here with me,
I still feel the love inside dancing free.

But once again all is interrupted,
Resurfacing any emotion I ever hid,
This time was worse, almost brutal,
I struggled but my efforts proved futile,
I am pained with remorse and endless guilt,
I let him break down all that we built.

Now every moment of ever day,
That horror repeats in my mind on replay,
And I scream inside every time we talk,
But my voice's value is under my tongue's lock,
Keeping it safe in my vocal vault,
In fear that this truly was my fault.
923 · Mar 2013
Our December Heartbeat
I have been through so little
But have felt so much
Or could it be vice versa
And reality is left untouched

Our hearts have been broken
Shattered and stabbed
With attempts to put together
The fractured pieces we've grabbed

Whether they were yours or mine
I can no longer remember
Forever to be frozen
In the midst of December

But I can no longer contribute
To this puzzle of fragmented love
For I am the one causing the pain
Holding a heartless heart, I long to be rid of.
I miss the pain,
The fire,
The self-destruction,
Their desire,

My weakness is my fragility,
My strength resilience,
My strength seeps into all weakness,

Now I am losing all ability,
There is no chance to pull though,
To push out of the dull pain,
No longer one of the select few,

I've dropped to the bottom of all holy things,
No clawing to the the top or even scraping the surface,
The weights become to heavy with the burdens it brings,

Alone again, alone in all this,
No saving hope; no faith in the risks,
I have been beaten by my own hands.
This was correlating to the pain (physical and emotional) that athletes go through during injuries that remove them from the things they worked to achieve.
836 · Apr 2013
Hit a Nerve
I will always remember my one true love,
The catch, the glide, the finish,
The way it seemed to take the hurt,
And make it all diminish,
But how could a love so pure,
Be the purest form of pain,
How was I ever to endure,
Living a life in endless vain,
For I pushed through every needle stitch,
Every procedure, broken bone and ailment,
I was rowing's little stupid *****,
I was the team's heaven sent,
I let every bone tear from the muscle,
Every tendon rip in half,
Through sprains and blood I hustled,
I kept pulling on that oar's dead shaft,
Until the pain went through my body,
The pressure to much for my canal,
I was all an athlete truly can embody,
I kept in it, kept up my morale,
But this moment here when I am scrutinized,
By the person I have been placed to serve,
Is when this dedication finally dies,
So no, its not the bulging discs inside;
It's this moment that really hit a nerve.
824 · Feb 2014
Rape Me
I want to feel you **** me again,
This time just like you tried back then,
I want to look you in your degenerating eyes,
To search inside all your precious lies,
The ones you were fed from youth,
The ones you believed as your truth,
I want to create your shattered reality,
And drive you into cowardice insanity,
I want to relive that desperate moment with you,
I want to ignore the pain and feel what was true,
I've released this relentless anger you inflicted,
But I know somehow you will always be addicted,
To the screams you heard on that delicate day,
So I wish to perform again and to your dismay,
No screams or pleas to stop the strain,
No ******* from body to brain,
Only stone cold eyes looking back at yours,
As your soul becomes the one mine devours.
Years after the incident, I finally feel like I am strong enough that I could face the devil himself without even flinching. My pain will no longer be someone else's satisfaction.
819 · Apr 2013
Porcelain
I am finding myself to be more than lost,
And it is at everyone else's cost,
I keep digging into myself,
But my life has been crystallized on a shelf,
And I am always up on his display,
Expected to act every other way,
Than the way I am and the way I want,
While he shows me off; so nonchalant,
And I try not to stumble and fall,
I try to be his perfect doll,
But the porcelain is starting to crack,
And my heart has been put under attack,
This old love for myself is coming back around,
This love I'm in was never really found,
And I want to run from his stupid game,
And rekindle my own loving flame,
With my soul that was blissful no matter what,
But I am finding that door was long ago shut,
So I stay here in this loveless love,
And let emptiness be all I think of.
776 · Jun 2013
Locked Heart
I wish I could feel tired,
That I could finally fall asleep,
Let go of all these  memories that seem to keep,
Keep me awake in the darkest of hours,
As the pain in my heart slowly devours,
Reality and truth; innocence and youth,
How am I such a stone cold wall,
When on my sleeves, I bear it all,
I want to break free from this pale room,
To fly past the the smoke and menthol fumes,
But I am stuck captured in his arms,
A sucker for all his deceiving charms,
And I will never leave his heart,
It is my tortured, self depicting art.
762 · Aug 2013
Lost Heartbeat
I am so cold in this summer heat,
Frozen in an endless defeat,
I see you and your heart beating,
I see your love, my dear, retreating,
I tried so hard to break free of your grasp,
But your tears trapped me in their clasp,
You were the one who asked me to stay,
Yet you are the one whose gone today,
Left me with not even a goodbye,
Left me here to slowly die,
I lost our child, I lost our life,
And here I stand with my lonely knife,
All I needed was to feel just fine,
Just a little bit like you were mine,
But I can not even bear you a kid,
My body's production has been forbid,
In silence I hold such terrible secrets,
Loneliness is all my heart now permits,
I hate you for forcing me into this darkness,
Of a sadness I can ultimately never confess.
756 · Feb 2013
Breathe
Calm and quite,
Away from it all,
Long grass holds my body,

Breathe...
Fresh air,
Crisp,

Like nothing else,
No movement,
Just the wind,
Moments pass by,
But time stands still,
People come,
And people go,
But somehow,
They were never here.
She was the hardest love I ever held.

Constantly berating herself based on her fears,
The cruelty of others had guarded her heart from loving,
Lie by lie, brick by brick they built walls around her,
She hid behind the pain of past lovers and false friends,
Unwilling to trust again.

She was the hardest love I ever held.

I tried to demolish her walls that caged her in,
But as I tried to, she built them higher and heavier,
Until they tumbled into debris under their own weight,
And there she was. Scared. Beautiful. Innocent. Guilty.
Unwilling to trust herself.

She was the hardest love I ever held,
But I’ve held her every day I’ve lived.
688 · Aug 2013
Encase Me, Salty Waves
It is such a wonderful feeling,
To be immersed in something,
Something so much larger,
So much grander than myself.
684 · Feb 2013
May Your Soul Find Its Way
You will always be the best,
So much better than all the rest,
When you left you took my heart too,
We both knew it could never leaver you,
And when I kiss the stars goodnight,
Know its me kissing you and holding on tight,
To all the memories and moments we shared,
To knowing you were always the one who cared,
I hope you know how much I did love you,
While you cross the heavens to a world a new,
I hope you hold my love in the palm of your hand,
I hope you know my love will always stand,
It's timeless love and even though you are gone,
I will remember whenever they play our song,
And when it is all finally over and done,
You will always be the only one.
I wrote this poem when I was 16 after I lost the love of my life and to this day he is still in my heart.
680 · Jul 2013
Weightless Winters
I miss cold November days,
And snowy December skies,
I miss snuggling in a distant haze,
And watching the sun rise,
I long for your warmth in frigid nights,
Your hands to grace my body once more,
Nostalgic are the cities scattered lights,
With comforting thoughts of the one I adore.
680 · Feb 2013
The Prince's Death
O, how many sorrows the past brings,
How the future is held captive by its knotted strings,
And now I am truly starting to realize,
That somewhere hidden in all my lies,
While in my travels, off the road I I fell,
I let regret hold me in its lasting spell,
And so many regrets have haunted me since,
I lost my senses in the death of my prince.
Matty
674 · Feb 2013
Moving On
Standing here looking down,
Turning my back on this forsaken town,
Leaving here is not so easy,
Memories become worthless debris,
This place I've come to know,
Swept away in life's continuous flow,
And here in this moment in time,
The night sky seems so sublime,
Stars spread over the city lights,
Billboards scrambles at different heights,
Moving headlights along the freeway,
I turn around filled with dismay,
Walking in my cement shoes,
Wondering which path I should choose.
660 · Feb 2013
Scarlet Tears
Tears of scarlet run down my face,
I can no longer feel his warm embrace,
Let go of his life now,
Kiss him once more on the brow,

Can I not see he wants to go?

Our hearts were torn through the rough bone,
We are here sitting, silent and alone,
Let me fall into some deep, wretched sleep,
Let my soul be for heaven's keep,

I am nothing without him

Hold him close with his lifeless limbs,
Dangling, while you sing leftover hymns,
Goodnight my darling, Goodbye,
I will always regret hearing you cry.
Matty
650 · Feb 2013
Closure
A glass of wine,
A cigarette,
Sitting on the rooftop,
Watching the sun set,

Warm air,
Pink skies,
I breathe in,
And the old me dies,

Final glow,
Clouds light and sheer,
I find myself,
Letting go of fear,

Lightened darkness,
Specks of blue,
I am finally able,
To let go of you.
Matty, you will always be in my heart.
622 · Feb 2013
Pretty Eyes
"Let me see those pretty eyes"
I'M DROWNING IN THIS BLACK ABYSS
"I love it when my darling cries"
HIS OPEN PALM, MY CLENCHED FIST
"Look up at me sweet little girl"
I CAN FEEL MYSELF BECOMING STONE
"Put this on and give it a twirl"
IN HIS DEAD COMPANY, I STAND ALONE

He closes the doors and cracks the windows,
Screaming voices are covered when the wind blows,

I wish to stop but I can never end,
The tearing flesh unable to mend,
Save me lord, for I'd try for myself,
But I chose this, I chose this splintered shelf, ,
I can not fix the past with all the lights off,
I can't gag, can't breath, can't even cough,
My tears have run dry with the river,
Choked my lifeline and made my heart quiver,
I am a play thing that always plays along,
Stuck in this playground I no longer belong.
620 · Jul 2013
Born to Die
I promised to never sing so sadly,
But lately every tune seems off key,
Grasping onto the notes and chords,
Trying to unscramble melodic words,
But they all fall off the lines of the paper,
They swim in brew and pools of liquor,
I find myself crying out to some hopeless God,
But my wings are stained- his crown is flawed,
Tarnished by living in this mortal world,
Where the future is the past unfurled,
A struggle that ends in only one tragic way,
The closing scene to a calamitous play,
But no beast or man is in my scene, no, just I,
Placed here to abide to a life that was born to die.
618 · Oct 2014
Fickle
My soul is a wandering, weary thing
Fickle by nature with no sign of slowing down,
It thrusts me into breathless danger,
But innocence is no longer blind.
All problems, heartaches and adventure directly stem from our inner most being. We can not change it so we must just follow it and have faith it will guide us.
610 · Feb 2013
Twisted
My hand lay upon your chest feeling you breathe,
You smell of whiskey and cigarettes,
Whenever you tell me you love me - I believe,
I promise to be there whenever the sun sets

I carry you and set you down on the moist grass,
So jaded yet you sleep like a young child,
Your hands painted red with shattered glass,
But my worries went away when you smiled

Close your glassy eyes and I will protect you,
I will hold you near when the night airs fade,
So precious and yet so vulnerable too,
But when together we are never afraid

I drew you close and silently whispered,
I love with a love that will never be heard.
Matty
608 · Feb 2013
3 AM
Shattered rose,
Clear water,
Floating clocks,
Don't let time stop.

3 AM,
The sky fell,
Pieces raining down,
dropping into purple rivers,
Rivers that overflow,
To meet the trees,
Trees that grow tall,
Past the once present sky,
Reaching to the stars,
Stars that dance furiously,
Startling the sun,
Sun the swims through,
Through the universe,
And slowly fades,
Leaving the moon to watch,
Watch over the innocent children,
Dreaming while they sleep,
Dreaming of a broken rose,
Drenched in cold water,
Water that freezes,
Freezes time,
3 am.
600 · Apr 2013
Lead Me Not Astray
My dearest heart,
Stop playing such childish games,
My mind's not good at remembering all these names,
I can't seem to keep track or understand,
Why you refuse to find a safe place to land,
You've dragged me in and out of danger,
You've put me in beds with almost strangers,
Made me wish I bit off my tongue,
And lets not forget every time you said "he's the one"
Had me let him put that stupid ring on my finger,
Now only his memories seem to linger,
So please, my dearest crazy heart,
In this time I am not allowed new love to start,
Keep straight and narrow; walk the line,
Allow me the strength to ultimately decline,
For you hold my reputation in your grasp,
Your essence stay present in his strong clasp,
Lead me not astray when you want to wander,
Don't stir up new feelings you love to conjure,
For I can not lose the grace I worked to fall in,
I can't not purify that sort of sin.
592 · Feb 2013
Sinners
This lie that I have come to know,
This pain I can never show,
I stand here a stone cold fake,
Who has given you all of me to take

Trying to stop this horror ride,
Trying to push this life to the side,
But you keep coming back in here,
Forcing me into that same **** fear,

I don't want to lie anymore,
Its time to break down this metal door,
Don't kiss me once again,
Don't place your cold hands on my skin,

You can no longer do this,
I can't rely on divine forgiveness,
I am more than you will let me show,
I am stronger now, I've learned to grow,

I deserve to finally be well,
I deserved more than your twisted hell,
Please stop dragging me down, dragging me in,
Into this brutal life of solid sin.
574 · Apr 2013
Kindred Hearts
Tears over an everlasting love,
Emotions attempt to push, to shove,
Torn hearts trying to mend,
Messages I wish I could send,

How I long to lay my head on your chest,
How I want to see you and forget the rest,
The rest of the world and their judging eyes,
Who are they to say where my soul lies?

Every time I hear the sound of my phone,
I pray it's you telling me I am not alone,
But it never seems to be you on the line,
Just men of the mediocre kind,

How I long to steal away from this place,
And wrap myself in your comforting embrace,
Where I can rest until we are both old and gray,
On a rocker overlooking the Californian bay.
568 · Apr 2013
The Vice of Venture
Day to day we live for that breath,
That fresh air that comes with a Friday night,
The release; the distractions we create for ourselves,
Often at our own heart's expense,

That same fresh air we crave we cloud with nicotine smoke,
While we drown ourselves with fermented poison,
Our distractions slowly killing our bodies,
Yet freeing our souls,

We yearn for acceptance, love and praise,
Trapped in attempts to relive glory days,
Wrapped in broken ideologies adverse to our own,
Ones we can never truly understand or attempt to atone,

As we throw ourselves deeper and harder in love,
With a memory of happy highs and endless nights,
We loose our bodies to venture into our infinite spirit.
549 · Feb 2013
Little Doll
Cut the rope and let me fall,
Give it away, give it all,
I want nothing to be left,
Take it all and I'll take death

The strength I once had has faded,
There is no pure river in once I waded,
Alone I cry, to loneliness himself,
Stuffed me with cotton, placed me on his shelf,

I am nothing but a spectacle,
My eyes grown lifeless and dull,
I once was strong, patient and proud,
Now chained and stapled,
My voice no longer allowed,

These pictures fall to pieces; they're too heavy to hold,
I can't hang them together when the memories are too old,
The walls crumble around my fragile heart,
Priceless images now fractured art,

Save me, please save me once more,
Hold your foot in the concrete door,
Or leave me to scream in empty silence,
Left to my mind's vicious violence,

Wreck this love,
Wreck this home,
Let me fall,
O please, take it all
I'd rather die this way,
Than continue to crawl another day.
510 · Feb 2013
Those Three Damn Words
I promised myself I wouldn't say it,
I promised myself I would never admit,
But I am standing her with you in my arms,
Falling for all your ******* charms,
And I want to hate you so badly,
To protect my fragile heart, and sadly,
I've done pretty **** well so far,
From opening up every old scar,

But here and now in this evanescent place,
Staring up into your sleepy face,
Those silly feelings come crawling back,
And my life gets tossed off track,

I just want to scream the words inside my heart,
Hold onto your hands and never depart,
But even then, I'm not saying what I should,
Scared it will never be truly understood,
Maybe I should start out slow...

"Darling, there's something I want you to know,
It starts with an I and ends with a you,
One look at me, you'll know its true,
That somewhere in between the us,
There is something I'm scared to discuss,
Buts its building and about to break free,
I should admit that to some degree,
I am almost there, I am almost ready,
To say the words that make me unsteady,
That all long I always knew,
That I could never fall in love with you.
497 · Feb 2013
Temporary Lover
Every moment we shared,
Every time you dared,
To hold me down and kiss me,
Did you know it was only temporary?

The days that past,
I thought it would last,
Everything that you'd do,
Do you do for her too?

Once you had fallen in love with her,
And soiled all that was pure,
Why didn't you try to end it,
Rather than making squares and circles fit?

Every time that you said you loved me,
Did you know it would only be temporary?
496 · Oct 2013
I Always Knew
Looking back and at all the signs,
Seeing the memory that always rewinds,
I guess I should have felt this coming,
Love can't be woven with such fragile string,
I regret holding so tightly to the nonexistence,
I pushed and pulled with such resistance,
I threw you down I picked you up,
We made love, but you always ******,
I wanted to keep you safe in my heart,
But we were broken before we fell apart,
I wrecked my love, you wrecked my home,
Locked in these tattered walls all on my own,
The ones you clawed and finally broke down,
But you let the waves crash in; you let me drown,
There is no hope here; there is nothing left,
I will always morn our tragic death,
But I guess I somehow always knew,
That I was never meant to love you.
487 · Apr 2013
Ending
You used to hold me tight,
On the warm summers night,
You told me it'll all be alright,
That happiness is still insight,

You'd kiss me on my forehead,
As we laid in earth's bed,
You'd buy me flowers stained red,
"It will stop" was all you ever said,

You would run your fingers through my hair,
My darkest secrets I would come to bear,
Your skin was so warm, welcoming and fair,
I truly believed that you would one day care,

But you became so angry and deranged,
When even the simplistic plans were changed,
The violet-ebony markings became noticeable,
All whilst my heart grew to feel the trouble,
I was unable to continue the struggle; the worthless fight,
I had to end the love that was never truly right.
481 · Feb 2013
Breaking
Bitter moments,
Bitter thoughts,
My tongue is twisted,
In a thousand knots,

I lie too much,
I lie through my teeth,
I wish I could show you,
What lies beneath,

Faking my ideas,
Faking my mind,
If only there was a way,
To make it all rewind,

I love no one,
You don't love me,
Darling, why can't love,
Be what it's supposed to be?

The piles of lies,
And piles of tears,
Will finally leave me,
When I let go of my fears,

Fear of loneliness,
Fear of height,
If only i knew,
What I'm doing is right.
471 · Feb 2013
My Heart
My heart has stopped beating,
And in my mind,
My thoughts retreating,

But wait, see there in the distance,
A piece of hope,
Is in resistance,

Moments grow long,
And time goes on,
My heart breaks until its strong,

A stone cold fortress,
To carry me onward,
In these times of such bitter distress.
460 · Feb 2013
Dreamers
Whispering on the phone,
You're gone but I am not alone,
In a different time, a different place,
So far away but I still see your face.

We are just two dreamers talking all night,
Just two dreamers making things right.

Everything from the past, my history,
Has disappeared and finally let me be,
For when I look into your eyes,
I am lifted and leave behind all my lies.

We're just two dreamers forgetting our sorrow,
Just two dreamers dreaming for tomorrow.
Matty
457 · Jul 2013
If You Are Real
I am so scared of you,
My darling angel,
I am so scared of the future,
I've try to stop it with every spell,
But I promise you this,
And I promise it well,
I will love you forever,
If the life inside me is real.
449 · Aug 2015
The Endless Sorrow of War
You never really came home
Did you, my love?

Tortured memories from hell below  
As you prayed to above.

You were boys sent to fight a rich man's war
As they greedily drank the blood you poured
While the nightmares drained every last drop of you
Exhausted by the torment they put you through.

Friends. Brothers. Lovers.

Now all scattered parts across a foreign land
Their ashes set deep within the dry desert sand.

Vivid memories now stir you in the night
The fearful flames in your eyes shining so bright

And I see you trying to drown out the mournful flame
Yet you hide the whiskey on your breath with endless shame
As I conceal my bruised body and battered heart
I love you but was never fit to play such a part.

So in my anguish - I acknowledge yours
Filled with anger for the innocence that once was our
Now cruelly trapped behind these post-war bars.
431 · Feb 2013
Tired
I've become so tired,
Tired of you always being wired,
Put it down and stop doing this,
Go back to the you that I miss

All your sad addictions,
All your mutilating inflections,

This is the lie you keep on telling,
Too bad I'm not buying what you're selling,
This isn't who you are; it isn't you,
Stop thinking it's what you have to do

You are better than this life,
Stop living it in silly strife

I love you so much,
I love your smile, your touch,
You're so intelligent and smart,
I've seen you and your glass heart,
I know you think you are nothing,
That fear is all you have to bring,
But you've given me a reason to live,
You have so much, so much love to give

You deserve so much more,
So please open one last door,

I am here to help you through your fear,
I have been there, been right where you are,
But I have broken free and come so far,
Darling throw away those useless pills,
They're just how your dealer pays his bills,
He doesn't know that you can be strong,
That together we can right all that is wrong.
Matty
430 · Feb 2014
Angle of Attack
I don't want to ever wear white,
Or have that "Mother's Glow",
We both know that dress,
Was stained long ago,
And I don't want to walk down an isle,
Because I know it would probably rain,
I am sorry if I ever drove you,
To the brink of insane,
All because I had to spread,
My hell-raising wings,
But I love the open road,
And the freedom it brings,
I feel the most beautiful,
With the wind in my hair,
Driving fast down the highway,
Breathing in the salty air.

But I'm not sorry at all,
I'm not sorry you went insane,
Because all it ever really was,
Was you losing to your own game,
My wrists will never belong,
In your desperate restraints,
They belong to my hands,
My mind and the colors it paints,
So don't let that first tear fall,
Don't let it trickle down that baby face,
Save it for some insecure, desperate girl,
You don't even have to chase,
Because I'm gone, Oh baby I'm gone,
And I'm never coming back,
I don't feel guilt because it was you,
Who put yourself in the angle of attack.
421 · Oct 2013
Walking Alone
I wish I could still say I love you,
But I am finding it harder and harder to do,
I know you were hurt, I understand,
I know our love wasn't as planned,
But you left me there bleeding alone,
Trapped in a suicidal, torturous home,
I had never felt so solitary and abused,
Never have I felt so unwillingly used,
I held the remnants of what should be a child,
I felt the pain run through me so wild,
I wish I could say I still love you,
I wish we could hold on and see this through,
But I can never trust that you could ever be there,
I can only trust myself to walk through this despair.
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