The ocean inhales and exhales
Same as you and I
Ebb and flow, my darling-
Spitting gusts of breeze
From its salty, gaping mouth
Screaming the sounds of gulls,
Singing sounds of lovers.

Where do they come from,
Where do they go?
I’d fly south in your wake
To seek your brighter days,
Soak in your summer air.
I chase you until I drown.
The water in my lungs tastes sweet.

I will not avoid
and I will not forsake you.
I will only soak you in like the sunshine
and drink you like holy wine,
let my body fall
into your hills of winter snow.

I want to breathe you in
like oxygen.
Breathe you in until I’m high.
I want to take you to mountaintops
and kiss you in rainforests
and dance with you in tulip fields
with my hands at your waist,
your hair grazing my neck.
Teach me your language-
I want to speak your tongue
and become fluent in
the taste of you.

I want to ride upon those feathers
That cut through sightless, icy night
Or glisten in the sunbeams
And soar throughout the bright

I’d like to know just what she spoke of
When she heard it sings its tune
To hear the notes hang overhead
Ever present like the moon

I want to look within my soul
To see that same thing in its nest
That beautiful thing with feathers
Beneath my very chest

And the homely girls
The plain-faced girls
The four point fives out of ten
With crooked noses or
Baggy eyelids or
Halos of glorious frizz-
And, even better,
All of the above

Every feature she hates
Is the one I cherish
When the ugly girl
Nitpicks her eyes, mouth,
Ears, nose, teeth, hands,
Hair, skin, ****, *****, legs-
I just love her even more

There’s an unspoken kinship
Between the girls with
The acne, the bad teeth,
The timid smiles and slouched backs
Because we dare to exist
Despite all we’ve been told
Us audacious angels
Of alternative attraction

The most powerful force of the planet:
The ugly girl.

My being betrays expectations
Conceived before my wake
That think me something small,
Delicate, like a gold-etched china plate
So they toss me to the ground
To hear me shatter, see me break
Maybe kick around the pieces
Into angry spiralled shapes

It’s to my aid that I was built to last
I’m stitched with strength at every seam
I care not to confine myself
To what I’ve been assumed to be
Me, I’ve found enchantment
Within most things the eye can see
And though I bleed emotion
There’s no weakness in these tears I weep

I’ll climb up to the mountaintops
To show you every song I know
My voice will travel miles
To places and pitches, high and low
For the world to see I’m larger than ever
Even if I haven’t grown
Even if I’m close to the ground
You will never reach the places that I roam

Another poem spent on the same person
And another guilty glance of how you’re doing, where you’ve been
I can’t escape the white-knuckled grasp
That the reminders of our clandestine kisses
Hold over my memory
In defiance of my most miserable efforts
To rid my heart of your presence
Unmatched by any other human, for better or for worse
Better off I am without you
But better off I am having known your gaze
Having received your touch, second only to words
Of beauty, like birds dominating the breeze
Or the ripples of a vast blue lake
Undisturbed by the misgivings and mistakes of the world
Worldly matters so insignificant within a moment of love
That ignites the atmosphere into passionate glory
Permeating the surface of any passersby
I pass by your house on strolls through lanes of reminiscence
And I slip in through the open door
Just to step into the place I once belonged
In sorrowful attempts to relive what has already faded
Ashes to ashes, infatuation to gnawing pain
Blistery, aching, criminal pain that refuses to leave
As long as I live, both my pleasure and strife will remain
From a body and mind so young
Tainted by you, but in the most delicious way
Salivating mouths will never fail to feed
Upon what is placed before them
Thus I will always indulge
On my addictive memories of you

I am going to write a happy poem
For once, I’ll neglect images of eternal damnation
And trade them for clementine peels and pomegranates
I’ll look up at forgiving skies with the eyes of a child
Rather than down to the mud beneath my aching feet
I am going to have some hope
I will grit my teeth and drag my feet, but I will do it
If I try hard enough, maybe I’ll convince myself this isn’t an apocalyptic fantasy
That there’s light at the end of any grim tunnel
I’ll skip through a field of daisies in a gentle breeze
Will do anything besides grimace when I think of the future
I’ll wrap my arms around my trembling body and make a first attempt at believing it’ll all be okay
I am going to learn how to swim
And instead of choking and sputtering as chlorine ignites my throat
I’ll float down the lazy river and ignore the world
The ocean won’t be frightening, won’t be unknown
I will push the pedals on my two-wheeler and never look back
Hope, this foreign concept, a new friend, will propel me
I’ll ride into a broad valley and rest my head on the soft grasses
And instead of reverting to my typical ways
I’ll spin around until I’m dizzy, intoxicated by hope
I am going to write a happy ending for once.

I’ve been sleeping far too much lately and
Letting the days waste away
Watching them fade into one another until
There’s no substance left
And I’ll admit I’m still thinking of you
Despite the years that separate the
Volatile future from the ambient past
Yes, the anger still lurks inside me
But my lonely heart still seeks you, still
Hurts that I’ll never find something like
What we were; you and I could have
Been beautiful in another place or time
I don’t think I forgive you, I don’t think that’s right
That doesn’t keep you off my mind, doesn’t
Stop me from wondering how you are
From checking up on you, out of hate or morbid love
I’ve come to the uncomfortable conclusion that
You’ll be a part of me until I die
That you’re tangled in my being, inextricably and
Curiously I’ve come to accept it
Come to accept what has been but won’t be again
Sometimes I wish I had a better farewell
Something that won’t ache when one of us dies
I wish I could send you this poem for old time’s sake
But I’m not prepared
To ever see you return into my life

I’m just a girl
In all my infinite capacities and
Metamorphosizing intricacies
I read, write, and sing with grace but
My heart is simple and
Love is too easily found

Infatuation bleeds in purples and reds
Inside the aching soul, aching
Bones and joints and body parts that
Yearn for something greater or
Something to warm the soul
So simple and foolish for love.

If I were to fall on the floor and
Shatter like a porcelain plate, would you
Gather all the scattered shards and
Piece me together again?

You built yourself a mirror
Upon bright and tired eyes
That surveyed your reflection
So piously fantasized
So, **** your compositions
Whether praise or diatribe
I won’t covet a kiss from lips
Stained of stolen wine

Yet, despite my anger
I see your face within the lights
Like a painful apparition
Of a past melodic life
I’ll forever hold your damage
In my heart, my love, my strife
Now cut your justifications
And think of me tonight

Even in a ******* town, the trees
Blush with their leaves of red and golden yellow
It creeps up gently every year
Until the sun shies away so early
And the cold day is over so soon

Everything’s quite insignificant when
The world unfolds her loving arms
At this angle of the sun, this pinpoint in shifting time
I feel shadowed by the sun yet
Enlightened by the expansive sky

The last green leaves cling tightly to the trees
But everything else in freefall, barring gravity
Who am I but a drop in the ocean?
Who am I but a kiss to the breeze?
Still, they crinkle in the sunlight

My life may remain meaningless
These days may never know true peace
And we’re so small, splattered against the
Endless background of the earth and the sun
Dwarfed beneath the stretches of indiscriminate sky

I want a love that’s smooth and sweet
Pure and plentiful like
Cold, clear streams emptying into
Brilliant and beautiful bays
The secret to the vitality of life
A pick-me-up, a warm cup of tea

I want a love that swallows me whole
Wraps me in its massive wings
Until I’m safe and sound
Gentle feathers stroke my cheek
To attain the one thing I’ve sought
For years, to feel safety within my soul

I want a love that refuses to die
Even when I’m burnt out like embers
It soars somewhere above
Still filling its lungs with the sweetest oxygen
Alive just as the breeze
As clouds, the air, every beautiful piece of sky