it's funny how
you tried to tell
me how to feel and
how to act and what
to say when in the end
you turned out to be the
one without any self control

i'm tearing my flesh from
my bones to feel something
and yes it hurts and yes
there's a mess and yes my
family is screaming and
i would be too if i didn't
think you'd get angry at
me for distracting you

you always asked me
why i sleep so much
but the truth is i don't
get more than a few
hours of sleep
i lay awake all night
waiting for someone
to notice i'm alone and
i'm scared and i can't
seem to find a reason
to live
i wanted you to notice
i was dropping hints
i was leaving clues
i was waiting

they'll say you're too
young and you have
no experience and you
don't know what you're
doing and it's impossible
at your age but *******
it you know what you
feel and you're not about
to let that go for anyone or
anything and that's all that
matters

you left a hole
in my heart and
i know you didn't
mean to but **** it
it hurts and i can't make
it stop

you can't call me at
4am and expect me
to apologize for all
of your mistakes and
you can't tell me what
to do all of the time
and call that love and
you can't question my
every move  and say
that it's all my fault and
you can't control me
anymore

you called
me so many
names i could
barely keep track
but i did and i can't
help but wonder how
i let you hurt me so often
or how i managed to stay sane