The first time I fell inlove
I never knew I'd fall so hard
I never knew
It would be this hard
To love and be loved
The happiness
Engulfs you
Leaving no room
For imperfection
Everything seems perfect
But in reality
It is far from perfect
The heart matters
And everything else doesn't
Like a spell
You can't help it
Until that spell
Slowly melts away
And reality
Slowly seeps in
I come to see
What's really in front of me
And it's nowhere
Near from fantasy

This 2019, This year
May be different from others
To forget all of you
And to ultimately
How to let go, of you

I hate myself for loving you
You knew how to catch me
Yet leave me hanging
Always reaching for you
But never for me

It's 2019, I thought I knew
Better than to keep you
Wondering in my thoughts
Yet again, finding its way
Even in dreams you knew
You knew how to catch me

You shouldn't be on my mind
I told myself a thousand times
But still find your way
Creeping and lingering again
In my brain and my mind

Why do I even like you
You have the qualities that I don't like
But it seems something
Is pulling me towards you
Like a magnet to a metal
I can't resist to you
And whenever you're there
I can't stop smiling
And whenever you're not there
My mind is pre occupied
With the thoughts of you
My day starts and ends
With the thoughts of you
And leaves me thinking
Will there be a day
That you would even think of me?

Sometimes when I feel down
I can't help but frown
Something deep down
Causes me to frown
Obscure, weird and unknown
Something inside boils down
Bit by bit, it screeches
Laceration so deep
I can't help but smile
To hide the pain
That haunts me
Even if I smile

I can't stop thinking
About you
And all you do
There is no reason
That I can think
For when you came
I don't know what to do
Whatever I do
I can't get you off my mind
I did everything
But I still think of you
Now what do I do?

Almost forgotten
And I almost forgot myself
For not being able to express myself
Through writing
These thoughts that have been kept for so long
That I've already forgotten them
Waiting to be reawaken once again
To ignite the fire that has been sleeping
For quite some time
Has now been reawaken once again
For I know, deep in my heart
It is still there

I fell inlove with your smile
Your smile is what makes my day
I crave for it, each day
Wanting it more each time
Until you stopped smiling
And I don't know why
I searched for answers
But I found none
Your smiles turned into frown
And Im sad thinking why
I wanted to see you smile
Even for one last time

Today, I'm sad
Maybe because I didn't see you
But then you passed by
And stopped for a bit
For a little chat maybe?
Unfortunately, It's not me
You were happy
I'm happy too
Seeing you happy
It was for a few minutes
But before you go
You looked at me
With the sincerest smile
As you always did
I smiled too
Even if I'm not the reason
For your smile
Just seeing you happy
Is more than enough for me

I never knew
That something that brings you happiness
Is the one that brings you sadness
The smile that turned into frown
Never knowing
How to cope up
For once, I thought
I found the one
Then one day
It was all gone
And expectations shattered
By my own belief
And so I knew
If I knew it will end like this
I wouldn't have started at all

The happiness that I should've kept
Only become empty memories
Farewell, to our memories
That I once treasured, So dearly
That it's the only thing that occupies me
Now, its the only thing that shatters me
Will I ever have the courage
To let go of the things I held
And hold back the tears
In my eyes, that was once gladness
Or let it flow, to ease the pain

It pains me to see
That the source of joy
Become the source of sorrow
For I thought, I knew better
Better than anyone else
But so I failed
And proved them right
Wallowing in sadness
On my own
For no one knew
And no one cared
The pains it brings me
And maybe, just maybe
In time, it will be fine

For a short time we met
I thought I knew you
We shared ideas, and laughs too
Some hobbies and music too
This went on for some time
Even world's apart
We were just a text away
Different timezones
We adjusted a little well
Everyday we would text each other
Excited, for everyday
Every Phone buzz
Thinking it was you
And most of time, it is
I would answer instantly
Whenever I had the chance too
I thought we understood each other
Like a real friend
In the online world
Then it happened
One day, you were asking for more
Something that I cannot give
Everything changed
And so did we
Thank you for the lesson
I've learn't for a short time
Goodbye, to memories that we have created
Illusions that I may have of you
For I know, they are not real
And so are you

You were there,
always by my side
Never doubting
You'll leave my side
But a raindrop fell
And I reached for your hand
But you were gone
Nowhere to be found
Echoes heard
Instead of answers
In an instant
You were gone
Leaving me thinking
Why?

You're funny
As I thought you were
Making me laugh
Every single time
Cracking me up
Always
Recycled Jokes
That were made special
Being said by you
I always like talking
And laughing
But only with you
You bring out
The clown in me
That's funny
As I learned it from you

Truth is hard to find
But harder to find in people
But you shouldn't be sad
Because truth shows up
In unexpected ways
And will always find a way
To you and through you
Take the time to appreciate
The people
That are true to you

Mornings are great
Since I met you
You make me happy
Just by living in it
And I'm thankful
Spending time
Everyday with you

I am sad and lonely
But who wouldn't be?
In this state
I'd rather not say
Alive but barely living
You could say
They chose me
I have no choice
Will there be a day
That I can be free?

It's hard to fall for someone
Never knowing
If they'll catch you
So you fell hard and flat
Onto the floor
Still lucky
The floor was there
To save you
And a wake up call
To never fall again

Why is it so easy
Easy to fall
For the wrong one
Yet, there are many
Who are right for me?
Why do I always fall
Fall for the wrong one?

I can easily forgive others
I love being around them
Make them laugh, if I can
Lend a hand if needed
And always listen
And all these years
Im still left wondering
Is there some love left
For someone like me?
Can I ever love myself
Like I ever loved others?
Will I ever listen and care
As delicately and passionately
As I would with others?
Perhaps, neglect is the perfect word
A word that best embodies it
Neglect to what is needed
What I am craving
What I've been longing
From what I thought
I could get from others
Is already within me
Only failing to realize
That loving me
Is not an option
But a must

People say
Love is blind
But I am blind
To the truth
In front of me
I can see through my eyes
But can't see the truth
In front of me
Love isn't blind
But I am

You were there,
always by my side
Never doubting
You'll leave my side
But a raindrop fell
And I reached for your hand
But you were gone
Nowhere to be found
Echoes heard
Instead of answers
In an instant
You were gone
Leaving me thinking
Why?

It's a shame
We end it this way
But still happy
I ended up this way
We may never met
And just part ways
But I'm grateful
For meeting you
Along the way
Learn't a few lessons
That'll last more than a day