i like
how space doesn't care
about me

at least
it is impossible
to disappoint
the sun

i would tear off my limbs
crawl in front of you
bow my head
and ask

- what more can i give you

and i would cut out my eyes
find my way to you
bow my head
and ask

- what more can i give you

and i would rip out my heart
serve it on a plate
bow down
and ask

- what more can i give you

no matter what you requested next
you would get it
and if you’d requested my life
i would be the happiest
to give it to you
to give it to the person
who owns
my body
heart and
soul

you got me into it
and i trusted you
i thought i would be fine

but it shattered me
left me in p i e c e s
and i let you break me
time and time again
because i thought it was love
and that you'd keep me sane

when you in fact suffocated me
with the same hands
you'd traced my skin
telling me i was the most beautiful
of all your secret sins

nights are grateful
i live for
this dark and quiet time

maybe
i’m in love with nights because
just as their environment
is inhuman
i am either

night is my time
moist and silent
the only time
i feel safe enough
to let out my thoughts
these crippled beasts
that long for blood

for 2018
i wished so many things
i wished
2018
would bring me joy
would bring me love
would bring me luck
and only during 2018
i understood
that a year
can't bring you
what you wished for

so this 2019
i don't wish the year to bring me something,
i wish myself
to bring it

i wish myself
to bring me a smile
whenever the world feels heavy
i wish myself
to bring me warmth
wherever i'll be at
i wish myself
to bring me love
to give to me first

i wish myself
a year
better than the last was

finding beauty
in something
requires attention
first

but paying attention
is a step
most people
skip

somehow that left me restless
since you told me
i was beautiful
way too thoughtless, way too often
as you could have payed attention