You stand in the school yard
waiting for the bell to ring
for the day to disappear
they tell you not to
wish away your life
but you want to be someone
outside of those gates

These will be the days
you ant back later in life
they tell you
but you're not so sure

They don't tell you
about 9am tedium
hours spent in traffic
endless forms about taxes

Days lost behind your desk
watching the clock
wishing for the day to end
as you keep your head above
the bills, deadlines
and desperately needed alone time

Wanting is a strange feeling
an abstract emotion
that can tie you up
in all sorts of ways
days undercover hiding
or running away
from a ghost
a promise
something tangible

We're halfway between
two different worlds
caught up amongst the chaos
of all the colours
fighting against the dark side
of cigarettes at the back
of the bars we shouldn't be in
glasses of gin or something
more like liquid guilt

He told me he loved me
on a Tuesday night
sometime in summer

Straight after work
heels kicked off
a ball on the sofa

He told me he loved me
and I felt light
like running

My heart is a stone
heavy
unmoving

It doesn't care for
pretty blue eyes
or his pretty little lies

I feel waves of rage
anger that I can't place
it consumes me
bubbles in soda cups
fizzling out
slowing

It's odd how much people change
old friends from childhood
feel like strangers
and you wonder
whatever happened to them

I have changed too
detached from myself in a way
it's almost uncomfortable
not feeling like me
like a dreamscape
it is almost somewhere safe

It's a funny feeling
not wanting to exist
it's overpowering
suffocating
but I feel it

Laying still at midnight
wishing away time
for it all to stop
the anxiety
the constant drowning

What a waste of sunlight
what a strange way to be