I crawled back to the life I said I was over with.
I drank to the brink of implosion- for them to say I was over it.  
I smoked to end my clear breathing- to say this is living.
I danced to the end of our song- to say we never belonged.
I drove to the end of the night- to say I see a new light.
I dived to the end of the sea- to say I no longer agree.

You never deserved me. My love was too much for you.

we met and exchanged hellos,
this was in school,
where we were both awkward,
and both kept secrets from each other

we know each other better now,
but there were still secrets between us,
truth or dare was our solution,
"who made you realise you liked girls?"

i never thought of it,
so i brushed it off
said it was a conversation,
for another day

it's been six months,
i've come to terms with who i am,
you guys know that,
"who made you realise you liked girls?"

you,
the answer is you.
you,
it's always been you.

i am in a haze today. it is cloudy and beautiful outside. it is also pressing down on my chest and i struggle for air. i wore your shirt to bed last night and it helped steady my oxygen supply. i wish you were here to say my name and speak to me in my native tongue to remind who i am and where i've come from. i'm forgetting everything, slowly. recreating yourself is only good when you haven't done it five thousand times over. i just want to be me now. but how do i become me if there is no you? pick me up from the library and walk me to class. hold my hand and tell me that you will stay with me no matter how grey the sky is or how cold my fingers feel.

Boys
Ask me
Why I can’t cook
And keep a house
And I tell them
My mother
Spent my childhood
Teaching me
What it meant
To be a bigger
Man than
Even they
Learned to be