in all honesty, i have difficulty in perceiving what is real and what's in my head.
"what demons?" i hear you ask, and i simply smile back.
"want me to describe them to you?"
these demons,
these wretched, dark, indecipherable beings
clawing their way inside my brain,
and making it to the depths of my innards,
they're never really gone
and it will always be a struggle
to remain calm,
despite everything.
it feels like
swimming in a pool
6 feet deep
and as a 5'2 kid,
it has been a constant struggle
to try and stay afloat;
try and stay alive
because suddenly the world morphs
and the pool is no longer a pool
but an ocean, a stormy night
out on the open sea,
waves crashing, violently slapping the boats and ships sailing through the vicious currents
shipwrecks here and there, floating debris,
a havoc; hands and feet, cold, dead, floating,
and as you float there,
your legs get numb from the cold water,
helplessly moving your arms and legs to try and keep yourself up,
trying not to feel the dark, murky waters of the night
trying to entangle its menacing fingers
and grab ahold of your dangling legs.
yet suddenly it becomes a pool once more.
the debris floating around you
now become floating devices,
calmly riding the ripples made by your own movement.
yes.
these are my demons,
the ones that turn a whole world into a nightmare
but in a snap,
makes me wonder what reality am I in.
It's all normal.
And I wonder if it's all in my head.
let me out from this augmented reality
a nightmare so surreal
let me out
i am terrified
i hate depressive episodes and i need a therapist before i end up killing myself again.