That is how I feel
To forgive has left me without strength
That child with all the love to give is all grown up
Like a full grown tree I don’t need your watering
My roots go down real deep
In Christ I found solace stability and love
Love craved for from you
Strong trees don’t usually confess but I wasn’t always strong
I didn’t understand
I wish I  never knew you
That I could cook up your goodness and intended love if you’d had the opportunity
But you weren’t dead,dad
You were simply absent
And me
I was simply fatherless

Your could have been a better dad

Or better dead

Blood sweat tears…

These are the juices of my creativity
My very own  muse
Rock bottom and I have met quite often
And I scrapped climbing back up
I get tired and perspire cos its really deep
Deep to lose a friend
Deep to fail again and again
So in my frustration my eyes will leak
And the future will seem bleak
Blood sweat tears
I should hate you but i don’t
In fact your flow reminds me of just how weak I am and just how strong He is
Your flow clears my eyes to see
Your flow makes me sad
But these floors at rock bottom hold countless wisdoms and learning
I do not grasp them always or immediately but when I do I never forget them
Blood sweat tears
Flow
Flow freely

We say we ok when we not because that's the acceptable thing to say
We say goodbye when we want to beg you to stay or want to talk some more but have nothing to say
Gone are the days of honesty frankness and truth
These are the days of walls and heavily guarding our pride and ego...heart?
We feel and feel
But only recite lines,lines off this script of proper etiquette
After all we wouldn't want to unsettle the audience
So say your fine
Force a smile
And while you're at post a nice post on insta  just to #showthem
We feel and feel
But there is no expression
Only making an impression
For to impress
You must supress

What’s the hardest part about being honest with yourself?

It’s knowing that you are not who you thought you were

it’s admitting you are not okay

its coming to terms with the parts of yourself that aren’t so pretty

it’s seeing weakness within yourself

admitting you can't

admitting you were wrong

the truth is a bitter pill

To be honest I struggle too

It’s easier to play a red pen

correcting everybody else

spotting the flaws…

To the guy who brings me hat cause he knows I would have forgotten  mine and its going to be hot

To the guy who teaches me how to drive and believes I can do well even when I drive off the road and almost burn the clutch

To the guy who picks flowers for me on his birthday despite a snake we just saw in the river

To the guy who says what we both want because he knows I won’t

To the guy who changes gears without taking advantage

To the guy who brings me back home on time

To the guy who boldly meets the parents and siblings because he loves a girl

To the guy who makes me laugh
To the guy who I love,respect and admire

I wish you many more years and I hope we get to spend them together
Killing bugs and mosquito
Talking openly and freely
Loving and being loved
Learning and growing
Praising and worshiping the God who brought you and I together till He calls us home

The heart is a fragile little thing

So easily wounded

and when the heart meets the imagination,there are no bounds

the place where all my hopes and fears materialize

the construction crew for these walls around heart

these walls ,the cost of

one word spoken or unspoken

three words misspoken

“I love you”

no admissions currently

this heart is still being reconstructed from the last

the last time it foolishly jumped in without consulting the brains

the last time it imagined itself invincible, unbreakable…

it imagined forever