I don't miss people
I miss the parts of me I gave them

I leave my heart in cities
I've never been to.
In states
I've never seen.
And I wonder why I'm lonely
when I'm the only one who leaves.
There's a heartbeat
somewhere in me.
Though it chooses
not to love.
I do care,
but for a second,
so please don't press your luck.
Indestructibly hopeless.
I won't hide it,
I'm a mess.
I'm addicted to
this chaos,
and you don't want to know the rest.

The moon has never let me down.
The stars won’t let me fall.
The sun would never leave my side
but you’re not here at all.

The rain will pour in April.
The flowers bloom in May.
Seasons always come back around
but you still got away.

The birds will be back in spring.
The ice melts back to blue.
The summer heat will return again
and I wish you’d come back too.

those flowers over there are the ones I planted for you
months ago
they require water three times a day and don't like to be out in the sun for too long

sometimes I forget

they look pretty now
but they'll die soon

my heart is a museum of you
and everyone here knows it

It ended cause it should have.
It broke because it did.
I left because I had to.
It’s exactly what it is.
I feel nothing that I shouldn’t.
Because nothing needs to be fixed,
because there’s not a thing that’s broken,
because it is all that it is.
I’ll start over cause I have to.
I’ll move on because I should.
Because all of this means so much less
than all I thought it would.

I remember crying so much that I thought eventually I’d just run out.
I remember sitting in a hospital bed waiting for doctors to tell me what my heart already knew.
I remember having to show up to an ultrasound appointment because they thought it would “still be good for me”.
I remember people telling me I should get a dog.
I remember nights feeling so alone I couldn’t stand to be awake.
I remember days I slept away just so I didn’t have to feel anything.
I remember the drawer I kept my tests in.
And I remember the day the word disappeared from the tiny screen.
I remember the overwhelming jealousy of hearing other’s pregnancy announcements.
And I remember how every ad that ran across my screen was for a baby item I would never need.
I remember every name I wrote down in the notes on my phone.
I remember not wanting to buy anything until I was absolutely sure it was happening.
And I remember the day I knew it wasn’t.

Through all of this pain,
I hope, somehow, you felt my love.

until we meet again.

When people wanna leave I let them.
I never bother to fight.
This poem is just like the last one I wrote about getting let down.
They just get easier to write.

we know how to love
we just don't want to
- relax
It's 2017.
We're all capable of feeling
just scared to feel the same thing.
Love is for the weak.
Sins are for the blind.
Tinder matches, face to face
"I'm just here for a good time"
I can read through all your posts
secretly we're lonely
You favorited my tweet
so I guess that means you want me
We've seen it all
it's nothing new
So please hide all your demons
Choose your insta caption wisely
Darling,
love is not in season

I've destroyed far too much
to give anyone the chance.
I've let the darkness on the surface
with my demons I will dance.

Don't let me in. It's for the best.
You will, too, soon come to know
that I'll take and rip your heart out
You'll be begging me to go.

So now that I have warned you,
it's easier for me to stay.
As hopeless as I want to be
my feelings always get in the way.

And so I'll make a place to live
inside your thoughts, I will reside.
But I'll move on without you
leaving only love behind.

I can write when I'm happy
I swear.
I don’t need my demons around to let the words fall out,
but a little disappointment always helps.

So I guess
that’s all I keep you around for.

I don't know what's more difficult:
watching you leave
or knowing that I told you to

maybe
it wasn't supposed to end

or start

maybe I'm hopeful when I shouldn't be
and I don't leave when I should
so maybe
it's me
.
maybe I'm too friendly
maybe I drink too much
maybe I go out too often
and maybe I don't care enough
maybe I move too fast
and maybe I'm confused
but I swear
maybe
it's just me
.
maybe I'm weak
maybe I'm just lonely
maybe I know what I need
but maybe
I don't want it
maybe I'm just rambling
and maybe I'm naive

but I swear

I meant to write this about you
but maybe it's just me
.

It’s everything
and it’s nothing.
I don’t know whether to crumple it up and throw it away
or hold onto it until it gains some value.
I have come so far
making no progress at all.

everybody wants the flower till it wilts
and they all want the child before it cries
everybody wants the music until it's overplayed
and they want the girl that got away after she dies

they'll never be us darling
we're as good as it gets
I've been sitting here waiting
alone while you slept

It's your silence that calms me
like a wind in my face.
In the letters you write me
I read only the space

you don't mean it
I never will
I only promise to leave.
To you:
all my love,
take your heart off your sleeve

how badly I wish to sit you down,
pour you a glass of whatever
and lecture all the works I’ve written of you
retrace for you all the moments you made me fall
and all the times you let me down
and you’d sit there, sipping
thinking you knew all my emotions
thinking you read into me enough
knowing you still have not the slightest clue of what I think of you
and I’d stand there with the heaviest of hearts
cause after all I’ve taught you
you still don’t know how to love me

There’s always more to give,
I swear I always find it.
Wanna leave you alone
but I can never just “never mind” it.

Too much hope.
Too much love.
I give far too much of me.
Build you a home inside my eyes,
I’ll let you live there rent-free.

Take my hope.
Take my love.
I’ll surrender to it all.
Hang me by your string;
let me go.
Watch me fall.

I always give everyone the best of me
and all they give me is whatever they have left

I don’t want your pity
and I don’t want your love
leave me here to rot
so I can live with all I’ve done

leave me here to wonder
leave me here alone
don’t trust me with your heart
cause I don’t trust me with my own

I’m not the one you asked for
I promise that you’ll see
I don’t break promises
promises break me

temptations get the best of me
and I’ll never choose you
keep your ******* distance
or you’ll end up a victim too

they always want to love Someone Like Me
they list all the qualities I've already introduced to them
and beg the universe to deliver what's already arrived

they look for me in everyone
and come back and taunt me
every time they think they've come close

but they never do

and they always wait till I'm okay
till I forget how much I would've loved to be loved
and convince me to remember moments
in the way they've rewritten them

the least they could do is leave me alone
but they just never do

and I know that someday,
I'll be somebody's "someone like me"
but I only wish I could just lose all hope
cause each one hurts a little more

but I just never do.

I’ll never be drunk enough to handle my emotions.

They will always get the best of me



and so will you.

How am I always the martyr?
The test drive before the real thing.
The girl you feel you can practice on
before you give the real one a ring.

The girl who saw the potential
of a college student, unemployed.
Why does everyone else get the husband
and all I ever get is the boy?

Every one after me gets the house,
the dog and the white, picket fence.
How come everybody else just gets everything
and all I ever get is the rest?

I’m always just a stepping stone.
I’ll just be somebody else’s ex.
I always show people how to love
and then they use it on their next.

don’t worry about me
cause I’ll figure out how to forget you

worry about you
cause you won’t forget me either

It’s nights like these
I sit alone in the car
Not wanting to escape this closure
I think I’ve found
Screaming out
The words I wish I’d said
And reminiscing on times
That never found their place
And I wonder
How much more of me you’ll take
Before you realize
I’ll never be what you think you want

“but I never asked you to”
and I haven’t been the same since