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Nov 2021 · 269
please don’t go too far
queen of hearts Nov 2021
I don't know what's more difficult:
watching you leave
or knowing that I told you to
Nov 2021 · 238
queen of hearts Nov 2021
It’s everything
and it’s nothing.
I don’t know whether to crumple it up and throw it away
or hold onto it until it gains some value.
I have come so far
making no progress at all.
Nov 2021 · 354
take a look around
queen of hearts Nov 2021
my heart is a museum of you
and everyone here knows it
Nov 2021 · 192
I never have nothing left
queen of hearts Nov 2021
There’s always more to give,
I swear I always find it.
Wanna leave you alone
but I can never just “never mind” it.

Too much hope.
Too much love.
I give far too much of me.
Build you a home inside my eyes,
I’ll let you live there rent-free.

Take my hope.
Take my love.
I’ll surrender to it all.
Hang me by your string;
let me go.
Watch me fall.
Nov 2021 · 152
Someone Like Me
queen of hearts Nov 2021
they always want to love Someone Like Me
they list all the qualities I've already introduced to them
and beg the universe to deliver what's already arrived

they look for me in everyone
and come back and taunt me
every time they think they've come close

but they never do

and they always wait till I'm okay
till I forget how much I would've loved to be loved
and convince me to remember moments
in the way they've rewritten them

the least they could do is leave me alone
but they just never do

and I know that someday,
I'll be somebody's "someone like me"
but I only wish I could just lose all hope
cause each one hurts a little more

but I just never do.
Nov 2021 · 294
queen of hearts Nov 2021
I can write when I'm happy
I swear.
I don’t need my demons around to let the words fall out,
but a little disappointment always helps.

So I guess
that’s all I keep you around for.
queen of hearts Feb 2021
I always give everyone the best of me
and all they give me is whatever they have left
queen of hearts Jan 2021
I’ll never be drunk enough to handle my emotions.

They will always get the best of me

and so will you.
Oct 2020 · 99
queen of hearts Oct 2020
“but I never asked you to”
and I haven’t been the same since
Jul 2020 · 355
queen of hearts Jul 2020
I remember crying so much that I thought eventually I’d just run out.
I remember sitting in a hospital bed waiting for doctors to tell me what my heart already knew.
I remember having to show up to an ultrasound appointment because they thought it would “still be good for me”.
I remember people telling me I should get a dog.
I remember nights feeling so alone I couldn’t stand to be awake.
I remember days I slept away just so I didn’t have to feel anything.
I remember the drawer I kept my tests in.
And I remember the day the word disappeared from the tiny screen.
I remember the overwhelming jealousy of hearing other’s pregnancy announcements.
And I remember how every ad that ran across my screen was for a baby item I would never need.
I remember every name I wrote down in the notes on my phone.
I remember not wanting to buy anything until I was absolutely sure it was happening.
And I remember the day I knew it wasn’t.

Through all of this pain,
I hope, somehow, you felt my love.

until we meet again.
Today would have been my due date but some things just aren’t meant to be. I know miscarriages are pretty taboo in our society so I wanted to bring it to the surface, for the sake of myself and 25% of other expecting women.  To anyone that has suffered a miscarriage, I am so sorry you had to feel anything like this. Truly the worst pain and the most alone I have ever felt throughout these past few months. Just remember, everyone is fighting battles and moving mountains you may know nothing about, so please be kind💕
Jul 2020 · 114
I'll be just fine
queen of hearts Jul 2020
thought that I could handle this.

they were right.
May 2020 · 112
I’ll find you here again
queen of hearts May 2020
don’t worry about me
cause I’ll figure out how to forget you

worry about you
cause you won’t forget me either
queen of hearts May 2020
if the worst thing I do to someone
is love them a little too hard
then I think i'm doin okay
queen of hearts Apr 2020
I can never live in anyone’s heart
I’m only ever allowed to visit

And with no blanket
I shiver
and leave halfway through the night

Like a kid, on a night away from home I thought I could handle

And all I’ve learned from shivering is that
while my heart may be dark and lonely
I’ll never let someone go cold
Mar 2020 · 105
someone else’s ex
queen of hearts Mar 2020
How am I always the martyr?
The test drive before the real thing.
The girl you feel you can practice on
before you give the real one a ring.

The girl who saw the potential
of a college student, unemployed.
Why does everyone else get the husband
and all I ever get is the boy?

Every one after me gets the house,
the dog and the white, picket fence.
How come everybody else just gets everything
and all I ever get is the rest?

I’m always just a stepping stone.
I’ll just be somebody else’s ex.
I always show people how to love
and then they use it on their next.
This one hits very hard.
Feb 2020 · 112
queen of hearts Feb 2020
It’s nights like these
I sit alone in the car
Not wanting to escape this closure
I think I’ve found
Screaming out
The words I wish I’d said
And reminiscing on times
That never found their place
And I wonder
How much more of me you’ll take
Before you realize
I’ll never be what you think you want
Dec 2019 · 127
silver lines
queen of hearts Dec 2019
‪The only cool thing about being this ******* miserable is that I’m certain nothing could ever make me this miserable again.
And that, alone,
gives me peace.
One day, one moment, one breath at a time.
Maybe not tonight but someday.
queen of hearts Dec 2019
My heart drips from open wounds
I didn’t know were there.
I am melting to the floor.
I’ve only got space for one more loss.
I am too weak to handle any more.
I’ve never known a sadness
that seeps into your air
and doesn’t let you breathe.
I’ve never met a heartache
so loud
it doesn’t let you sleep.

I am going to implode.
I am starting to dismantle.
I never wanted to figure out
how much is too much I could handle.
Sep 2019 · 11.5k
return to sender
queen of hearts Sep 2019
I don't miss people
I miss the parts of me I gave them
this one ******* HURTS
Sep 2019 · 455
Sometimes I forget
queen of hearts Sep 2019
those flowers over there are the ones I planted for you
months ago
they require water three times a day and don't like to be out in the sun for too long

sometimes I forget

they look pretty now
but they'll die soon
Aug 2019 · 241
the one from 2am
queen of hearts Aug 2019
I have no idea what’s going on in my head but if I write it down on paper I can at least call it a poem
sometimes i don't know what to write, i just want it to mean something.
May 2019 · 342
and so will the next one
queen of hearts May 2019
When people wanna leave I let them.
I never bother to fight.
This poem is just like the last one I wrote about getting let down.
They just get easier to write.
Feb 2019 · 228
queen of hearts Feb 2019
how badly I wish to sit you down,
pour you a glass of whatever
and lecture all the works I’ve written of you
retrace for you all the moments you made me fall
and all the times you let me down
and you’d sit there, sipping
thinking you knew all my emotions
thinking you read into me enough
knowing you still have not the slightest clue of what I think of you
and I’d stand there with the heaviest of hearts
cause after all I’ve taught you
you still don’t know how to love me
Jan 2019 · 540
waiting for my summer
queen of hearts Jan 2019
The moon has never let me down.
The stars won’t let me fall.
The sun would never leave my side
but you’re not here at all.

The rain will pour in April.
The flowers bloom in May.
Seasons always come back around
but you still got away.

The birds will be back in spring.
The ice melts back to blue.
The summer heat will return again
and I wish you’d come back too.
Dec 2018 · 243
queen of hearts Dec 2018
everybody wants the flower till it wilts
and they all want the child before it cries
everybody wants the music until it's overplayed
and they want the girl that got away after she dies
queen of hearts Sep 2018
I wish I wasn’t so good at overcoming struggles.
I wish I could fall apart just once and not be able to put the pieces back the way I found them.
Oh, how I wish I could feed my pain and let it grow into the garden I bury myself in.

Now that..
that would be impressive.
Jul 2018 · 319
no hard feelings
queen of hearts Jul 2018
I’ll give the pages my emotions
cause you don’t want them.
I’ll give my love to my ******* self
cause you don’t know how.
I’ll find a love that reciprocates
cause I deserve it.
I may be alone
but all you’ll ever be is lonely
queen of hearts Jul 2018
It ended cause it should have.
It broke because it did.
I left because I had to.
It’s exactly what it is.
I feel nothing that I shouldn’t.
Because nothing needs to be fixed,
because there’s not a thing that’s broken,
because it is all that it is.
I’ll start over cause I have to.
I’ll move on because I should.
Because all of this means so much less
than all I thought it would.
queen of hearts Jul 2018
your love runs dry
it always rains
you’re the reason
for my worst days
the blues I choose
the shades of gray
you paint the sky
on my darkest days
I hate you most
but I hate the way
you’re still the sun
on my perfect days
May 2018 · 294
I was bound to catch on
queen of hearts May 2018
it wasn't supposed to end

or start

maybe I'm hopeful when I shouldn't be
and I don't leave when I should
so maybe
it's me
maybe I'm too friendly
maybe I drink too much
maybe I go out too often
and maybe I don't care enough
maybe I move too fast
and maybe I'm confused
but I swear
it's just me
maybe I'm weak
maybe I'm just lonely
maybe I know what I need
but maybe
I don't want it
maybe I'm just rambling
and maybe I'm naive

but I swear

I meant to write this about you
but maybe it's just me
this one hurt a little
queen of hearts May 2018
I don’t want your pity
and I don’t want your love
leave me here to rot
so I can live with all I’ve done

leave me here to wonder
leave me here alone
don’t trust me with your heart
cause I don’t trust me with my own

I’m not the one you asked for
I promise that you’ll see
I don’t break promises
promises break me

temptations get the best of me
and I’ll never choose you
keep your ******* distance
or you’ll end up a victim too
Apr 2018 · 245
you really did it this time
queen of hearts Apr 2018
rock bottom's a scary place
but i feel at home here
all the neighbors know my name
i'm not alone here
i forget all of my feelings
when i come here
but i wish there was a way
to forget to run here
cause i hate to admit
to you i live here
and it ***** so bad
i know the way
to get here
and i love the way it feels
when i'm alone here

and if it wasn't for you
i wouldn't know
Jan 2018 · 375
the words mean nothing
queen of hearts Jan 2018
yeah. i’ve written a lot of things about you. i’ve written a lot of things about a lot of people. and i’ll never let you read them cause they’ll make you think you’re special
Jan 2018 · 186
It’s better that way
queen of hearts Jan 2018
let me destroy you
let me let you down
let me let the water run
then let me watch you drown
in my love
I never gave you
all the times I never tried
just let me let you forgive me
for all the times I lied
let me live in silence
let me let you know
that the only thing that’s good for you
is to let me
Oct 2017 · 642
this one was easy
queen of hearts Oct 2017
so many
i wanna write down
i swear
i'm not going to
truth is
i already
hate this poem
the entire thing's
Sep 2017 · 265
queen of hearts Sep 2017
Please don't let me fool you,
I'm as happy as I pretend to be.
But the smile that cuts you so deeply
is the same one I never see.

My mistakes.    
They'll catch up to me
somewhere down the line.
and there's a voice at night
that keeps me up.
but I'll swear to you       I'm fine.

Dangled my love and took it back
so I guess that means I owe 'em
Because that which doesn't **** me
makes me write this    *******    poem
Sep 2017 · 961
i swear this one is real
queen of hearts Sep 2017
I leave my heart in cities
I've never been to.
In states
I've never seen.
And I wonder why I'm lonely
when I'm the only one who leaves.
There's a heartbeat
somewhere in me.
Though it chooses
not to love.
I do care,
but for a second,
so please don't press your luck.
Indestructibly hopeless.
I won't hide it,
I'm a mess.
I'm addicted to
this chaos,
and you don't want to know the rest.
Sep 2017 · 286
queen of hearts Sep 2017
I am everything I hate
what happened
to me
My demons
are my friends
they told me to say that.

Sep 2017 · 330
loneliness is in
queen of hearts Sep 2017
we know how to love
we just don't want to
- relax
It's 2017.
We're all capable of feeling
just scared to feel the same thing.
Love is for the weak.
Sins are for the blind.
Tinder matches, face to face
"I'm just here for a good time"
I can read through all your posts
secretly we're lonely
You favorited my tweet
so I guess that means you want me
We've seen it all
it's nothing new
So please hide all your demons
Choose your insta caption wisely
love is not in season
queen of hearts Sep 2017
I've destroyed far too much
to give anyone the chance.
I've let the darkness on the surface
with my demons I will dance.

Don't let me in. It's for the best.
You will, too, soon come to know
that I'll take and rip your heart out
You'll be begging me to go.

So now that I have warned you,
it's easier for me to stay.
As hopeless as I want to be
my feelings always get in the way.

And so I'll make a place to live
inside your thoughts, I will reside.
But I'll move on without you
leaving only love behind.
queen of hearts Sep 2017
they'll never be us darling
we're as good as it gets
I've been sitting here waiting
alone while you slept

It's your silence that calms me
like a wind in my face.
In the letters you write me
I read only the space

you don't mean it
I never will
I only promise to leave.
To you:
all my love,
take your heart off your sleeve

— The End —